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It Is None Of Your F*cking Business

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And I do not think you know what TR means -- it means simply that the available drugs do not stabilize me. 100 mg zoloft was fine for awhile. Then it wasn't working at all. Then we switched to 200mg and it worked for awhile. My body responded to it, and began to beat the typical max dose of zoloft. So we added Deplin. I do not expect to be on meds my whole life as I am in therapy as well. I used to have episodes every 7- 20 days that lasted 7 - 14 days long, and now I have gone 70 days without an attack. She can call it FU PTSD for alI I care. What she does works for me
 
A woman that knew first hand exactly how violent and dangerous my father was,
So where is your father in all of this? I understand he is dead - but it sounds like you have great rage for your mother and not your father? What were the family dynamics at the time? Are you going to therapy that include Family Dynamics.

Idk, I left my ex in the 90's, not the 70's and it was HELL. I made a shitload of money and had a stable position. No bank would give me money for a house and I had a hefty downpayment. I also attempted to rent a house but again was turned down because I had no husband. I eventually had to lie and say I did and do all sorts of crazy stuff just to secure housing.

And when my kids want to know why I left, they actually want to hear what they want to hear. They want to assign blame to the easiest person available, which is me. I suggest a form of family system therapy. It sounds like you may have stuff that is being passed down through the generations.

Things are not always as they seem.
 
The act of true forgiveness means that it is given no matter what the other persons says or doesn't say. I am sorry for sounding condescending. I certainly didn't intend to at all. Written word doesn't always come out as sympathetic as spoken word. This is a difficult situation. However, if you can forgive the man who shed such atrocities then perhaps you can forgive your mom? She may never say what you want to hear and she may never receive any help for her role in what transpired. It sounds as if your position is to tell her that she needs help and (I don't mean this condescendingly so I apologize if it comes out as such) pass judgement on her decisions. Once again I say if you just talk with her about what YOU need from her now and how the situation with your dad made YOU feel then I can only imagine that your conversation might open up more. I think people tend to build a wall when they feel or perceive they are being judged especially by your child. I think you are spot on when you say that you have no idea what she endured and perhaps she will never share that with you, but I imagine it was pretty horrible for her as well. Very sorry for your family...
 
Okay, if labels don't matter, I'd just call it PTSD. I was recently reading a book where the therapist considered a patient "treatment resistant" but knowing it meant resistant to the treatments offered. It wasn't like a diagnostic term to stick on and carry around. The author was actually proposing neurofeedback to med cocktails. I hope that's an option in average clinics and hospitals someday because meds don't work for me, except gabapentin, which I'll likely increase until it stops working and I'm screwed again. Anyway, your PTSD probably isn't worse than most cases here. Many of us have treatment resistant weeks, months, or years, because it takes time no matter what.

As for your mom, she did apologize in her own way. Then when pressed for a different answer it sounds like she used the "It's none of your f*cking business" to end the conversation because you cornered her...her original response wasn't good enough. It's not totally uncommon to be more angry at the person who we believe should have protected us than the abuser. They are also often easier targets for the anger. I hope you keep lines of communication open, if nothing else, to help ease your resentment in time vs replay this "It's none of your f*cking business" tape. Sounds like she just couldn't find the answer you wanted fast enough.
 
It's not totally uncommon to be more angry at the person who we believe should have protected us than the abuser. They are also often easier targets for the anger.
AMEN to this statement! That's so spot on... - And to this one as well:
Anyway, your PTSD probably isn't worse than most cases here. Many of us have treatment resistant weeks, months, or years, because it takes time no matter what.

Actually, you really hit the nail on the head with your whole post @Chava.
 
Side note on the whole 'treatment resistant' thing - something is generally considered resistant (or refractory, the more clinical term) after it does not respond 'adequately' to whatever the first-line (and second- or third- line) treatment is. TR can be applied to any medical diagnosis. In the mood-disorder categories, people who don't respond consistently to two or more medications, and have undergone an adequate trial of whatever psychotherapy is first-line for the diagnosis, are considered to be treatment-refractory (resistant). In practical terms, this means that everyone agrees on paper that you've been trying for awhile and nothing is working. It's a really useful element with insurance companies, and it also is meaningful when switching care providers.

