It's 1.12 Am On New Year's Day And I Have Been Sitting In My Car For The Last 3 Hours

[Wakemeupwenitsallova]

I was supposed to be spending New Years with my so called boyfriend. However he still has issues with his ex who has been msging him of late saying she was sorry and wanting to get back together (they were together for 10 years) he keeps telling me that he doesn't love her however all he talks about is her and how he can get back at her current boyfriend who threatened him. I couldn't listen to it anymore so I left. He hasn't tried calling or replied to the msg I sent him and I just realised I've been on the side of the road for over 3 hours. I feel like I am coming back now...my head has been fuzzy and my limbs so very heavy and I felt like I've been in slow motion? I just needed to tell someone but I don't want to be near people especially my friends who will make me feel worse and defensive

 

[Wakemeupwenitsallova]

Also even tho I feel a bit more with it, I don't want to go anywhere...I want to stay here? I'm a bit confused I think?

 

[TwoDee2ThreeDee]

Not sure where your geographic location is but if you've been outside for three hours and your head is fuzzy and limbs are heavy - get somewhere warm NOW! You may need medical attention!

Another reason to go somewhere warm - driving while dissociating can not be a good thing.

On the other hand, you can't control how he reacts or feels. It's not your fault, you were perfectly justified in leaving - hopefully he will figure that out.

 

[Muzikluvr]

I have experienced that kind of dissociation before and I understand you're overwhelmed. You have waited there long enough. In fact, I would guess that after you posted this you felt even more with it than you did before. It's time to drive somewhere safe.

After you get somewhere safe, you need to start looking for a good therapist. You've been in some kind of fugue state or something. That isn't normal brain activity. Your brain shut down certain systems for some reason, and you need to understand why so you can prevent it happening again.

Oh, I see you have recently been diagnosed with PTSD. Call your therapist.

I also see that you are still online. How do you feel?

 

[Echo]

Yes, please do go somewhere safe and warm. No-one needs to know what has happened or only as briefly as you like. You and your boyfriend need time to think. Neither of you will make good decisions immediately; it is too important to do it in a rush or dissociated and in a state. Could you even check into a hotel or guest house or something similar, if you really just want to be on your own? Please look after yourself. And we are all here if you need to talk or just check in.

 

[Muzikluvr]

We are a community of supportive sufferers and carers. We are many miles away from you. We cannot physically be there to help you. We cannot make a difference in your surroundings. We can try to help you make a difference in your beliefs.

But, you need real help right now. You need to call someone you trust. You need to discuss what you're experiencing with someone in real life. It's really really difficult to accept reality by typing on a computer (or phone) and getting a response from someone who doesn't know you.

Dissociation is about floating between reality and disbelief... you need something that will ground you. We cannot rescue you from dissociation. Please reach out in real life. And then post back here when you are safe.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Is there anyone you feel safe to call, just to drive you somewhere safe?

Please don't drive a long distance, this kind of heavy dissociation is bound to linger on for a while.

And as the others said: get somewhere safe and warm! It would be best to get a medical check up to be sure you're okay.

Please be careful and let us know how things went!

 

[Wakemeupwenitsallova]

I'm still here I can't seem to bring myself to move? I'm not cold it's warm where I live in Brisbane. I forgot I wrote this until now, I must have fallen asleep. I don't have an appt til 17th jan but I think I'm ok till then. I just want to stay here by myself for a bit, I don't want to deal with all the questions and I told u so's.... And I don't want to talk to him because he will just lie to me and I feel worthless enough now. He knows I'm not dealing well with things from my past yet continues to betray my trust...why do I let him??

 

[Wakemeupwenitsallova]

Ps thank you for ur support, I am ok...I just don't want to face reality just yet

 

[Muzikluvr]

You sound like you are someplace safe then. I hope you don't think that the roadside is safe. Perhaps you are pulled into a parking lot somewhere? Doors locked, I hope.

Thank you for posting again.

It's good you understand you're escaping reality, and are able to list some of the things you want to escape, and question why you continue to allow some of it. Those are good talking points for when you go back to therapy.

BTW, it may be painful to live with the traumas... but it beats the hell out of what you're going through right now. Trust me. I've been there.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

This guy is a complete arse. He's not over his ex and he's being downright cruel by putting you through all of this. You deserve SO much better. Dump him and don't let him treat you like this anymore.

 

[Wakemeupwenitsallova]

I just want to say thank you, so very much to everyone who replied to me the other night! That was one of the biggest meltdowns I have had and it has taken until now for me to fully come out of my dissasociated state. On on hand it was quite scary but in the other I didn't want to come out of it cause it felt good not to feel anything real.
U will be pleased to know that I did 'dump his ass' lol and haven't spoken to him since! It's been really hard as I love him but he is toxic to me and always will be I feel