Isolation and socializing

[Grama-Herc]

Blues

You will never know what your previous post has meant to me. To know that I actually touched someone and helped them in a positive way has left me speechless.

I am so proud of you for fighting the urge to isolate and that you are continuing to push yourself forward.

Thank You for---Well, just THANK YOU.

 

[Lionheart]

I too, like a certain amount of peace and solitude, but I am so tired of being lonely and alone, ya know? I don't do volunteer work because I am disabled. *(I have disabling PTSD along with CFS/FMS). When I try to make friends with the ladies, the word disabled sends most of them packing off to greener pastures. I am prolly going through my mid-life crisis too, but think I ended that when I decided that I just refuse to grow old gracefully. hahahaha

I don't really trust most men as far as I could throw them and that's kinda sad because I am one. As I said, I don't drink and I think going to church to meet someone is prolly the wrong reason to go to church. I do however appreciate everyones suggestions and your support means more than I can say. I will keep trying to move out of my isolation. Anyone in Ky want to go out to lunch on Friday? lol

love to all,
Lewie

 

[Tinyflame]

Lewie, my suggestion is next time, don't use the word 'disabled'.

You are unique. :smile:

-All will turn out well, persevere, and do things you enjoy.

 

[Die Hard The Hunter]

Yeah, disabled is kind of a harsh word to apply to yourself. I'm considered 'disabled' by my school because of an ADHD diagnosis, but I've never really thought to apply the word to myself. It really is just a synonym for 'needs varying degrees of patience and understanding'.

 

[JustJane]

Isolation is my friend. I even looked for a place to live where it would be the norm in many ways - such as long and harsh winters. In many far northern states, if a person doesn't have to work, is elderly or disabled and has checks deposited to their account and all bills are paid from checking account automatically, then the only thing they really need is groceries. And groceries can be stocked up on to fill any gaps in the pantry. The older you are, I think lends itself naturally to isolating yourself because with decreased income, decreased mobility and insecurities that come with PTSD, I would think self-isolation is the norm rather than the exception.

I am safe while at home. I'm not so sure about that when I am anywhere else.

 

[Grama-Herc]

Isolation is "your" friend? Isolation is MY friend. I lived and an alll adult over 55 community and have since BEFORE I was 55. It is like a teeny, tiny little ghost
town.

No one is out and about and it is extremely quiet, most of the time. The weekly ambulance sirens disrupts the serene world here, but otherwise it presents a very safe and secure environment.

I like it. The quiet keeps me from being anxious. It makes me feel more secure.
The older I get the more isolation I put on myself. So I think this theroy is absolutely right on. Throw PTSD into the equation and it really makes sense.

So how bad is it, really?

 

[Lionheart]

I have been anxious in many instances where there was no real danger and so, I wonder if the quiet times aren't more of a break for jangled nerves rather than representing true security. Please don't get me wrong, I think peace and quiet for people like ourselves can be a great benefit in allowing us to heal.
For me, it is a matter of the degree of isolation. I also worry that some of my dreams are dying, I am 48 and had hoped to be happily married and playing with my grandchildren at this point in my life. Part of me doesn't want to socialize with people and another part of me is afraid to to. Sometimes it feels like everyone got a rule book on how to be social except for me. Can anyone relate to that?
Anyhow, I am disabled because I receive disability benefits and cannot work, that is something that is very hard to hide when one starts to become close to others. I never really thought of it is a harsh word, just a word that reflected my (dis)ability to function.
Thank you all for what you have said here, it helps to put it all back into perspective and Junebug I can't say enough good things about you. Your support and encouragement is priceless to me. I will do what I enjoy and find a way to persevere.

luv to all,
~Lewie~

 

[JillyB]

I isolate too. I have a couple of good friends, but they live far away. It's difficult for me to really bond with people. I am so sick of people who don't know me telling me "oh you should just go hang out in a coffee shop" or, "you need to get out and mingle!" To tell you the truth, I have taken the advice and tried it, then I sit by myself in the coffee shop and pray nobody comes over to chat with me. (So relaxing...) But I did try it. Then I go home and wonder what it's like to be "normal" and not have so many feelings buzzing through my head when I am merely attempting to do something that should be easy and carefree.

