It Happened. Now What?

[Seasounds]

I hope your home brings you rest and safety!

 

[Echo]

Thinking of you @mytai - hope you got the help and support you need at the hospital.

 

[TwoDee2ThreeDee]

@mytai Good luck!

 

[mytai]

I just got home, 12 hours later. Thankfully my boss was back from holidays and I don't have to go in today. Hopefully this makes sense. They gave me some very strong pain drugs and I'm a light weight.

This experience was entirely different. Not as smooth and pleasant, although some of the nurses were amazingly nice to me (none were mean or rude, just not necessarily nice). I had to go back in because I was having more difficulty breathing and swallowing - something I was warned about with being strangled that I needed to go back in immediately if it got worse. Also, I couldn't lift my leg to climb stairs, it was so stiff and painful - didn't know the cause (my hip with the burn right on it).

I went in by myself, after being registered I was told to go sit back in the waiting room. I didn't last long before I started getting light headed and panicky. So I asked to go back and see the triage nurse again. Told her how I was feeling and also asked if they could call the sexual assault centre to send someone to be there with me. Then the nurse had me sit back in the triage area which was much quieter and not as crowded. I started crying really hard when I was sitting there, after the nurse heard back that they were sending someone to be with me she got me a warm blanket and sat with me while I cried, and rubbed my back.

It took a little over an hour for the SA nurse to get to the hospital. She was very nice, another one who had a naturally calming voice. She sat with me in triage while we waited to get into a quiet room to wait. When I started getting upset again she went and spoke with another nurse from the hospital and had them find us a quiet room with couches until a bed was available. She asked me questions about the situation with my great-uncle recently, talked about what routes I had already gone the prior day, she gave me lots of resources to help me out, and also gave me a voucher for a cab home.

The SA nurse went and found me a pillow and more warm blankets so I could lie down on the couch. She covered me up and then continued to ask some more questions. She tried to get me to sleep a bit. We ended up getting a room not too long after and were moved there. Again the SA nurse kind of took charge and made sure I had what I needed/wanted at the time. She sat next to the bed and covered me up. Talked to me a bit, but also tried to get me to try and sleep a bit.

The SA nurse arranged to have another person come and stay with me because she had to leave to go back to the other hospital. Made sure I understood to come in tomorrow morning before work for a follow-up and to meet the social worker at the centre before my Friday follow-up appointment. I still had yet to see a doctor at this point. I was there from 1am to 11am before I saw a doctor. I wasn't given anything for pain because the doctor hadn't seen me yet, so I was left to deal with it on my own. The nurses never checked on me this time.

The social worker who arrived to stay with me was nice. Didn't force me into conversation, just sat there with me and occasionally asked questions. She went to ask the nurses if they could do something for my pain, to which they told her no, not until a doctor saw me. They made sure I had a female doctor this time, she was very nice and patient. Made sure to take her time and not rush past me. She gave me some dilaudid for the pain. They sent me for X-rays of my back, neck, and hips. Again they made sure it was a female taking me. The lady who took me on the stretcher to the radiology department stayed with me the entire time.

X-rays were horrible, physically not from people being unkind. They had to roll me onto my hips which caused me a lot of pain, to which I started crying hard, gagging, and shaking from. They were extremely apologetic that they were causing me pain, went slow so they didn't cause more pain than they had to to get the images done.

After X-rays I was left by nurses to deal with the increased pain. Crying, shaking, and on the verge of puking. The social worker again tried to tell the nurses that I needed some help with it, they brushed her off and said the doctor had to come by again and see me first. So I was left for over an hour with my pain out of control. The social worker held my hand and had me squeeze her hand hard.

Was sent home with no obvious reason as to why my hip hurts so much, no explanation. They didn't really acknowledge the difficulty breathing and swallowing. I was sent home with a script for more dilaudid to help keep the pain under control. Tomorrow morning I go to the hospital with the sexual assault treatment centre for a follow-up appointment. Not sure what that entails, but part of it is being introduced to the social worker they want me to see in addition to my T.

 

[Echo]

@mytai, I do hope the meds are helping you with pain relief and that you get some rest now. I hope you get a proper assessment from a doctor, even if it is just to give you peace of mind. I find it hard to understand that the nurses couldn't help you with the pain, but at least you have something now. Well done for doing all of this and for writing about it. You are remarkable given how scared you must be.

 

[TwoDee2ThreeDee]

I really wish they had given you some answers about the reasons for your pain. Thinking of you today.

 

[mytai]

@TwoDee2ThreeDee, me too. I wish they had given me some answers. But the SA nurses have been incredibly supportive and helpful so far, so I will just ask them tomorrow. Back home right now, higher than a kite on the pain meds they gave me, and about to crash into a pain free sleep with a cat on my stomach.

 

[TwoDee2ThreeDee]

Its so nice to be owned by a cat, isn't it?

 

[Echo]

Cats are very good at this. One of mine always rushes from the other room just as I go into flashback. Don't ask me how he knows, but he always insists on sitting on my heart and gently stroking my face. It really helps and I am so glad, @mytai that you have a cat friend just now.

 

[mytai]

I don't want to talk about it because I'm afraid of being judged by people here right now. Being judged is not something I can emotionally handle right now.

I don't know what or how it happened. I remember absolutely nothing at all. Only physical feelings, no images, everything is in a fog. I can't make out sounds or images, just shadows.

I called the SA nurse on call, told them that tomorrow is going to need to be more than just a follow up. I'm really distraught right now. I need to make it until 8am tomorrow. I'm hurting so bad right now. Only reason I'm not going back to the hospital tonight is because I will be there at 8am tomorrow. I probably won't be able to go into work tomorrow. Need to deal with all of this. Emotionally numb but screaming inside right now if that is even possible.

 

[Echo]

@mytai, you just need to focus on you and doing, and asking for, whatever you need. You've done nothing wrong at all. Nobody has the right to treat you like this under any circumstances EVER. Unfortunately, feeling ashamed is one of the horrible parts of these attacks but the only person who should feel total shame, though probably never will, is the vile person who did this to you. Shame on him, never on you. I wish you could feel the virtual, gentle hug I'm sending you. I remember how it felt. The overwhelming confusion and pain; it is not surprising that your brain is trying to block out so much of it. It's a natural survival thing. Forget about work; no-one would expect anyone who'd been through half of what you have to even think about it. No-one at work or anywhere else needs to know what's happened unless you want them to, and only when you're ready. Be very gentle with yourself in as many ways as you can manage and let other people help you with this. It will get better.

 

[digger]

I'm not sure from your last post, and I'm not sure of the time difference between me and you so not sure how soon 8 am is, but if you are hurt some more in some way and need to go earlier to the hospital, please go xx