Isolation

[Punky143]

You hear stories about how being isolated isn't good and you gotta get out and this is why and blah blah blah. I get it. All of it. I've heard my T talk about it for years. I've had many times of isolation in the years. But this time feels different. But familiar. With DID, I'm barely making it to work because the barely functional part of me can. But, its both physically and mentally painful. I listen to music all day as I work. I don't want to make myself vulnerable for people to talk. I can't talk. I mumble, go on and on about nothing. It's ackward. And I'm left feeling shitty. And just listening to people makes me mad. Its not safe out here. I want to be left alone and be alone in my own messed up world...

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I'm so sorry for your situation. You're absolutely right. Isolation is something that we battle all the time - at least I do. All the blah blah blah is also true. I'm glad you already know all the "logic" behind why it's not something to give in to.

That being said, do you have any grounding and coping you can use tools at work when you feel yourself barely hanging on? Are there specific things you can do to help you get through these times? Perhaps this is something you might discuss with your Therapist. Since he's very pro-active against isolation, then he may also have some good coping tools to help get through these times.

 

[Pixielicious]

At the moment I am purposely isolating myself.. I Can't go anywhere without getting 'triggered'.....I congratulate you for at least having a job and like you, I listen to music 24/7....
I know I desperately need help and yes I know that isolating myself is probably doing more damage to myself... But I cannot cope with the flashbacks and my flight or fight response.... Im terrified of how I might behave..... I Remember one time, I was in a public place, having a flashback, a kindly lady asked me if I was ok... All i could do was snarl at her and swear... I ran home and cried for days on end for being so horrible to a stranger that was trying to help... Meh

 

[Punky143]

I hear ya. Trust me, even though this body is at work, its barely here and I too do the fight or flight thing. And disassociation, triggers, flashbacks, migraines, neuropathic pain, oh and thats getting bad. And I've been let go from previous jobs and I've always found chaos too. And, I not only get to live in this isolative hell at work but also at home. But, I'm doing this. All. For. My. Child. Because I have to. Because I am her mom. And no one else will. So, if I run myself into the ground doing so, I'll know I gave it my all.

 

[Friday]

In my experience isolation can either be an uncontrollable reaction to being overwhelmed or running too symptom hot to function..., or can be used as a tool to prevent over reactions & symptom spikes. So in and of itself isolation is neither good nor bad. It's how it's being used, and the effects it's having in one's life.

 

[Punky143]

It feels like an my old friend. Who's always been there. My dirty addition no one will ever understand. Tonight, I'm ok with no one ever understanding who we truly are. Tonight, I think I'm ok with isolation.

 

[Punky143]

And so it goes. The selfish desire to be alone. And I accomplished it. But now is when the thoughts, and people come rushing in. And lately this overwhelming desire to SH. I know all about it but enough is enough. Today I have a migraine. I need to feel something else than the thoughts racing through this damn head. The obsession of the fact that my appointment with my T is not on the reg day next week and I have to wait 3 more days after. I don't like any changes to the schedule. It throws me off and stresses me out.