 

[heather q]

My nervous system goes into hyperalert around people and I don't know if this will ever change. But for now, I don't really get lonely...But yes, it stems from fear of being judged, hurt or otherwise abused.

This is an excellent thread for me, I isolate to save me, too much conversation is overwhelming, I like talking about what I consider real stuff, I have very low tolerance for talking for the sake of talking, which amazingly is very common. I don't like it when 'someone is trying to bring me out' they seem to think they're doing it for my benefit. It isn't of course, now I write this I think it has something to do with them, not me so much.

When people get too close to me I want them to go away, I think I'm afraid of being trapped, not sure though. The comment about projecting my abusers, I am at a point where I can't really tell if I'm being abused or if I'm projecting it. I think I am being abused at times, just one guy in particular, I feel like I'm being stalked, but because I've been through this already I wonder if it's me and not him. Not trusting myself very well and I know that what is going on at work is extremely stressful right now.

As long as I isolate then I know where I stand, that I'm ok and nobody can hurt me, right now on the weekends I stay in the house and don't have to deal with anyone. It gives me a break from all the goings on at work, which are above and beyond what's normal.

There are times when I don't isolate and I feel ok, I'd like to have longer times at that, when I push myself and go out of my comfort zone, sometimes it isn't beneficial and I get worse. I can't tell when I'm too far, it is only after the experience that I realize it was too much.

I also find most people annoying and I have a very sensitive sense of smell and if I can't stand how they smell I can barely stand being near them, my concentration deserts me. And surprisingly after reading this, I realize that some people like me, basicly, I don't tolerate anything very well right now, I do hope that I can make some changes, for six years I worked on my own so I was able to isolate on the job, then I was forced to change jobs and work with people, this is when the PTSD got to be more noticeable and more difficult, I may have to go for a different job so that I can continue to isolate and be more comfortable, or learn to deal with the discomfort where I am and get through this particular problem, it seams like it's all going on at the same time and feels overwhelming.

Heather

 

[TLight]

Heather;

I too have a hard time dealing with people and am 'disabled' and unable to work with them, right now, at least. I'm hoping someday this will change.

I experience all the things that you do and I"ve always found work to be a hostile place anyway and you have to have a guard up.........with all the stress from PTSD.....well, eventually it breaks me and I can't take anymore breaks right now, if ever.

I've found myself more comfortable around my boyfriend's friends. He's known them practically his entire life..........so I 'borrow' on that and can feel more safety.......I find that my time with them is sort of like a desensitization period and I the same time I can practice not dissociating, practice being assertive, and practice becoming my 'new self'........which is different from the old angry, chip on my shoulder me........nice to everyone me..........people pleasing me........it's sort of strange.........like I'm trying out a new identity and I'm not sure who I am yet. But this is helping.

 

[ohthetrauma]

Wow, seems this isn't as uncommon as I thought.

Lewie, after my accident I became a totally different person and I have very little (if any) self esteem and therefore do not like going out anywhere. I get such bad anxiety in crowds and I really don't like going anywhere by myself. If I can let things wait until someone can come with me (so I don't have to drive and go in by myself) I will do that- I don't care if I have to wait until later in the week.
As far as what you could do for socializing I would have to say the volunteering idea mentioned above was a good one. Maybe check your newspaper for local events coming up?

All the best :)

 

[Lionheart]

Wow, seems this isn't as uncommon as I thought.

Lewie, after my accident I became a totally different person and I have very little (if any) self esteem and therefore do not like going out anywhere. I get such bad anxiety in crowds and I really don't like going anywhere by myself.

All the best :)

Thank you ohthetrauma, I understand how you must feel, I still do not like crowds or going anywhere alone, but it has become a little more tolerable. I once had lots of negative self-esteem, *(same as no positive self-esteem), but that has changed and I like and love me now. It took some time, therapy, and hard work, but if I can do it you can do it too!!! I am considering taking myself out to lunch as one member suggested, visit a coffeeshop, and maybe visit an art display/museum or take in a concert. I am grateful for your reply and appreciate your help.
:occasion:
My best to you,
Lewie