General It Is Not My Responsibility

[LAA]

Amethist,

"It is not my responsibility to ensure my husband is well in all aspects" is the crux of what was taught at the Family Week at the treatment center. There were parents struggling with kids, spouses there for spouses, sisters and brother there for siblings, partners, uncles, aunts who all had loved ones struggling with PTSD, alcohol, drug, trauma, depression, anxiety, eating disorders....most with a number of issues.

It always came down to that very statement you made! Then came a lot of practical, "how the heck do we keep doing that?" (Plus a lot of things Im still trying to process) So much of what you said is almost verbatim what was being taught. Setting up boundaries , etc. I learned codependency is doing for another what they are capable of doing for themselves. That can change depending on where our sufferer is but we have to pay attention that we don't do what isn't necessary and actually end up enabling the giving up.

We also set bounderies and asked forgiveness.I had to ask forgiveness for enabling D in his depression times by taking him food. (When I read that in your list, it was so familiar) And coincidentally (because patients did there work wayyy before we got there) a boundary he wrote, asked me to NOT enable him by doing just that. He said "I will then have to get out of bed eventually because even though I say I'm not hungry and don't care if I eat, I will get it myself if I have to"

Thank you, thank you all so much for sharing like you do, careers and sufferers...I feel I was so much ahead of the game and didn't get as overwhelmed as some participants did. I could sit there and think "Amethist has said that" or "ISH mentioned something like that" ....

I am feeling so, so blessed having found this site (ok, I know it's not a core felling but...)

LAA

 

[Tinyflame]

Good for you, LAA.
And well, gratitude is a pretty good core feeling to begin with. :)
(((((LAA)))))

 

[amethist]

I so wish we could have places like that here in the UK. So far I have not found anything that we would not have to pay for out of our own pocket.

I am glad you both found this helpful in seeing where you can improve how you both manage his PTSD when he gets home.

Yesterday was a classic example of my husband asking me to do something for him, that he could himself. I did do it, as I then followed it with the question, "Would you like me to anything else for you now". The look on his face was enough to tell me he knew what he had done. ;)