Isolation and socializing

[greenunflower]

Is This Common- Wanting To Isolate?

When I was pregnant, I couldnt lift my head off my pillow. I simply moved my head to the side and puked in a garbage can, and had a diaper or pad on in the case that I pooped or peed my pants (which I usually did). When people came to visit me, just speaking to them, made me dry heave for 30 minutes at a time. Some thought I was being dramatic, some couldnt deal with all the medical supplies, the central line, the TPN and just how sick I looked.

But anyway you put it, I was alone. My husband worked. My parents are still young enough to work, and my friends deal with so much. I found out a lot about my friends. The lonliness and isolation were traumatizing in themselves. It was neverending, the lonliness.

But now, when I am around people I think they are all thinking badly of me. When people are having a conversation, I try to look like I am not listening to it, but try very hard to listen to it, to make sure they are not talking about me. Because I have this phobia that everybody hates me and is talking about me. Rationally I know it is not true. I have plenty of qualities people could like and really I am not that special that people spend all their time talking about me. My pdoc says he doesnt really know how to treat this because it isnt psychosis because rationally I understand it is not true.

Anyway, it gets so tiring, to have the emotional response that people are hating you in their thoughts, or conversations, when you arent there, and to feel so injured by that, that I just dont want to have to be around people at all.

It makes me just want to stay in my house. Sometimes I even want to avoid talking to my husband cause I dont know what he is thinking about me. And he has always been supportive of my struggles with depression, hyperemesis, and now this. There is no reason he would be thinking negativly about me at every interaction. It is just my stupid paranoia.

Is this just me. Is this PTSD? Do other people feel this way? I feel like I lost my identity with the trauma of my pregnancy.

 

[catjudo]

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that you had such an incredibly difficult pregnancy. You talk about your continued isolation but you don't mention your child. How old are they now? In light of the isolation issues, how are you handling being a mother?

I am unclear about something you wrote. Have you already been diagnosed with PTSD or are you asking us if your symptoms fit a PTSD diagnosis?

 

[Blues in NYC]

Agoraphobia and social phobias kick in for me when I'm going through a symptomatic period. I've seen threads about this subject.

It is something to fight--not all at once in an all or nothing pitched battle each time it flares up because that can be too overwhelming. But fighting it in little ways with little steps, eroding a few of the habits that reinforce one's phobias to go out and interact. It also helps if you are getting good clinical treatment for whatever mental ills ail you at the time. With some good off hand tips from veteran members of this forum, early in my treatment, I started adding going out to eat by myself once a week to my recovery regiment. At first it would suck the life out of me to get through a meal in a public place with all the activity around me. But eventually, I acclimated. My brain got used to the stimuli and I no longer get mini panic attacks at the thought of eating in a restaurant, no longer sit with my back to the wall in the best "Billy the Kid" spot in the joint. It took me one or two dozen times to get to that point, but it was worth the effort.

That's just one small example.

On the other side of things, it IS important to be kind to yourself and know when you've hit your limit socially. These days, I'm often pushing my limits a little too hard. In order to stay on track with my recovery, I tend to schedule in down days where I deliberately isolate myself. I find I get bored to tears of the isolation much more quickly now. But I tend to have this forced, quiet relaxation time a few hours longer than is fun on purpose. I've found if I don't, my work week (since I'm back working close about 2/3rds time again) or whatever else is on my plate can REALLY get to me and symptoms can flare up again.

All that said, as catjudo asserts, I too found it unclear as to whether you are trying to sort out if your social phobias are part of a suite of symptoms for your already diagnosed PTSD or if you are trying to diagnose yourself currently. I am not a professional, I'm a PTSD sufferer, but I have a strong suspicion that PTSD is not the only mental disorder that can bring about these strong impulses to isolate. Might be worth talking to a professional if you have access and haven't done so already.

 

[macpayne]

I had the same symptoms and they thought I had Social Anxiety Disorder. It wasn't until the anxiety progressed along with other symptoms that they diagnosed me with PTSD. I thought I was going crazy etc. It could be one of the two....however I take anxiety to combat the social phobia and did sellf talk therapy to combat the insecurities. Regardless its no way to live and I hope you can find some solice and peace soon. It's an aweful feeling and IMHO will develop into much worse before it gets better if not treated. Take Care

 

[Mina]

Greenunflower, I merged your Isolation thread with another one which already exists on this topic. As the responses on preceding pages show, isolation is fairly common with PTSD, and you are definitely not alone! :smile:

 

[Nicky31]

Hello Lewie

Your post rang bells with me. For me, I began to isolate myself not long after my trigger incident last September, and just like you one of the first things that I banished were pubs due to my perception of risk and my hypervigillance, making it almost impossible to have a relaxed, chatty drink with anyone.

My hypervigillance and panic attacks made it almost impossible to go out and about or even have friends round. I slowly lost confidence, self esteem and energy. All of that anxiety is exhausting isn't it? Then self sabotage kicked in and I started to think "who'd want to be around me anyway?" so I started not going out to social events that I was invited to and finding reasons not to see people. Pushing them away and isolating was heartbreaking, but part of the damaging and dramatic process that I was going through. Even my partner has experienced my isolation and he's in the same house as me. He notices by dissociation more than I do and in a way that isolates me from him even more.

