It's Very Hard For Me To Tell My Mother About My Problems,

[Minty]

I'm writing this to ask why is it so hard for me to tell my mother about all of my problems. She is nothing but nice to me. (Don't get me wrong, like any parent she can get irritable at times). I need to tell her that I'm suicidal so I can go to a hospital but it's just too hard for me to tell her. It was hard enough for me to email her and let her know about my depression. How can I tell her without her getting upset that I'm suicidal. I have 3 plans to kill myself (not times, how I would attempt). My feelings are very mixed about this subject as anyone suicidal would be. Advice?

 

[Dissociation]

Why don't you go directly to a help center?

 

[littlelostchild]

Dear Minty, I am so sorry that you are in so much pain right now. I understand completely as I have been suicidal myself at times - most recently about a month ago. I am also a mom. As moms our first instincts are to protect our children and so your mom will want to ensure your safety above all else, so she will want to know and will want to be sure that you get the care you need.

I have also been in the professional position to have to tell moms and dads that their children are harming themselves or are writing or speaking about harming themselves. It is difficult for parents to hear, but they want their children to be safe. I have also had the role of providing support to schools when a child has taken his or her own life. Everyone says that they wish that they had known so that they could have provided support. This is especially true for the parents.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it may not be easy for you to tell her, but know that the love that your mother has for you (I can tell from your entry that this is true) will give her the strength to help you get the help that you need. You have an illness and your mother will help you get to the resources that will help you get better. You shared that you have 3 plans - this suggests that you need to talk with someone as soon as possible about this. Have you called a Crisis Line or spoken with a counsellor about this?

Be well and know that you are loved

 

[Minty]

I am in therapy, my therapist knows I've felt like seriously injuring myself, he does not know that I've self harmed and that I'm suicidal. I have not called a crisis line because she would hear me call, and she'd know if I went to a help center. My mom is overprotective and I live in a small town and wants to know if im going somewhere and could easily hear if i made a phone call. It's just really hard to tell her. I told her I'm depressed over email and she got me help. It's really hard to tell her I am suicidal. I just don't know what to do :'(

 

[DMerish]

Hi Minty -

You've got a lot going on. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I looked through some of your original posts to get an overview of what's going on and things sound very, very tough. I think you've got some options, but I don't want to throw out any suggestions before having a little bit more info, if you don't mind . . . For starters,

1. Are you regularly doing what you need to do for your Diabetes?
2. What things are you interested in? Do you have any siblings?
3. Are you in the USA? If so, do your parents have joint custody, or does one parent have sole custody and the other parent "visitation"? If sole custody, who is your custodian?
4. Is your father and step-mom aware that you're going to therapy?

Hang in there Minty - you are young and you can get through this. I'm glad you realize that SI sometimes comes with depression: that SI are made up of thoughts/feelings and thoughts/feelings can, and do, change.

:hug:
Drew
Mom to three adult sons : )

 

[a3a2]

Hi, Minty,

I think it is a good sign that you want to get help. And a great sign that you have a great relationship with your mom. You are trying to protect her. But right now, you are the one who needs protection. If I were in your shoes, I think this is what would work best for me. Write her a note. Tell her how much you love her and appreciate her love and support. And tell her that this is why you are able to seek the help you need to live. And ask her to help you get that help.

Remember, your getting help also is protecting her from a greater emotional pain.

I hope it is okay if I keep you in my prayers.

 

[littlelostchild]

Hi Minty,

I have been thinking about you. Please tell an adult that you trust what you are thinking. If you can't bring yourself to tell your mom perhaps there is a trusted teacher or other person you can tell. From your second entry I can see that you have been harming yourself. Please reach out to a caring adult - there are lots of people out there who will help you. Remember you have an illness which requires treatment and the only way you can get the treatment is if you let someone know how you are feeling.

Be well

 

[Minty]

Yes I'm taking care of diabetes, I am interested in technology, I have sibblibigs, mom has sole cusdoty father gets visitation, yeah they k ow I'm in therapy...

 

[Abstract]

Minty, I think when some people have betrayed our trust then it can become difficult to trust anyone even when we know they are probably trustworthy.

I am not sure if this is the case for you too but many of us have grown up being blamed for a parents feelings and feeling that we have to be extra good and cause no trouble in order to be accepted.

Remember that your mother loves you and even though she is going to be very distressed to hear you are suicidal she will be a trillion times more depressed if you harm yourself. Sadly you cannot protect her from the reality of your pain. It is what it is. Give her the opportunity to help you and yourself the opportunity to be helped.

The person responsible for the pain and distress is the person or persons who harmed you and not you. You deserve help and I hope you find the courage to ask for it. You are way too young to be dealing with this on your own. Many of us have done that in the past and regretted it.

 

[DMerish]

Okay. Well, I'm not an attorney. But contacting one, or at least doing your own research on the internet, would be very helpful to understand how the laws concerning child custody in your State work.

I assume you're in the USA, and I believe the majority of States in the USA have very similar laws about child custody. You're 15 - at that age the courts seriously consider the wishes of the child with regard with whom the child wants to live and the amount and type of visitation with the other parent. Because they know, at 15, one can be very stubborn and simply refuse to not do things, in general. And, because, in most States, at the age of 16 one can become emancipated from both parents.

I think you might be fearful of telling your mom about how deep your depression is and your SI because you know she cares about you, hearing the news will upset her, and you don't want to upset her. That's very, very understandable. However, her natural instincts and her role as your mother (if she's a good parent) will put your well being and your care far above any discomfort that she feels. Good parents want to know what's going on with their children: the "good" and the "bad" so they can share in celebrating the good and help address issues that contribute to the bad . . . to ensure that the child grows up to be an adult that's as healthy and happy as possible. From what you've written, I think you want to tell your mom what's going on but you just don't know how.

You mentioned that your father and step-mom abused you. When abuse happens people generally have feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. Continuing to be with your father and step-mom, when you don't want to, may be keeping you stuck in feelings of hopelessness/helplessness. What helps people move beyond those feelings is getting in touch with their strength(s) - their power.

How can you exercise your power and change things? Learning about custody laws in your state and taking action. I want to suggest that you write your mom a letter, not an email, but a letter that talks about (1) your feelings and fears including your fear about her becoming upset at hearing the news of your SI, (2) address the conundrum that because of the past abuse being made to be with your father and step-mother for extended periods of time, without your choice in the matter, makes your fears, your feelings of hopelessness/helplessness worse, (3) expresses your appreciation for her getting you to therapy and asks for her continued help in moving beyond the dilemma. Also write out a contract between the two of you that states you won't act on your SI. Then sit down with your mom and read her the letter. (If you want, you can post the letter on this forum for feedback before you sit down with her)

The fact that your mom has sole custody puts her in a powerful position; it gives her more responsibility with regard to your care. And, in most states, if the visitation agreement was made more than two years ago, the courts will take a current look at the situation and impose a different alternative than what's in place now.

You have the strength and the power to change your situation, Minty. You might not feel it right now, but it's there. Dig deep. Start getting in touch with your power and take action steps that let other people know you've got it! Keep posting in this forum and folks here will support you!!!!

:hug:
Drew

 

[Minty]

Thanks for your responses. I think I'll just email her about it. I'll wrote ittonight and iI will send it tomorrow. It'll make sure I'm away so she can't get upset in front of me at first. I'll write it all out. I'll request that she takes me to a hospital. Is this a good idea?

 

[digger]

I think it would be better if you weren't away when she receives it. I think that will worry her more. Good on you for making the decision to tell her.