It never goes away

[BlizzardNight]

For most of my youth I had PTSD. I have done therapies and much personal work, but still the symptoms come back again and again. I feel like PTSD is my entire life. What else is there?
Anyway, the reason for the resurfacing of PTSD this time is because I just started college, all of my previous friends have cut ties with me, and I am entering school after a gap year. I still have the support of my family, which I am beyond grateful for, but I am so completely lonely. It mostly boils down to me feeling unable to interact socially: I never know if I am behaving correctly, I feel inadequate and unworthy, and I fail to understand others or they fail to understand me (miscommunication that often leads to awkward laughter and me confused as to why it was funny or vice versa)
How can I make friends? How do I talk to people? How do I deal with always feeling out of place (do not relate to peers)?

 

[LoveTea]

I have been (and am still) in a very similar situation, and I am still trying to work with it. I am a junior in college and I have had PTSD for 8 years now. When I first started college, my friends basically cut ties, but still are friends with one another. My parents were in the process of getting divorced, and neither of them were acting appropriately (I have many issueswith them). My therapist describes me as a bit of a wallflower and I have a lot of trouble with social interaction. It takes a lot for me to initiate anything, and I avoid confrontation immensely.

I do have a close friend now, but that took 2 years to build up, mostly with her initiating. I have never been someone people are "drawn to" and I have a lot of trouble expressing myself to other people. I also have a very bad gauge of how a relationship is going. I am convinced everyone and everything will disappear in an instant. Only 2 people know I have PTSD, but I feel constantly surrounded and affected by it.

I wish I could give you more solid advice because I know it is rough. Try to be patient with yourself and others, I know this is really hard sometimes, and you can still feel lonely. As cliche as it sounds, a lot of the people around you are confused and looking for some connection as well (I promise it is not just you alone because of PTSD, so many people told me how lonely the beginning of college was). I know for me personally, I like to have mini conversations in my head to kind of "layout" how I want to say something. Although it never comes out as smoothly as I'd like, it tends to help me normalize the situation.

 

[ladee]

Can you name what or who you are lonely for? Sometimes when we narrow it down, it doesn't feel so overwhelming. Surely at college there are all types of clubs to join.... something that you enjoy, if for now, only go and listen ... I am just the opposite, as I can speak with anyone, but that doesn't mean it's always comfortable.... I hope you find ways to make friends.... if you are not the type to initiate, then you may have to find group things to do that doesn't put a lot of pressure on you.... starting again is stressful and lonely.... but be kind to yourself... Others don't know how hard this is for you.... and you don't owe then an explanation... but find something you can start small..... you may have to try a few before something clicks for you... Good luck with making friends.... we need that in our world.. and of course coming here helps too.... you will have people to talk to that understand.....