Jaded With Twelve Step Recovery

[GrayOwl]

I'm a longtime twelve step and addictions survivor, almost 35 years of meetings myself, and a strong supporter of twelve step programs. Mine still works for me - but in a much different manner than when I came to them 34 years ago. (34 yrs of meetings does not = 34 years sober, by the way - contented sobriety has only come recently - and only because I finally found a way to deal with trauma issues)
So I agree with everything being said here.
I would suggest that you take whatever positives (note clearly - "positives") from your 12 step experiences and move on.
@FridayJones I couldn't agree more. My 12 step program works for me - and my penchant to escape into alcohol or any other mind altering escape. But it stops there. My emotional and trauma issues require professional, positive processes - and there isn't anyone at a twelve step meeting qualified enough, expert enough, or likely caring enough - to help you through what it is you are needing and looking for.
@Ms Blue Sky: If you're ever needing a quick sobriety fix, you can always return to a twelve step meeting - but addictions are one thing - ptsd and trauma is another - and I'm glad you are seeking to resolve what you need to beyond 12 step. Keep an open mind.
Far from being offended by this thread - I am so glad you posted it.
I so hope you find what works for you, find some happiness and well deserved peace of mind. They can be elusive, but they do exist.

 

[ladee]

@GrayOwl, thank you for the reply. You are the exception to the rule as far as being open minded to other ways to get sober. The staying sober is our responsibility after we learn we can and do quit drinking, regardless of how we get sober. I too have 34 yrs and some months sober. I wouldn't trade my time in the rooms for anything...
But I am also glad I am not in the rooms anymore. I also know, I can go anytime I want or need to...

 

[Whyteferret]

@ladee @GrayOwl

True PTSD is different from substance abuse but addicts usually have underlying issues- often PTSD. Working on them together is usually more effective than apart.

I'm having more issues not relapsing now since I know drinking numbs me.

I'm glad there is AA. It works for a lot of people. I'm also glad for SMART. It offers another option. Whatever keeps someone sober and helps build a better life-use it.

 

[Ms Blue Sky]

I am incredibly grateful for all your responses, thank you - when I wrote my post I was fearful of being judged or told off for airing my views here about the fellowships I was in, I wasn't in AA, I was in Codependent's Anonymous, Underearner's Anonymous and Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous
I think what mad me feel jaded about it the most was that in Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, you have to make three outreach calls a day to other members, which I faithfully did - but I wasn't really living my life, I was convincing myself I had a life and I had friends and people to call on, but they weren't real friends, we all phoned eachother as part of recovering from our " disease " as we called it, it wasn't actually really to speak to the other person per se - I didn't feel like there was a real connection there. I never met these people for coffee or anything, some of them I spoke to on the phone every week for months but never saw them in person. Now I've stopped calling and now there is a gap but I'm doing things like checking out local singing groups or amateur dramatics or churches, where I will make proper friends and connections I hope
These calls also dominated my time and my life, often you made three and you took three as well so you spent half your life on the phone coming up with issues to discuss in your head, overthinking every aspect of your life, now I've left I've registered with a doctor and a dentist and I'm thinking of a career change and I've sorted out my wardrobe, I did none of this stuff before

You were also always made to feel guilty if you didn't do service within the group, but then I thought, in churches you are not made to feel guilty if you don't have time to do service? These meetings were far from my home and I had to travel a long way

I have one friend still from the fellowships who is a lovely human being, so warm, compassionate, funny and kind but apart from her I haven't kept in touch with others and they haven't contacted me, really I think we were just objects to each other, we never met up, I was a thing that helped them in their recovery journey and there will be plenty more to replace me

I'm already feeling much more positive now I'm out and not as angry or as jaded - though I am lonely now, I have hope for the future, I'm not constantly focusing on what issues or problems or defects of character I should focus on to share with others and what problems I can share with other people on the phone or at meetings, I'm not focused on problems now, just on solutions
And I actually watched a pretty funny movie tonight, Ruthless People and I enjoyed it, when I read Bradshaw as well " healing the shame that binds you " before, I would read over and over the bits about toxic shame and think about how they applied to me, but now when I look at it, I enjoy the parts that are more about the spiritual solution

I am a misery addict no more! As an end note, these fellowships did help me when I really needed to go at first, when I was in a terrible situation and my self esteem was on the floor, they were very helpful at first - but when I got further and further into them and more deeply involved, devoting myself to four meetings a week and making three outreach calls a day, that was when I noticed how negative my life was getting, too much focus on the negative so there was barely any room for anything positive anymore, pretty scary

Still recovering from DID but I am hopeful! Once again thank you so much for the warmth and kindness in your replies X

 

[GrayOwl]

These groups are about evolving, growing, and recovering - and moving on. Sometimes within, sometimes without.
Absolutely!!! You should feel NO guilt or remorse for having travelled successfully along that path.
You've made a friendship with a compassionate friend. And grown and gained in many ways. I sure hope your path in life continues to see you grow and flourish.
It makes my day. Thanks for sharing. Stay positive!
:joyful: :hug:

 

[Ms Blue Sky]

Thank you so much GrayOwl! I hope we will both have plenty more of the positive stuff to share on this board as we grow and recover, blessings to you! :-) X

 

[GrayOwl]

Hi !!.............
Just thought I'd send a :hug: and wishes for a happy Thursday..... Or whatever day you get this....