It Feels Like It's Getting Worse

[BlackbirdSinging]

My depression feels like it's consuming and crushing me. I don't want to be around anyone. I don't want to be alone. I'm starting to wonder if I'm ever going to feel better. I had a couple of days where I was numb. And that feels better than this. I'm feeling that awful hopeless feeling coming back again. I just don't know what to do.

 

[JustBe]

Have you called your Doctor? That is the first and best step.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I go to see my therapist tomorrow. And she made an appointment with a psychiatrist in the building that she works with for another psychiatric evaluation and to discuss medication. I'm not even worried or nervous about the appointment. If anything I'm more curious what he'll say. I've only been in therapy for a few months. I know things will probably get worse before they get better. And I think that might be where I'm at right now. And man it's awful.

 

[JustBe]

:tup: It IS awful, but you're doing a great job being proactive. Writing and reaching out here, going to the Doctor...all good! :)

 

[nimkekaa]

I agree with Movin'On. Your doing all the right things. Your being honest with yourself and your therapist and working on things on your own (using this forum). It's a horrible place to be in but it does get better

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

Thank you :). It helps to know it gets better. Sometimes it just feels like that's only a rumor you know? I've seen people posting here who seem a lot happier and seem to feel a lot better than I do so I know it has to be true.

I guess it doesn't help either that I'm doing work for my PTSD workbook. It has an exercise to make a timeline. That SOUNDED like it wouldn't be too bad. But getting into it for the past few days I found out that it really unlocked memories I was glad I didn't remember.

I guess this is part of the process though. It would seem that if suppressing everything just made my symptoms worse then I guess I have to talk about it. It just still seems so weird to me to talk about things I kept inside for so long.

And it's hard when I start thinking about everything and it all starts feeling hopeless. I can really feel the weight of my depression then too. I look forward to the days when I can look back on these days from a better standpoint. I just wish it didn't feel so far away.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I had my evaluation today. He wants to put me on Celexa but due to interactions I'm not going to be able to take it. It's a little bit discouraging.

 

[nimkekaa]

Ask what other options he would suggest. There are many medications that do similar things and sometimes one may not be tolerated but another one will be.

I'm sorry that things didn't work out how you were hoping today.