Just Want It To Stop

[Onuji]

Try the VetCenters, too. They're completely separate from the VA, don't share records, completely different structure. Helluva lot less red tape. And while it can take months at some VAs to get an appointment, VetCenters usually have an opening at least within a couple weeks, and often either the same day, or within a couple days. They're flat out designed for PTSD, combat or MST, and really have their shit together. Individual therapy, group, family, as well as other stuff.

Also be sure to check out the Combat Stress Cup. The PTSD Cup - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Explained Helps day to day shit like crazy.

 

[Wanaf]

I have said for a couple weeks now I'll start therapy but it always gets put off for some reason, I guess I'm sca...

Understanding what is happening has helped me tremendously. How would you feel about reading first and then going from there? I like this book - The Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook


<Moderator edit to remove image. You can read more about this, here: Posting Images: When Its Ok, And When It's Not.>

 

[Dinanec]

I'm just mostly scared my wife will truly never understand it, she thinks I'm using again and doing all this bad...

She doesn't believe you? Does she have trust issues?
Can you tell her exactly what you told us in your original post, about how it seems harder since you're been off the meth and am having a hard time accepting you have PTSD because of what you have experienced while serving our country in the military?
Four years, is not too long ago. Everything is still fresh for you and if she can't accept that and thinks you are cheating on her just because your anxiety levels are high, then that is sad and she sounds like a selfish of an insecure person.

 

[Siba]

Although she and the kids are your great motivators, you have to hang in there for YOU! You are the most important person on earth. If you go back to that shit, you lose. And they lose you. So, Be strong for you man! First and foremost! Thank you for your service. Thank you for your hard work. I am sorry for what you have had to sacrifice. We all owe you so much. And all I can give is heartfelt thanks. And my support. So be tough for you.
This is an amazing website, with knowledge and support. Good supportive people who relate and can direct you toward resources that can help. Or just plain be here to listen.
I had to get past my unhealthy coping mechanisms - rum, booze, coke. I had to work through my denial and get help. I had to ask. And it's worked.
My supporter is still with me. A little battle weary, but what a trooper. I love her. And I'm learning how to support her back.
Stay clean. And hang around. You can do this!

 

[Jedeva]

I'm just mostly scared my wife will truly never understand it, she thinks I'm using again and doing all this bad stuff when I'm not I am just losing my shit in my mind and don't know how to express it, and she does help but I know it drains her mentally and she doesn't really get it

She may not ever get it... and that's ok. Not understanding PTSD is not enough to mean the end. Whta matters is you getting help.

I honestly don't know I try to hide it so much from her now because like I said I don't want.to push her away with it

I'm sure you have heard this before, but if you keep doing what you are doing, you will get the same results.

I know you are shit scared. I can't tell you of an option that isn't scary. Not getting help is hard. Getting help is hard.

But one of those two options gives you a chance to try something new, gives your wife a greater chance of getting it, and most of all, the best chance at the change you want and deserve to have and good solid relief from symptoms.

So if it's gonna be hard either way, how about choosing the option that potentially leads to a hell of a lot of relief?

 

[Movemu]

Is there a reason she thinks you are cheating? Have you in the past?

There are books and resources on here for supporters if she's willing.

 

[Ezik]

I was blown up on a foot patrol in Iraq 4 years ago and life has been so impossible it seems like since .. I neve...

Minus the blown up part, you and I share a few common bonds. I am a former 68w, 11b. My 2 tours to Afghanistan have left me a shell of who I used to be. I try to make sense of the shit thats rolling around in my head using a cocktail of prescription medications, weed and meth. wtf! that's not who I am! sadly, that's who I have become. I too am married. 18 years now. we are on the verge of separation or worse. she wants to understand and help but can't. We end up arguing and the next thing I know, shit breaking, the house is getting destroyed, and my oldest kids cart the younger siblings away until the all clear has been sounded. Does this sound familiar?

 

[Sejuju]

Please.
Stop the meth.
Life is doable.

 

[Eguna]

Thank you for you honesty.

 

[Ptsdnsilence]

Is there a reason she thinks you are cheating? Have you in the past?

There are books and resources on here for suppo...

No she is just a really insecure person and pushes on me

 

[Ptsdnsilence]

Minus the blown up part, you and I share a few common bonds. I am a former 68w, 11b. My 2 tours to Afghanistan have lef...

All to well unfortunately

 

[Garab]

I've been to the VA rehab in Washington state. I was good for about a month then right back again. I love my wife and kids but this shit is just too close to home. my younger brother deals and now, she's hooked too. she figured can't beat em, join him. To be on my level. FML I ve gotta stop. I know that. it's the only way to get myself back to a close proximity of who I used to be. Take my advice, and get help now. I'm fighting for my family and it's not easy. I always thought that I should have died in country. survivor's guilt they say. t there isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about dying. The only thing keeping me from doingit is my wife and kids. I grew up without a dad and I don't want my kids to go through that. It is really a hard battle. I have to think that I can and want to be clean so hard though.