Just a vent - triggers never stop

I was diagnosed with C-PTSd last April. I am a childhood trauma they say survivor, but I don't think so. A resident where I live had some kind of loud fan that caused vibration in my bedroom. My bed vibrated so much I had severe sleep deprivation and chronic stress. I made tenant complaints forms out against this person and they were ignored. Two and a half months into this excruciating existence, I noticed odd behaviors. I would just stare, what I think now was dissociation. C-PTSD is the worst illness I have ever experienced. I've never had a good self-image or self-esteem. I have high anxiety. I still have to live in the same place and the same tenant slams doors and has a fan with a lower vibration. Because of the hell I went through last February through June...the noise and vibration have me stressed and trying not to get angry...since we have no emotion regulator it is not easy. I immediately started reaching out to stop his bullying, yes this is on purpose, but I am finding that powers that be will not listen to me complain of the same thing...that destroyed me and broke my brain. I have noise-canceling headphones on right now and I can still hear the noise and feel the vibration in my living room. He loves to turn whatever the machine is on high...then off then med then high. This is a game to him. He causes me to be hypervigilant by starting me by slamming his door. I sit here in fear. My place is soothing full of plants, and calming, I diffuse oils, and I deep breathe. I do everything that we are supposed to do but if the triggering never stops, I feel like I will end up in the psyche ward some days. I have read everyone's posts and have felt the same at one time or another. My family cannot handle this c-ptsd and has vanished. Not all of them, but enough. I wish all of you better days..I wish I knew how to get them to you and myself. Thank you for letting me vent Hugs Laurie
 
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