Simon Belmont
New Here
Hows it going? Not sure how this forum works, but heres my story in random portions:
(Please Note Im Not Holding Back Anything But Names Etc. And Its Quite A Bit Dramatic)
I'm 27, the first memory I have is when I was 2, the cops came to our house and busted
my "dad" for making/selling drugs, he put up a fight. The next event involved my "dad" shooting off one his biker gang members legs out of drug induced paranoia. ( I witnessed this when I was 3). The next event which occurred 5 months is that one of my "dads" druggy "friends" raped and killed my mother while my "dad" was in prison. I attempted to rescue her while she screamed, the murderer told me he would kill me if i didn't run (a source of major guilt when i got older,even though it is really unlikely i could have done anything).
I was then sent to live with my grandparents, one who attempted to commit suicide with me in the room a year later, until a relative intervened in a violent fashion(taking a gun and forcing to the grandparents head saying stuff like "is this what you want you coward" etc). Both the grandparents suffered from heartattacks that same year(and survived them). During that time we had to stay at various family members houses. At school most people stayed away from me because they knew what happened to me(I lived in a really small rural area). It didn't help when a direct family memberIi never met commited a "justifiable" homicide and became world famous for it(when i was age 8).....I also suffered from mental and occasional physical abuse from my grandparents, often being told I wasn't good at anything, I would never result to anything/not being allowed to go places quite often, grounded, not being able to play on sports team, having items taken away etc.(pretty much placing all the blame on me). I was never able to have actual friends or girlfriends as most of them were afraid of me. Thought I was too negative etc.
Skipping up until 3 years ago: the murderer starts a case trying to get himself out of prison. Its in the media, with my name included. I absolutely lose it. I thought I was done with this. I thought he had accepted his fate. I take this as if it's a personal war on me...I run away...moving here and there within the states to hide from this problem. He commits suicide last year, which in my book isnt it good enough. He won to an extent. Had he continued his penalty and died in prison, I would have been fine with it. Had he got out I would have got revenge...this was my plan...I totally lost it from there on out and am trying to figure out.
Had to leave all of that behind and possibly use it in a positive aspect(helping kids out etc.), but there is so many scars and only so much I can do living in poverty and barely scraping by. Hope needed! BTW when I was able to see a therapist about this they told me I have "delayed ptsd", but I believe I've probably had it my whole life.
Thanks For Reading And Dealing With My band Grammar ;)
(Please Note Im Not Holding Back Anything But Names Etc. And Its Quite A Bit Dramatic)
I'm 27, the first memory I have is when I was 2, the cops came to our house and busted
my "dad" for making/selling drugs, he put up a fight. The next event involved my "dad" shooting off one his biker gang members legs out of drug induced paranoia. ( I witnessed this when I was 3). The next event which occurred 5 months is that one of my "dads" druggy "friends" raped and killed my mother while my "dad" was in prison. I attempted to rescue her while she screamed, the murderer told me he would kill me if i didn't run (a source of major guilt when i got older,even though it is really unlikely i could have done anything).
I was then sent to live with my grandparents, one who attempted to commit suicide with me in the room a year later, until a relative intervened in a violent fashion(taking a gun and forcing to the grandparents head saying stuff like "is this what you want you coward" etc). Both the grandparents suffered from heartattacks that same year(and survived them). During that time we had to stay at various family members houses. At school most people stayed away from me because they knew what happened to me(I lived in a really small rural area). It didn't help when a direct family memberIi never met commited a "justifiable" homicide and became world famous for it(when i was age 8).....I also suffered from mental and occasional physical abuse from my grandparents, often being told I wasn't good at anything, I would never result to anything/not being allowed to go places quite often, grounded, not being able to play on sports team, having items taken away etc.(pretty much placing all the blame on me). I was never able to have actual friends or girlfriends as most of them were afraid of me. Thought I was too negative etc.
Skipping up until 3 years ago: the murderer starts a case trying to get himself out of prison. Its in the media, with my name included. I absolutely lose it. I thought I was done with this. I thought he had accepted his fate. I take this as if it's a personal war on me...I run away...moving here and there within the states to hide from this problem. He commits suicide last year, which in my book isnt it good enough. He won to an extent. Had he continued his penalty and died in prison, I would have been fine with it. Had he got out I would have got revenge...this was my plan...I totally lost it from there on out and am trying to figure out.
Had to leave all of that behind and possibly use it in a positive aspect(helping kids out etc.), but there is so many scars and only so much I can do living in poverty and barely scraping by. Hope needed! BTW when I was able to see a therapist about this they told me I have "delayed ptsd", but I believe I've probably had it my whole life.
Thanks For Reading And Dealing With My band Grammar ;)
