Relationship "just Words"?

[Nicolette]

oh wow..reading all this really really helps me. Me and my bf are expecting our 1st child together, and I am terrified that this is all going to come crashing down on me..He goes through these random times of anger,directed at me..I am a whore, I am a bad mother to my son, I am a liar...it's all very mean, and all so off. Delutional. It makes me feel like the scum of the earth, and I know that I am not...then it is like the next day nothing happened...it drives me crazy!! I try to be understanding, but it is so hard when I am going through stuff too and I have to pretend it's all about him..and with the pregnancy he is totally being a jerk again...yelling at me, making me cry..saying he doesnt even know if he wants to be with me..and I am not a good mother...idk what to do...i cant subject myself to this verbal abuse..but I dont know how and when to confront these issues...do I envolve his family?

Interested in thoughts about how other carers have drawn some lines their partners shouldn't cross... with or without success.

What works for one may not work for another however I will share what worked for us. As soon as it started I would simply say either "I don't like who you are being right now" or "I don't deserve to be spoken to like this" or "please don't take you anger out on me" and leave the room calmly. Don't let it get beyond those first abusive words. Stop it, leave and give them time to process what has happened - which is you then having set a boundary. It will take multiple times but it did work for me (reinforcement). And when you leave the room - don't go back in a hurry as their processing takes longer than someone without PTSD as at the time of such an outburst they are usually overloaded. At the start it would sometimes be a day before I got a response but don't buy into the fight is the best advice I can share.

If they follow you after the above you then have a more serious problem in that they are looking for a fight. :mad:

 

[Karenf66]

Thanks Nicolette... and sorry its taken me so long to get back here... We're struggling on. I will try your technique for line drawing. My husband's therapy is (slowly) helping... and the bad times are fewer, shorter but somehow more disheartening...