It's not supposed to be like this

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I just got back from 5 weeks of an inpatient stay- somewhere that actually focuses on treating PTSD and DID. I got back home on Wednesday and I have been struggling ever since. I am full of suicidal thoughts, doubts, and am so tired I can barely manage to get out of bed. This is not what it's supposed to be like. This is not the mom and wife that is supposed to come home. I was supposed to come home better not the same. I feel like such a failure and I feel very scared. I am hoping things will get better if I give it some time for me to readjust to being home again, but so far I am very uncertain. Any thoughts or advice is appreciated.

 

[The Albatross]

What is your after care support? Glad you are posting here.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I see my therapist twice a week and have a med. manager that I will see later this week. Basically the same as what it was like before I left. There's not much for choices of competent after care around here.

 

[Deadman]

I did an intensive, live in, two week group therapy workshop. I felt like crap for a couple weeks afterwards. Then I thought it didn't do any good. Two years later a realize how much good it did me. Some of us are just slow :)

Be patient. Cut yourself some slack and let things sink in. I know we all want for things to be over now but PTSD doesn't work that way.

 

[desiderata310]

Agreed. Not only that but you've been in a super supportive place for a week and it feels very exposed and unsteady once your back out. This is unfortunately kind of normal. Hence the 2X week deal with the therapist for a while till you get your feet back under you.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Hence the 2X week deal with the therapist for a while till you get your feet back under you.

I almost always do 2 times a week with my therapist. This week we're doing 3.

So I went to the ER on Monday and stayed until Tuesday when I convinced them I was ready to be released and not in need of hospitalization (they couldn't find a bed anywhere anyway). I have been doing better since then. It is scary to come out of a supportive and routine environment and be back in the routines of family life that I don't feel like I fit into. I have also been super tired which makes it hard to do anything. I did stuff through a haze of tiredness all day yesterday and was out by 6:00 pm until about 9 am and was still tired today. I slept all afternoon. I think it has to do with medication stuff but it could also be dissociative or avoidance. Little by little I have to remember that I can fit back into this life, too. Thanks to those of you who responded.