Isolation and guilt

[Theasylumsystem]

I'm lucky enough to be in a position that I can heal at home. After moving back home my mother (While once an abuser) has heard of all the trauma I went through and is letting me stay home and just get ready to go back to school. I hate leaving my room. I haven't left the house in... months... honestly. I feel disconnected from the world and from people.

My sister and my father are pressuring me to get a job while they are states away. I honestly don't know if I could keep a job the way I am right now. I have panic attacks all the time. Triggers are inconsistent and random at times. I am just... I can't even shower anymore. But I have so much guilt... I know I'm not just "being lazy" or not trying hard enough... I just... I feel like a failure. I feel like I'm lying to myself. I don't know..

 

[DharmaGirl]

Back when I was young, people used to believe that if you just got a job, you would be fine. My brother had schizoaffective disorder and my father was convinced he needed a haircut and a job. I know some of this carries over and they probably think they are being helpful. You are right, you aren't being lazy and I've never heard that a job cures PTSD.

What are you doing to get ready to go back to school? Are you in therapy? That might be a good idea while you are not working, sometimes trauma therapy can be difficult. Welcome to the forum and I hope you find some good resources here.

 

[Theasylumsystem]

I know they probably mean well but it doesn't help it just makes me feel even more guilty ... I am in therapy! I'm trying to get back into regular sessions instead of just once in a while. As far as school goes I've set up some advising appointments and I should be taking some summer classes soon. Thank you!

 

[Mirage331]

I agree with Dharmagirl that a job does not fix ptsd. What might help is a sense of accomplishment, which you may have felt when you set up the advising appointments. Baby steps and reaching goals are still accomplishments, even if they seem small. Every little bit counts.