Sunshine71
MyPTSD Pro
It has been ages since I posted lovely people. I do hope you are all doing well.
So........
On Saturday we went out for a day - we drove for an hour to go to a little place with what is now our favourite restaurant...... we were launching in the car and our teenage son was in the back.
Hubbie was messing up a joke and I said "OK restart...." and he replies something like..... "I wish I could restart back to 1994" ....... this is when we got married.
I honesty was in shock at how GUTTED I felt, I say there in silence - there was no "banter" back - I couldn't just laugh. I felt as though I had been kicked in the stomach....... I was just stunned at what he said as well as how badly I felt.
So as always his response is the absolutely flare up - he was shouting so loud, full on "black cloud" he said he was driving back home (we had just arrived in the town an hour away from our home. We have these really terrible things from time to time but nothing as terrible as what was going on.
I calmly said I work so hard and I am not going home wasting my petrol - he turned the car around again and drive to the car park.
But here is the thing - he just expects me to "snap out of it" And I am feeling so shaken and fighting back the tears. It came out of the blue, and his reply was nothing to do with what we were talking about - was so quick like a sarcastic comedian.
After I shouted back and with a red puffy face we went to the restaurant and walked around. I was so embarrassed - I don't know how I ate.
As always he has since apologised - it was "banter" and a joke. A joke that leaves your wife shaking and crying isn't really a joke. I wish it hadn't hurt me so much but it just did.
Now - its 2 days later - I just don't want to be with him - I am so gutted he said that and even worse is how he handled it..... I am sitting there gutted and he responds by shouting, screaming at me - I do feel it is verbal abuse. And my son didn't know what to do poor thing.
Life isn't easy with a PTSD husband.... we haven't had sex for over 10 years as he says it causes flashback (his PTSD is related to a car accident) - he doesn't have a lot of work although very busy doing things in the house. And to have something said that I feel is so low and then react like that - it is something I wont forget and it has make me feel even more distant to him.
How can I shake it off?
Is it all PDST related?
Should he be shouting at me and then expect me to just laugh it off?
Anyway as always I am venting here - it is so personal I cant talk to anyone else.
With love and thanks Sunshine x
So........
On Saturday we went out for a day - we drove for an hour to go to a little place with what is now our favourite restaurant...... we were launching in the car and our teenage son was in the back.
Hubbie was messing up a joke and I said "OK restart...." and he replies something like..... "I wish I could restart back to 1994" ....... this is when we got married.
I honesty was in shock at how GUTTED I felt, I say there in silence - there was no "banter" back - I couldn't just laugh. I felt as though I had been kicked in the stomach....... I was just stunned at what he said as well as how badly I felt.
So as always his response is the absolutely flare up - he was shouting so loud, full on "black cloud" he said he was driving back home (we had just arrived in the town an hour away from our home. We have these really terrible things from time to time but nothing as terrible as what was going on.
I calmly said I work so hard and I am not going home wasting my petrol - he turned the car around again and drive to the car park.
But here is the thing - he just expects me to "snap out of it" And I am feeling so shaken and fighting back the tears. It came out of the blue, and his reply was nothing to do with what we were talking about - was so quick like a sarcastic comedian.
After I shouted back and with a red puffy face we went to the restaurant and walked around. I was so embarrassed - I don't know how I ate.
As always he has since apologised - it was "banter" and a joke. A joke that leaves your wife shaking and crying isn't really a joke. I wish it hadn't hurt me so much but it just did.
Now - its 2 days later - I just don't want to be with him - I am so gutted he said that and even worse is how he handled it..... I am sitting there gutted and he responds by shouting, screaming at me - I do feel it is verbal abuse. And my son didn't know what to do poor thing.
Life isn't easy with a PTSD husband.... we haven't had sex for over 10 years as he says it causes flashback (his PTSD is related to a car accident) - he doesn't have a lot of work although very busy doing things in the house. And to have something said that I feel is so low and then react like that - it is something I wont forget and it has make me feel even more distant to him.
How can I shake it off?
Is it all PDST related?
Should he be shouting at me and then expect me to just laugh it off?
Anyway as always I am venting here - it is so personal I cant talk to anyone else.
With love and thanks Sunshine x