Undiagnosed It Lies Beneath

[intothelight]

@Aarow Welcome and I hope you find this site beneficial. Therapy, while intimidating can be really beneficial with the right therapist. The therapist doesn't make it better, but they can give a person the advice, tools, recommendations, etc. that can guide them on the path of their recovery.

 

[Aarow]

Thanks again everyone. I did not work up the guts to call a therapist until late Friday afternoon. I just want to say that if it turns out that I do not have PTSD, this forum helped me to take that step. Thanks for the kind words and information. Oh, and what is meant by the symptom or behavior called 'Hypervigilance'? Take care everyone!

 

[Summer Ava]

The reason why partners of sex addicts are being treated for PTSD is due to the fact these relationships are highly abusive. It's not about porn. It's about the prolonged narcissistic abuse. It's domestic violence and can result in complex PTSD.

Yes, in many cases, the "sex addict" is a sexual predator. Many women I know who have survived this - myself included - were sexually abused by these men. The problem is that the traditional mainstream sex addiction treatment industry still frames everything under the term "sex addiction" even if there's serious paraphilias involved and the man has perpetrated years of emotional, psychological, physical, and sexual violence. They rarely frame it as perpetration & victimization. It's very twisted, wrong, and shocking. Also incredibly retraumatizing for the victims.

Being in an abusive relationship, itself, is traumatic, but as explained earlier it can also trigger PTSD from previous trauma. So some partners develop PTSD due to their trauma history.

Victim blaming of women surviving DV - which is done in the 12 step group that you speak of - is awful, harmful, and increases risk of developing PTSD/C-PTSD.

I definitely encourage you to see a therapist who specializes in abuse and domestic violence.

 

[Neverthesame]

@Aarow Hypervigilance, is the term used to describe the compulsive need to remain "on guard". To always be looking for an incoming threat, irregardless of whether the situation or environment the hypervigilant person is in warrants it.

For example: A combat vet in a car after they have returned home, searching for signs of possible IED's or roadside bombs. Despite the fact that they are perhaps living in a small Canadian town, which has never had an incident involving a car bomb, ever, for the entire history of the town.

But the vet will be keeping a very close eye out for a car bomb, even though they have no reason to do so. They are maintaining a level of caution that is no longer needed.

Hope that explains it for you. Good luck to you. Take care of yourself as well.

 

[Aarow]

Dear Summer Ava....THANK YOU for your post. For saying what I couldn't frame words around. Thank you.
I so appreciate it.

In our case, the sexual activity was so well hidden that it is still difficult for me hinge the addictive behavior to the addiction. The therapist I'm going to see has been in this field for a long time and does treat for trauma in partners of sex addicts.

Talked about this issue with women after a meeting yesterday. Shocked stares. Not traumatic? Two of the women's partners are awaiting sentencing for their prison terms. One of the husbands can't see their grandchildren, by court order. The bombs went off in their homes and they are living with the enemy, is how it seems to me.

The more I read on mypstd the more at home I feel. And then in the next second tell myself that is bullshit, no one burned me with cigarettes or beat me black and blue.

And then, I argue, What about as a two year old, getting second and third degree burns on my feet because I was left alone in the bathtub. Was that neglect, my mother TOLD me not to touch the taps. Or just an accident? Or being tied up to a tree at three years old, and my brothers jumping up and down yelling for my little cousin to throw a screwdriver at me? Were we playing doctor, or did the six years separating my brother from me make it molestation? I would leave my tiny dolls tied, or hung by their necks, around the house for years. I pulled out my own hair until my mom took me to the doctor to ask what those bald spots were. Started smoking cigarettes as soon as I quit sucking my thumb.

I had no words for the emotions, still don't, for any of those things. What do you feel at seven when your mom tells you that your dad pulled out handfuls of her hair in a jealous rage? I didn't see that happen, but it's been happening in my head for 45 years. Or see him 'discipline' her in a degrading but not really violent way? How do I unsee that? I didn't see every physical fight, but was shown the bruises.

My head keeps telling me, compared to countless people my childhood was a fairy land. And then reminds me of the cruelty my father inflicted on my dogs and cats. Back and forth.

My husband was the perfect fit, is what I do know.

 

[Aarow]

Summer Ava, I'm having a difficult time getting the quote function to work. What you said about re-traumatizing victims in therapy and 12 step meetings.....awesome, how you stated it so perfectly. And it goes right along with trying to explain to family and friends, this nightmare. Most women say they get this reaction: Minimize, brush off, deny, retreat, patronize, blame. I am so relieved that for once I listened to my gut and have kept family and most friends out of this picture.