We cannot rely on strangers to make our self-esteem for us. Or family and friends.
They can help, but without things happening internally, it’s a detriment to the self-esteem.
Supportive friends compliment the progress we’re making internally, and can help stabilise when going is tougher, but something has to already be there to reinforce.
Also, endlessly trying to control people’s perception of us makes us sad. I know that first-hand. We can’t control what others think, it’s hard because how others percieve us feels important, and to an extent, it can be. But chasing the idea of others seeing us as xyz is a losing battle, because every person is different, and nobody has a panoramic view of all the intricacies of you, your personality, and your life. As real people, we are not carefully moderated internet personas, characters.
I try to stick to the values I find most important for people in my life to receive/see, (My patience, care, practicality, ability to be content), and ignore the rest. They won’t see the me who exists in my head (both literally, and figuratively), but *I* see that, he’s pretty cool, and they still get a good version of me. Because it is me, at his core values.
Everyone gets a different version of me, anyway. That’s how we work as people. Micromanaging everyone’s perception is the most exhausting and futile thing.
You cannot self actualise if it relies on what everyone else thinks.
I know it’s very difficult to see the vision in the position you’re in, low-self-esteem is… a bully. To put it light. But you can become happy with you, without everyone else.
Putting an aesthetic, style, or personality archetype as your core values won’t get you there, though.
People I pass in the street probably think hundreds of different things about me, each one different. Some good, some bad. They can stereotype me in any way they see fit, just like I automatically do them. Do these things hold any weight? Hell no. I know nothing about them. Same goes the other way around. Depending on how well people know me, and who they are to me, their ideas are different, too.
Here’s to you escaping the uphill battle!
