It Started In 3rd Grade, When Family Started Running From The Law.

[Kasper]

Hello,

Would first like to say that this site has been a great tool for me and my understanding of what I'm dealing with in my mind.

My story is not like most.... It started in 3rd grade when my family started running from the law for white collar crimes. This did not stop until my Mom was arrest when I was 18(I was on my owe after this arrest).She had been arrest a few times before and then would break the law again. My real father was never in the picture and my step-father was a Vietnam Vet that most likely had PTSD (Verbally Abusive). I have attended 5 different High Schools four junior highs and I don't remember how many elementary schools I have attended. In this time I've lived in seven different states. This is my short story about how I grew up. I'm 37 now and last year my doctor told me I've been dealing with Complex PTSD.

At first I didn't know what to think... I thought I was just not trying hard enough in life and would put so much pressure on trying to do everything perfect. Then I started to see myself in the symptoms I read on this site and others. Really I still don't know what to think. I keep reading things on treatment and I don't understand. How does someone re-wire themselves? It's difficult to understand that the way I've been thinking and behaving in my life is one big wall of protection and that I live in a constant state of "survivor mode".

I’ve been to four different doctors and have started taking medication (not a big fan, but I’ve been told it helps). My biggest problem right now is finding a doctor that I like and trust. Some of the psychologist I’ve seen just seem like they had too much work to understand me. If anyone has any Ideas please let me know.

Thanks for reading…And thanks again for this site.

 

[Res]

Welcome to the forums. :)

I can completely relate to having difficulty finding the right psychologist. The only advice that I have for you on that note though is to keep on looking. Maybe talk with the doctor a bit before hand to make sure that they will be able to give you the attention that you need.

 

[JohnnyM53]

Hi Kasper :hello:

Welcome to the Forum.

You are right that Complex-PTSD is difficult to understand.

My brain/mind was going so fast and so neurotic decades ago, I didn't think it was possible to ever get better, slow down my mind, examine my distorted thoughts and beliefs, etc. But I did it!

What helped me the most was Cognitive Based Techniques and self analysis, as well as trying to eliminate as much stress as possible. Stress tends to makes us go two feet backwards when one foot is trying to go forward.

I don't think we re-wire our brains to work well. What I think happens with hard work is that we "undo" faulty wiring by examining our thoughts and beliefs and attitudes and changing them when they don't jive with reality. It takes time to do this but is well worth the effort.

Best of luck finding the right therapist!

Johnny

 

[tryintobreathe]

Kasper,

Welcome to the forum. It is difficult to find a phsychologist you like and trust. I think it is definately worth the effort to find one like that. I have finally found one I like and trust and I feel she understand me. I am glad that you found us!

Jen

 

[Kasper]

Thanks for you thoughts guys.........

 

[his_swallow]

Things must have been terribly difficult for you growing up. My ex husband committed white collar crimes and I was found guilty by association. I know how afraid I was - I can only begin to imagine the fear my children went through.

You have decribed just how I have been feeling with regards to my actions prior to my PTSD diagnosis. You are not alone in feeling this way at all!

Welcome to the forums.

 

[Kasper]

It seems like the tough time is now. Not understanding this is more diffucult than anything else I've done in my life. Thank you for your support

 

[bonnecanyon]

Kasper

What I have to keep telling myself over and over again is to not rush things. Take baby steps. I just want to conquer it and move on and I'm finding it doesn't work that way. So take it easy on yourself and give yourself credit for the progress you have already made.

Glad you have found the forum.

BC

 

[anthony]

Welcome to the forum Kasper.