Undiagnosed Journey with CPTSD, Asperger's, and ADHD: My Story

[Donda]

Hi, just introducing myself. I'm self diagnosed CPTSD. Formally diagnosed AUDHD (Asperger's and ADHD). My life purpose used to be trying to figure out what was wrong with me. After about 32 years of searching I found out that nothing is really "wrong" with me. But I have been through a lot, and as is typical for children with CPTSD, I was left to figure it out on my own, and that was impossible. I survived long enough to age into some maturity, and to be able to search every place possible, and found out that I have Asperger's Syndrome, and ADHD, and I figured out the CPTSD on my own as an adult who has decided not to turn to counsellors anymore, or to need the formal validation of another diagnosis.

I'm doing do much better than a year ago, and then so much better than 2 years ago, and so on. I am now on to discovering how I can contribute through work, or a profession. But I still get mauled by emotional flashbacks that slow me down and take chunks out of time. I am learning to discern when I am having an emotional flashback, when it's not "me" now. I just made it through another one that lasted for about a week, and I realized what was going on about 6 days in. So, it seems like I begin to realize what's going on as I'm coming out.

During the flashbacks I lose the will to live. It's very consuming when it happens, and I'm looking forward to being able to post here or read other posts here when it happens again.

Thank you,
Donda

 

[Riley Jones]

Hi, just introducing myself. I'm self diagnosed CPTSD. Formally diagnosed AUDHD (Asperger's and ADHD). My life purpose used to be trying to figure out what was wrong with me. After about 32 years of searching I found out that nothing is really "wrong" with me. But I have been through a lot, and as is typical for children with CPTSD, I was left to figure it out on my own, and that was impossible. I survived long enough to age into some maturity, and to be able to search every place possible, and found out that I have Asperger's Syndrome, and ADHD, and I figured out the CPTSD on my own as an adult who has decided not to turn to counsellors anymore, or to need the formal validation of another diagnosis.

I'm doing do much better than a year ago, and then so much better than 2 years ago, and so on. I am now on to discovering how I can contribute through work, or a profession. But I still get mauled by emotional flashbacks that slow me down and take chunks out of time. I am learning to discern when I am having an emotional flashback, when it's not "me" now. I just made it through another one that lasted for about a week, and I realized what was going on about 6 days in. So, it seems like I begin to realize what's going on as I'm coming out.

During the flashbacks I lose the will to live. It's very consuming when it happens, and I'm looking forward to being able to post here or read other posts here when it happens again.

Thank you,
Donda

Hello Donda,

Thank you for sharing a part of your journey with us. It's courageous of you to open up about your self-diagnosed CPTSD, Asperger's Syndrome, and ADHD, and to acknowledge the challenges you've faced. It's true that finding a sense of validation and understanding in our experiences can be empowering and transformative.

Navigating through emotional flashbacks can be incredibly difficult, and I'm glad to hear that you are becoming more aware of when they occur and how they impact you. Recognizing these triggers is a significant step towards managing them effectively.

It's great that you're making progress in your healing journey and feeling better compared to before. The healing process can be nonlinear, and setbacks are a part of the journey. Remember that it's okay to seek support when needed, whether it's through online communities like this one or professional help.

Here on myptsd.com, you can connect with others who understand what you're going through, share your experiences, and gain insights and support from a community that truly comprehends the challenges of living with PTSD and CPTSD. Feel free to explore the different forums that focus on various aspects of trauma and healing.

Keep taking care of yourself, Donda. Your resilience and determination are truly inspiring. Feel free to reach out here whenever you need a listening ear or some encouragement.

Warm regards,
Riley Jones

 

[Sideways]

Welcome:)

 

[Friday]

My life purpose used to be trying to figure out what was wrong with me

Dearest gods… find a new f*cking purpose.

 

[Teasel]

Living as an audhd person and not knowing it, but knowing that everyone treats you like there's something wrong with you makes it very understandable to want to figure out what's wrong with you.

Glad you realised you're audhd and that things are improving for you.

 

[anthony]

Hi, just introducing myself. I'm self diagnosed CPTSD.

Hi Donda, welcome to the community.

But I still get mauled by emotional flashbacks that slow me down and take chunks out of time. I am learning to discern when I am having an emotional flashback, when it's not "me" now. I just made it through another one that lasted for about a week, and I realized what was going on about 6 days in. So, it seems like I begin to realize what's going on as I'm coming out.

During the flashbacks I lose the will to live. It's very consuming when it happens, and I'm looking forward to being able to post here or read other posts here when it happens again.

I want to pull this apart a little, because I think you've headed down a path that is not accurately describing your issues, nor allowing you to focus on the actual issue happening.

Why do I say this? Because an emotional flashback does not last a week, or even a day, not even hours. A flashback is a sudden, intense, reaction, you have based on something traumatic in your past. It has a trigger. Trigger starts flashback, flashback happens, then you have an outcome. That outcome is not a flashback, ongoing. That outcome is a symptomatic reaction. That could be anxiety, depression, hypervigilance, etc etc.

Why am I saying all this? Because its important to understand this in order to fix it. If you're telling yourself you're having an emotional flashback for a week, then you're likely telling yourself that there is nothing you can do about that, beyond maybe isolating yourself. Wrong thinking results in wrong action.

This is not fault or failure, its just learning.

Identify the trigger that caused the flashback. Then identify the emotions felt from the flashback. Then identify the symptoms now caused as a result of those emotions.

The cause is the trauma, not the trigger. Everything goes back to the trauma. Focus on fixing the trauma. But you understand the element of trauma in your history by identifying the process, narrowing things down. Sometimes people just know, sometimes they don't.

Its a process... but you must understand what is really happening, not believing you're having a week long emotional flashback. Flashbacks often cause depression, so how do we treat depression? Get moving, get active, immediately. Walk, run, go to the gym, whatever you can do, you can exercise. Exercise is proven to counter depression. Fact. It is the single #1 best thing you can do to help control depression.

Each symptom has a profile, and that profile can be treated.

 

[Donda]

Thank you to everyone for responding .

Thank you, Anthony, for giving me something to think about.