Just Diagnosed With Ptsd

[katiekat]

I stared therapy about four months ago for issues related to my career. Three weeks ago I dissociated in therapy for what I consider to be the first time. I felt paralyzed, frightened, it was as if my mind sort of turned off for a few minutes. I felt like the walls were closing in on me and my vision got weird. My T told me I have ptsd due to years of childhood abuse from my brother and emotional and physical neglect from my parents.

Just curious how treatment is supposed to go. My T had me buy a workbook on trauma and today my session was really disappointing. He spent the whole time telling me to go home and do the book, and to make sure I am clear on why I am doing it. I am so confused, frustrated and disappointed. If I only just had my first dissociation and it only happened during therapy, what am I dealing with? Should my T be talking to me about my trauma? I only just now started trusting him and I am not sure he knows how to treat me if he doesn't help me talk about my trauma and tells me to go home and basically treat myself via this book oh and btw to not be alarmed if suicidal thoughts come up. What should I expect on treatment?

 

[Seasounds]

If I only just had my first dissociation and it only happened during therapy, what am I dealing with? Should my T be talking to me about my trauma?

You are right; first, the dissociation, could've been caused from his insensitive style (telling you to go do the workbook), instead of simply, warmly, empathetically, listening to you. You therapist sounds 'emotionally dismissive' of your need to relate more deeply.

I am not sure he knows how to treat me if he doesn't help me talk about my trauma

Secondly, you are right; he doesn't know how to treat you.

Trust your gut; leave. You don't like his style of relating to you, and it isn't helping you. Yes, look for someone who can easily listen to you.

Unfortunately, there are therapists out there who should not be doing therapy. Fortunately, there are some good therapists who are doing therapy! Interview a few more therapists. You have good instincts. You will recognize the right one-someone who is empathetic, a good listener, and who is someone you enjoy.

Just so you know, I've run into the same thing.

Hope you find a better therapist!

 

[WillyKat]

I agree with change that interviewing other therapists would be worth your while. You need to have someone that listens and who's style you believe in. That kind of chemistry is hugely important. Don't worry about hurting their feelings by firing them and going to someone else.

You also have the option of saying that you would rather talk about x, y, and z. Remember, they work for you, and you have a right to know the game plan, to "drive" so to speak.

That said, he may have had some success with his method with other clients. But his method may not work for you and you are the important one here.

Another thought: do you think you would be more comfortable working with a female therapist? I'm male, but I don't know if I would like working with a male therapist. Of the two male therapists I've seen, one was a quack and the other didn't really do me much good. About the one thing I remember that the second one said to me once was "at some primal level, maybe you enjoyed it." I'm sure there are lots of male therapists that are just fine; I just have not met one yet.

 

[katiekat]

I really like my therapist, and I have finally been able to open up to him about things, which allowed him to put together my diagnosis. I guess I just find it odd that he isn't asking me about my past really at all except for a few times, the last of which was when I dissociated. He made a recommendation for me to see someone he knows who does EMDR(?), but I told him that sounded scary and that I was finally starting to feel comfortable with him and didn't want to have to start over with a new person.Is it common to have your first dissociation/flashback in therapy? Is it possible my therapist feels responsible for it and therefor is not even going into it with me now? I have a really hard time starting a conversation with him about my past, and I feel like he is telling me my past is causing problems for me right now, but he isnt addressing the issues, he is telling me to read a book by myself outside of the session. It feels like I am to treat myself. I just dont understand what he is doing. I emailed him last night to tell him I wasnt satisfied with our session yesterday, and hopefully I was clear on why, but I have a feeling my email didnt make a lot of sense and now I just feel kinda dumb about it.

 

[WillyKat]

Ah, OK. I think sending the email was a really good idea. If he doesn't understand it, he can ask you to clarify. Don't feel dumb about it. If you like him and are comfortable, then you'll be OK.

Just to reiterate, there are no dumb questions about therapy. There are a lot of things you'll have to talk about that are really uncomfortable. I told my therapist once that it felt like I was marooned on another planet and didn't know what I could eat. There will be a lot of uncharted territory. It's OK to ask questions about where it's going.

 

[katiekat]

Oh-one more thing. He told me that before I do that workbook, I need to become really clear on WHY I am going to do the workbook. My questions to him were "Why do I want to dig up my past if I blocked a lot of it? What good will that do in helping me in my current life?" Does anyone have reasons why you began your recovery? Like I said earlier, my first flashback was just in the therapists office a few weeks ago, and nothing really since.

 

[WillyKat]

Even though the memories are locked in a place you can't access consciously, they or the effects are part of you. They affect you in ways that you can't always put your finger on, they affect sleep, dreams, and you unconscious, which is a very big part of your life.

So the theory is that by bringing them into the open, you can deal with them in therapy and integrate them in a way that's similar / same as any other memory.

It's like turning the lights on when someone is in your house when they should not be there. You and your therapist can see the enemy, so to speak.

It's a nebulous topic and tricky to deal with. I for example don't remember all the details, though I remember enough. The two good therapists I've had were not concerned about dragging out the other details. It's also possible that some memories can never be accessed.

Hope that helps.

 

[katiekat]

I think I just discovered a trigger. After sending that email to my T last night, today I have felt awful. Depressed, not good enough, shame, guilt... all for asserting myself. Is that how a normal person reacts to asking for what they need? I have always reacted to asserting myself with great fear. Now I can make a link back to my childhood. My parents dismissed my brother's destructive behavior, and would often blame me for provoking him when they would "try" to figure out what happened. It usually came down to me being punished and my brother getting away with murder. No wonder I have a hard time opening up to my therapist and trusting him. Ugh. This is kind of sickening. Just thinking about it makes me feel like Im on the verge of "checking out".

 

[Abstract]

I only just now started trusting him and I am not sure he knows how to treat me if he doesn't help me talk about my trauma and tells me to go home and basically treat myself

I think it is very worthwhile checking with your T what his motivations are as often it is our own fears we are projecting onto them. It may be that he wants you to start understanding more about trauma in general and that it has nothing to do with expecting you to treat yourself.

He made a recommendation for me to see someone he knows who does EMDR

Do you know if he is a trauma therapist? It is worth finding out and finding out if he is able to treat your situation. I know you are scared of the possibility of change but it is important you see someone who understands trauma if you are dealing with trauma. It is a very responsible and caring therapist that will refer you on if they feel you need to be referred on.

Sadly ignoring the past doesn't solve anything when it comes to trauma. Believe me I have tried! :bag:

 

[katiekat]

Heard back from my T tonight. He said he is glad I am asking for what I need and he wants to help me achieve what I need and will provide the structure that I need. He is committed to helping me feel safe to share with him, and wants to keep communication open about all of this. I feel so much better. I am sure its all part of my past issues coming up, but I was worried all day he was going to ask me to see someone else. I am so embarrassed and ashamed that I am having such a hard time opening up to him. My traumas were not that bad (in my current opinion) but for some reason it is impossible to talk about them. I do so much better writing it down, which I supposed is cowardly, and that doesn't feel very good either.