I've Always Wanted To Tell You...

[Pami]

It's so hard. I come here to just talk about how hard it is and then I wonder what the point is. Why do I have a need to mention that it's hard. It's hard.
It's one good day and then it's suffering suffering suffering.
It's almost boring how it's just so much the same shit as if suffering is just becoming mundane. I feel like it's even boring to those around me and it is.
I don't know. Just almost just don't even want to be here. It's so hard just to stay alive.

 

[Hucule]

f*ck you all and the way you treated me. You are the most selfish people I have ever met in my life and I've never encountered anyone quite so hopelessly f*cked and unaware of themselves on earth.

 

[Ija]

This is a good idea...

 

[Goco]

Ooops, posted before I had a chance to write what I wanted to. I love you so much. Everything you've said and done in the last few years makes me think that you love me too, and I don't mean in a platonic way. There is always this tension when we're together but of course, I would never go there, if you don't want to. You know I'll still be there for you , no matter what.

 

[Ofen]

The things you said set me up for this and I feel so much anger knowing that, and knowing that you don't even remember doing it. I can't forget and I wish I could. Do you think I want to feel this way? To have something eating away inside me that I can't do anything about? And every time you say you can't be what I need I just want to scream at you. Did I ever ask for you to be? No. I didn't. I did what was right. Just like I've been struggling to do from the beginning. That's what you do when you care about someone, you know. You do what is right. You don't confuse them further.

 

[Umoref]

I've written to you before in my sketchbooks and usually burn the letters because if I ever sent them to you it would cause some kind of horribleness. I've been wanting to tell you for the last 8 years that I really needed a friend and you f*cked that up for me forever. I can't trust anyone because of what you did. At the same time, I did everything I could to protect you. I kept quiet so that you could have that normal f*cking life that you're now experiencing. Why do I miss you so much?!?!?! Why did you have to do that?!?!?! I've been numb ever since. At first it was easier to shove down and out of my mind. I was enjoying my new life away from you. But as the years went on, it became harder and harder for me to not think about you and what you did. I wish it never happened and I wish we had both given it a better chance. Now I feel like my life that I've been creating will crumble if I don't try some new approach and try to get some kind of help. I loved you. That is why I never wanted to hurt you. I tried to keep you at a distance so that I couldn't hurt you. Turns out you were the one I should have been concerned about the whole time.

 

[Eluku]

Things are really bad. I can't even believe it sometimes that things can slip further. First there is my ongoing mental state which is not going well and things in my life are headed south. Even things that seemed so firm before. I don't know what to do.

 

[Digon]

I let you in. You promised you would never hurt me. You've hurt me more than anyone before. You blame all of our problems on the fact that my dad was an awful father. You compare me to him! Well, you've never met him, so F*** you you piece of worthless s***. My father isn't in this farce of a relationship! It's not his fault that you lie, it's not his fault that you are verbally violent when we disagree, it's not his fault that you are such an unforgivable a**. And, it most certainly isn't my fault that your apologies apparently only mean "I'm sorry that you're mad" because you take back all of your apologies at the beginning of the next fight.

You keep saying I need to get help because our relationship woes are due to my childhood. Ha!! When you can tell me logically how my childhood caused you to do everything you promised you wouldn't do, then maybe I'll go back to you. But, I have a feeling that the sun will revolve around the earth first.

 

[Ofen]

I think I'm beginning to hate you. It's just easier this way. To hate you before you hate me.

 

[Udesur]

I am so hurt that you don't love me anymore. I'm mad that you don't love me anymore for the reason that I'm suffering so much. I don't take it out on you. I don't think I do a lot of things that people in the supporter section complain about. All I did was suffer so much you just checked out. I feel so left and abandoned by you. I feel so saddened. And yet it's love. It's not that you're not being kind to me. It's just that whatever strange thing it is that makes up love has left. I feel so alone now.

 

[Ajaj]

You are the queen of self-righteous b!tches. How can you possibly preach to me about GOSSIPING when you're the one who spread nasty rumors about me last summer and threatened me with physical harm at the hands of your friends?

GOSSIPING is when you spread rumors about an identifiable person and as such the info can be passed on and on and on. I went to you and disclosed an issue I had with someone whom you don't know (have never met), nor did I use a name. I was merely asking ADVICE but you accused me of spreading nasty gossip. Sweetie, pull out your damn dictionary because what I did was NOT gossip. What you did to me WAS gossip with the added benefit of threatened violence!

I want to kick myself for trying to mend our friendship. I'm glad I saw the light and booted you again. Friends don't "therapize" their friends. Especially when they're still wannabe social workers who drop out of school. 'Nuff said.

 

[Amivaj]

You let me down. I had hopes for you. You got your specialness killed and now look at you.