@PtsdEdu, you might want to check out both of our diary formats - Trauma Diaries, which are accessible by the general public, and Member Diaries, which can only be read by members. They are useful for writing and putting out there things that we want to articulate as part of our growth, but that do not necessarily need responses from anyone else. Threads tend to work better when the original poster is desirous of a response of some kind - I'm not saying you were not in this case, only that it strikes me that the Diaries be something you'd like to set up for yourself for the future.
 
At the risk of beating a dead horse, I will respond to these last few comments.

"So where is your father in all of this? I understand he is dead - but it sounds like you have great rage for your mother and not your father? What were the family dynamics at the time? Are you going to therapy that include Family Dynamics."

I left home at 15 and did not speak to him again for two decades. It took time for he and I to heal.

"I made a shitload of money and had a stable position. No bank would give me money for a house and I had a hefty downpayment."

My parents are the one percent never took a loan for a house they owned. My mother would have been fine financially. After all, I left home at 15 without any alimony, and I managed after crashing on friends couches for awhile and then being homeless until finally joining the Army at 18.

"It's not totally uncommon to be more angry at the person who we believe should have protected us than the abuser. They are also often easier targets for the anger."

Again this was not one incident, it was one of about 70 that led me to leaving home at 15. I never had a negative feeling toward her until the moment I described in the original post.

"Anyway, your PTSD probably isn't worse than most cases here. Many of us have treatment resistant weeks, months, or years, because it takes time no matter what."

Please tell me where I said my PTSD case is worse than anyone else's ptsd. I do not compare trauma. All I did as apply the diagnosis that I received. I am not trying to grade people's trauma or say mine was worse or better.
 
Okay, if labels don't matter, I'd just call it PTSD. I was recently reading a book where the therapist con...

You say that my mom did apologize in her own way and that wasn't good enough for me and that I backed her into a corner!?!

Her first two answers were demonstrably untrue. (Her mother did not just pass away, and alimony did exist at the time.) So if you mean that my mother apologized to me in her own way, by telling me two lies, then yes I agree with you.

With all due respect I would say her two lies backed herself into a corner. I did not make her lie. Moreover, I was able to leave the house on my own at 15 because of the violence. My mother, a woman of substantial means, chose not to protect her children. I just wanted to know why? It seems like a fair question.

Hell she never even called the police during the more than 50 times my father pulled a gun on me and threatened my life. And she was an abuser as she was clearly complicit in his abuse.
 
Personally I can empathize with your situation. My own mother is much like your own, though if I press she will have an anxiety attack, self mutilate via scratching herself, dry heave retching, and bang her head against the wall. My mother was/is untreated and a sufferer of domestic violence and sexual violence worse than me when I was a child, yet I have the rage.

I tend, because there were also no shelters in my area when I extracted myself out and away from my second abuser/ex-husband, to give her the benefit of a doubt... and deal with the emotive-ity with the rational/adult mind when I can. My mother was in the 60's, I was in the 80's. I no longer look to my mother what I can/should endeavor to provide for myself.

Was my mother complicit in my abuse? Most certainly, however she herself tried, only once to extract herself before I was born and her own parents wouldn't take her/us (she was pregnant with me) back in. They told her, "You made your bed, go lie in it." Not realizing til later that it meant me as well and my brother. It was a burden of sorrow for them I think.
 
For what it's worth, even in the 80's I called law enforcement many times... in my area, they chose not to involve themselves in domestics... even when I had been beaten black and blue and bloody.

I emancipated myself at 17, joined the military before I was 19. My mother too, chose not to protect me. But also later in teen years consciously chose to direct the familial dysfunction onto me so as to deflect it off of herself. That was hard. Real f'ing hard. My brother was exempt. But she protected herself basically by redirecting my first abuser/my father's attention onto me.

I, too reconciled with my father and spoke at his funeral... she though, my mother... that has been dicey at best and irreconcilable at worst. She has as many or more blank spots due to traumas than I do because she was sexually abused where I was only verbally sexually abused.
 
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For what it's worth, even in the 80's I called law enforcement many times... in my area, they chose...
I can empathize with that as my mother did not like me speaking the truth...better not to ruin the family name than get strange looks at the yacht club in my mothers case. So the abuse from her continues.
 
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