It's So Hard For Me To Trust People That Ask Me "how Are You?"(little Rant/self Realization)

[Kriss]

I realized I have so much resentment in me and lack of trust towards people who don't understand mental illnesses because it's not just that they are free from the pain PTSD brings but also many lack the care to try and understand and empathize.

If an answer to the question how are you? is i'm terrible today or i'm having a good day. They will drop the subject faster than it started. They don't want honesty and they believe i'm too fragile to care about them. I have not changed who I am because you know why I have certain quirks.

What helps me heal is by empathizing and learning to trust others again. It can make it so much harder when people want to be friendly with me but they won't treat me the same once they know i'm not okay. I am healing and learning to manage my flashbacks and nightmares but and doing so i'm more comfortable feeling a little sad or angry and working through it rather than pretending i'm fine and everything is dandy by numbing out all my emotions. It feels so dishonest and exhausting why would you ask if you don't want to know the answer.

I just wish more people took the time to try and understand and empathize with others it's feels much safer to know I can trust someone to say i feel like shit but I'm okay with it because I know it won't last if someone just is themselves around me. I feel like that sounds counter productive but i'd rather be upset visibly than lie.

Does anyone else feel this way? I refuse to be happy all the time and that makes me happy. I hope that isn't too weird but if it is guess I know what i'll be talking about with my doctor soon. thanks for reading my rant and I'm sorry if it made no sense or is upsetting to anyone.

 

[Naoru]

Does not sound weird to me.

It can be difficult dealing with the realization that many people encountered do not genuinely want to know the answer to "how are you?" Common complaint, in my experience. This question has turned more into a greeting than real interest of conversation.

Some people may genuinely want to know, but are fighting their own battles.

However, I encourage you to continue being authentic. You will find those who accept you and your answer and those who do not.

Try to discover what levels of honesty are best in different interactions; feel out who is really listening and who is merely following social protocol, in order to help find a balance.

 

[8Rupo]

I realized I have so much resentment in me and lack of trust towards people who don't understand mental i...

As I read your post, I can picture my current situation. My bf suffers from PTSD from the war. There are days were he would just lose it within seconds, lash out, lose patience. He would have days where he tells me he's very unhappy. After a while, I started getting upset, annoyed and certain days I just want to stay away from him. Mainly coz I feel like I can't handle him and it makes me feel incompetent as a partner not knowing how i can help him. Until I started dating him, I didn't know to what extent PTSD goes. I think its a lack of knowledge, I know it is for me and I've come to realize that. Thats exactly why I'm here to find support and help. Im sorry that you are going thru that. I feel bad when he goes thru it. I've been reading some post and comments here that have been helpful. Hope yo do too.

 

[pixel]

I hope I don't offend anyone,

many people encountered do not genuinely want to know the answer to "how are you?"

I'm one of those people.

You don't pour your heart out to people in the first 5 seconds of conversation.

"How are you?" is a colloquialism, people. Like "What's up?" and "Howz it goin'?" It's a friendly, cliché greeting.
That's all.

If they really want to hear your story: they will soften their tone, insert the word 'today', and maybe say your name or touch your arm/shoulder.

 

[Naoru]

Nothing offensive, agreed @pixel

Different interactions lead to different levels of honesty in responses, and in many cases, it is a greeting not a serious inquisition. Feeling out the relationship and interaction helps avoid awkward or offensive exchanges.

But there is no need to lie (I felt this is one of the main areas the OP was frustrated), even when it is a simple greeting: "Today's not so great, but I appreciate you asking. How are you?" And move on.

I, personally, do want an honest answer if I ask, but I do not always want a drawn out, pour your heart out response ... even if the answer is positive!

I might add, my reference to complaints was in regard to a few friends of mine who are of different cultural backgrounds so perhaps this plays a role.