Well I can tell you that I definitely no longer read your posts and certainly will not respond to any comments.
Holding a grudge or focusing solely on "oh that one time that person said this so I still think they're an asshole" would be a waste of my memory and energy.
Thank you so much for this Friday. Truly. This puts into words something that is very dear to my heart. You don't know why, but you have made a difference to me today and perhaps for a long time for helping to articulate something for me. Reminding me why I do what I do.Or that she might rather have you hate her, than to hate yourself or blame yourself for every beating and rape she took in order to protect you the best way she knew how? That she may indeed still be trying to protect you, now?
Life hopefully when you have lived enough of it, lets us see that, I now realise it was a lot easier to hate my mother, I saw her being beaten and I had no real connection emotionally so I saw her as the villan, and bonded with my abusive father. Something that played out to extreme and I became the sole target of this most ravage insanity at age 11 and 12, so I hear you. I for decades would swing between crying incessantly about the fear or losing the "love" connection .. when the ship had already sailed years ago... facing the truth took over 3 decades, and I still struggle at times. But now I love going for "tea" even if part of me feels its fake, its a nice fake, she tries. (I think she's Autistic possibly why she doesn't experience emotional or cry) but whatever the story, she stuck around in my life and became a good person, so I want her in it. As for my father... Drop kick... PASS!!!! I wish I had the stregnth and resources to face him, challenge him and possibly even prosecute him for all of us, but I have my own family to think of and energy spent on him is a waste of space. so he lives under s snow globe with thick glass in the past, and can't ever reach me again.You know, for all it is worth, I DID leave the abusive ex (father of my three boys, who are now 30 and...