It Got Ugly ... Fired The Therapist

[Nighthawk]

Well im really torn with how many therapists I have gone through in 2016 and now the first one of 2017. I had been having major issues with this therapist. I think I have only been seeing him for 4 months. Well yesterday it got ugly. To the point that I told him to go fk himself with my finger and voice and that he needs some help.

Problem I am having this morning is how ugly it got. I won't be going back but am feeling a bit ashamed by how verbally defensive and aggressive I got.Not to say he too was being verbally aggressive and totally illogical taking things totally out of context.

Needed to vent it out I dont want this stuck to e for days or weeks.

 

[lonelyone82]

I'm frustrated to the point of where it is affecting my sleep. I have dealt with a few bad people that were trying to "help" me last year that made things worse by their arrogance and attitudes. They were not even trained properly but lied about the fact they can help. I think it's hard to find a proper trauma therapist that can actually do their job correctly. A lot of them are in way over their head and end up hurting people and make symptoms worse.
I hate being taken out of context too after stating my feelings clearly, and what is going on. Some people don't know how to listen and I regret not giving them the finger and telling them to back off and get over themselves.
They're humans with problems too, the problem is a lot of therapists forget they aren't perfect and suffer delusions of having reached perfection.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Problem I am having this morning is how ugly it got. I won't be going back but am feeling a bit ashamed by how verbally defensive and aggressive I got.Not to say he too was being verbally aggressive and totally illogical taking things totally out of context.

This might be where you need to focus your energies? In your mind, why did it get so ugly on your part? What would you do differently? What was driving your emotions and actions? i.e. what's underneath it all? What are you telling yourself about your part in what all transpired?

Maybe in trying to evaluate this with a little distance between you and the event, it might turn into a learning opportunity for you. I don't know how much time it takes for you to determine your perspective, but I'd give it time or maybe right about it over a period of days or a week. Confrontation is never fun, and to have one such as this with someone who is supposed to be helping you is extremely difficult to process. I hope you will be kind with yourself and allow yourself room to get to a better place inside before returning to therapy.

Have you thought about how this will affect the interviewing process when you decide to reach out for assistance again from a therapist? Maybe adding a few more boundaries or deal-breakers that you can discuss up front?

Just suggestions as I don't know you or your journey.

 

[Nighthawk]

As it seems I am getting worse on management of my symptoms. I have had rage come out again for the last 2 months.Personally I think this therapist played a roll in that. The fact is just because someone has the education does not mean they can do the job. I should have cut ties at the first warning signs but wanted to give it a chance. Yesterday was the final straw. I have been advised to consult a lawyer by a support group I go to that is facilitated by 2 therapist there Jaws dropped when I told the group what happened.

I have the option of free therapy for 6 months at a local community center. I might go for that just to get me through my daily stress. For now I have no interest in more trauma work.

 

[Nighthawk]

The reality is I have had a run of bad therapists over the last 6-8 months. Sad part is even when they have no idea they will try to convince you that you are self sabotaging. This has left me very weary of anything other than supportive therapy in my future.

 

[Recovery4Me]

At times in my healing, the rage is/was unleashed that had been stuffed for way too long. Often the symptoms would heighten as some of my walls or compartmentalized boxes were broken down. Then after a bit...I re-pieced some of the puzzle and felt more whole. Yes, sometimes embarrassed at the outburst, but not using one's voice for so long- well, it takes practice to modify or navigate anger plug in's and/or triggers.

Not being in practice of having a voice is very different than some T's opinions of self-sabotage. Be gentle and kind to yourself as you are going through your rage(s). It is a bumpy ride but if handled with a little care...can be quite healing to dump out the toxins of suppression or repression! After all...you did not sign up to be a victim insofar as your health and your life! Do not take their stupidity to heart.

Love and high five for your vigor.

 

[Nighthawk]

Sense of hopelessness is setting in.SI ideation is really high tonight the desire t harm is as well.. The desire to lash out is at the tip of my fingers. I really cant believe the hell I have been through with therapists. Thankfully I still have my equine therapist and have an appointment on Wed that feels increadbly far away.

 

[Fadeaway]

:hug:

 

[DharmaGirl]

From what my best therapist said ( I've had 5 in the last 5 years, the first lasting 4 years), It is normal for people with C-PSTD to push against therapy, to leave the therapy room angry. The important piece is discussing it with the therapist. On the other hand, my last therapist kept repeating the wrong thing, over and over, not realizing I felt like my brain was splitting in half. He kept using the same tactic while pushing me further into a flashback, without even knowing it. He called me two weeks later to continue the conversation, again my brain felt like splitting, and told me the way I left must have been empowering for me. I was sobbing and gasping for breath. I told him, "I ran away!!!" in an incredulous voice. What a dick. His response - Anyway, I just wanted to let you know my door is always open for you.

The point is, therapists can push you over the edge. They just can. I also have given up on therapy, but I'm seeing a therapist Tuesday that my Pdoc set up. Bleh.

 

[Nighthawk]

I have never quit lost it to this degree. Although I a, very sure that what he did to me was wrong and was done with intent to harm.

 

[DharmaGirl]

What an ass! I'm glad you're not going back.

 

[Nighthawk]

I realize today that I spun out of control triggered beyond belief. Shame in my own behavior. I dont expect ill go back based on this was done intentionlly and pushed far further than I needed to go. Sadness and shame at myself.. I thought I had gotten better at this than I am. I can still feel it in my body but qt least my mind has calmed down. I am going to have to be uber careful not to get re triggered in the coming days