Keeping It Together... Dealing With Symptoms...

[njray]

Red Fox..... Please consult with a professional therapist your issues seem troubling and really need to be addressed with true professionals. Therapists that are licensed and educated in the field of mental health...Remember what this forum is about check over the disclaimers here... I have learned that people here are all not what they appear and actually may be stepping beyond there scope of education. Even though many persons want to help they may be suffering issues themselves and that is why they have landed here and might not be able to offer bias information. Remember this is a support forum not one that gives licensed medical advice.

 

[redfox]

I do have a therapist, have I over stepped some line here? Am I not supposed to be posting about these things? I will stop if that's so... sorry

 

[redfox]

I'm really sorry I know I shouldn't have posted all these things, is there any way to close this thread?

 

[Cheshire]

I don't see that you've done anything wrong posting the things you have.. and as far as I can see, none of the responses here have tried to offer any form of "professional" advice that raises any cause for concern. Offering support and speaking from personal experience and personal observation is hardly a problem, and as far as I know, a totally valid way to respond to any posts on these forums. Isn't that what people are here for?

I feel like I am all alone and no one can ever help me out of this. No one even understands what "this" is. I just don't know what to do.

Redfox, your posts are fine imo. Keep posting and talking things out, just keep in mind that like njray said, don't forego professional therapy just to write here.

 

[Kintsugi]

You haven't overstepped any lines. NJRay was just reminding you that professional help is an important component in moving forward with your healing. I believe the comment was meant out of concern for you and your issues, as everyone here seems to feel that your problems/history is valid and cause for concern and compassion.

I'm happy that you're getting these things out. Keep up the good work.

 

[redfox]

Thanks everyone...

I know therapy is important and I am trying my best with it, but it's so hard to say these things out loud sometimes, right in front of someone. I really am trying though. Next appointment is on Wednesday.

The nightmares were especially bad last night and I am exhausted... really getting sick of this...

 

[OKRADLAK]

Red. I totally understand. What you said, your mother was, "destroyed by mental illness" made me dizzy. That is me, too.I am being destroyed by mental illness, PTSD. I can't get around it. I am crumbling and I can't stop it. I am doing everything right but can't get over it, under it, around it. It steam rolls my EVERY DAY. Starts over EVERY DAY.

It's an awful feeling. I feel like those of us who are detroyed have no other identity. A family member once, not close, said abut me ( I was in other room)...One was saying my art was nice. I was a good artist once, I think. And the other said,

"Yeah, but (OKRADLAK) is crazy."

Like nothing else mattered.

I am tired of it, too. I wish none of us had this. It is a nightmare.

 

[redfox]

I am sorry they said that about you. Every artist I have ever known is unique and often people will call them "crazy" but what it really is is that they are different, they can see the world in a different way and that's why they make good art. So you should be proud to be called crazy... lol... I know how it feels though. But I am not an artist so I don't have the excuse ;)

Stay strong, I think you will get through it... it is not hopeless... maybe if my mother had gotten sick today instead of in the 80s and 90s she would have come out ok... things have advanced since then. She was bipolar and schizophrenic and it was a bad case of both. I hope I will not end up like her and I hope you will not either. But you don't sound crazy to me at all. If you want to message me some time feel free, I hope I can be of some help.

 

[Kintsugi]

Craziness is pretty much the most relative term I can think of other than happiness, spirituality, or beauty. Seriously, what the hell is being crazy, anyway? It is sometimes hard to think of myself as sane and not insane. It is hard for me to think of myself as whole and not broken. I have cultivated an identity out of what I have been exposed to in my environment, and that identity feels both crazy and broken. But I don't believe I am crazy and broken. I think that something crazy happened to me and that it has caused me scarring, but not the hopeless brokenness I have for so long perceived it as.

Building a sane identity for me is built into understanding my own truths and the lies of others? This concept is a little under baked, but I'm working on it.

 

[redfox]

Its really f*cking bad right now I just get so sick of this I cant take all this and I dont know what to do. Why does it have to happen like this. Its always at night its dark and im all alone. I try to distract myself but I can't. I f*cking hate this

 

[Kintsugi]

Have you tried practicing any strict nighttime regimes that may better your relaxation/sleep? For example, reading, tea, light media (no violence, mild language, mild drama), dimming lights early, etc.? These have helped me in the past.

I realized in a panic last night that I am afraid of the dark again. For about a year I have fallen asleep to my favorite shows, watched a hundred times and easily digested, as I was falling asleep. Last night for about 5 minutes of trying to fall asleep, there was no move or show or anything playing and I just sort of panicked and rushed to put something on. It was too dark and too quiet. I was sincerely scared of the dark. It is perhaps pitiable but something I just need to keep working on in myself.

 

[redfox]

I have tried some relaxation techniques and they sometimes help me fall asleep but the nightmares are sstill the same...

Sorry for posting all that in here I was just having a really bad night. Well it's morning again. Back to the grind. I need some coffee.