I am lucky that I volunteer for a local charity and have terrific friends there. Their focus is on emotional support so I walways feel safe when I go in to do my stuff and can sit, relax with a cup of tea and chat to whoever might be there. To be honest it's the charity work that has keept me living. It's reminded me that I do still have skills, that I can still feel safe and valued and that's been really important.

In the past couple of months I enrolled on a Burlesque dancing class with two of my best girlfriends. This was "our time" it helped build our confidence, we travelled over together, discussed costumes and then went out for dinner after our class each week. This was rewarding, safe and fun. I also walk a lot and invite a friend along with me. That way I'm not overwhelmed by too much concversation, I'm taking exercise in the great outdoors and am tapping into my love of wildlife. And I have enrolled, at long last, on a course at college. I've made a couple of nice friends there. Again, this is something for me, my development, about my interests and getting me out there again. I have seriously had to push myself and this is key to moving yourself on.

I hope that you can tap into some of your interests and find things to do that help you feel safe. Maybe write a list of interests and places where you feel safe and secure and see what that throws up. All the best and let us know how it goes.

Nicky :thumbs-up

 

[Xenu]

For me isolation happended for 2 reasons:

Not trusting others or myself.
Being negative (kind of depressed) made others go away.

I so identify with this. It seems impossible to make friends without having any to talk about.

 

[greenunflower]

You talk about your continued isolation but you don't mention your child. How old are they now? In light of the isolation issues, how are you handling being a mother?

I am unclear about something you wrote. Have you already been diagnosed with PTSD or are you asking us if your symptoms fit a PTSD diagnosis?

My daughter is 10 months old. Being a mother is one of the easier and more managable tasks I do day to day. Being a wife sure isnt. While I crave to continually isolate myself, I force myself not to. Because I know if I do it, it will get harder and harder not to.

I know I have PTSD. I am sometimes unclear as to what is PTSD and what is simply something else. Like I have had horrible tx resistant depression for years. Could it be that, or is this a known symptoms of PTSD?

 

[pandora]

I related to so many of these posts. It is a hard thing...I am lonely and there are days that I think I would like to be with someone and then there are other nights that I enjoy being by myself. I like the quiet..when my son goes to bed and I hear my water fountain..have candles lit, no phone calls. I think it has to do with just a sense of calmnees and peace that most of us searrch for. At one time I did not have this and did not know how to relax at all..now that I have become somewhat of a loner I am beginning to enjoy it. The less stress and interruptions for me makes me a much happier person. When I worked full time..took care of my son who at the time was having great difficulties and thankfully he has outgrown this but slept about 4 hours per night at the time..had a husband and had to take care of his needs and wants...I NEVER relaxed, my body was on complete overdrive. I prefer this totally right now..I like to feel relaxed and have time for me. I am actually enjoying it...this is the first time since I was about 15 that I actually feel calmness.

 

[Lionheart]

I started reading the initial post of this thread and was shocked to realize that I had started it. That's how long it's been since I have been active on this forum, (until just recently). I can relate to all of these posts and I am grateful to be in a place where I am welcomed and understood. I think I need more time here to be among people I can really relate to, to understand myself better, and to work through my current issues a little more diligently.
I don't often feel like doing anything. I am not physically able to do volunteer work due to Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and the damage that long term stress has caused me. However, I guess I might be able to find something that's not so physically challenging and I have been tossing around the idea of going to church as well. At any rate, I have come too far to give up and I know that as soon as I find the proper niche for me I will move hesitantly out of isolation.
I am grateful to each of you for the encouragement and for sharing your experiences!!!

 

[damaged goods]

hey all,

yup, this all sounds frightenly familiar. For many years I hid in my apartment, only came out to work, buy groceries, and rent tons of videos. Every once and a while I'd think 'geez i gotta get out where the people go' and would then go into the next town where there were clubs and such. I'd go into one or maybe 2 clubs, sit around in a corner drinking only coke and generally avoid contact (cuz I didn't know what to say/do in social settings). then I'd go home feeling even worse than i did before i left.

I noticed once that I could easily go thru and entire month without social contact - only talking to people who HAVE to talk to me- salespeople, pizza guy, etc.

It's 20 years since then. I've had numerous nervous breakdowns, 6 brain tumor operations, yadda yadda yadda. I still have major problems in social settings. just can't trust people. trust = betrayal.

ok, that was my little vent. I'll shut up for now.

 

[anni]

HI,

I'm reading these posts to try to figure out why I stay isolated. Quite frankly I'm clueless to a point. Reading about other people's self-awareness in describing their reasons for social isolation helps hugely!

I think I'd have to identify mine with shame. Shame at what, I have no idea on the planet. Crowds make me terribly anxious also and I can identify that as not being able to deal with noise and confusion, I think. The shame and accompanying sadness baffles me. Hopefully further reading here in the forum will shed some light. At the moment the shame furthers the PTSD's hold over me in that it makes me dislike myself even more.

Thanks for the postings and take care,

Anni