I think it's the fact that other people are in control of what is a big slice of my life. And it's also the fact that I can't seem to communicate to them what I need because they've already prejudged the situation. I need chaos, I need a busy job, I need to be run off my feet. That's what I like. When it'[s calm and quiet then the boredom sets in, the anxiety sets in. I asked for a job on ship but they described a busy situation that they think would be too stressful for me and I think would be absolute perfection but they put me in a 'nice calm position, with no pressure' instead. I honestly want to start hurting myself when I'm bored. I do not deal with boredom. But worst this position leaves me walking home at eleven at night through a really dodgy area. So I'm really unhappy.