General Kids With Ptsd?

[Pale Warrior]

Hi PTSD Mamma,

Perhaps you have already been round this loop, but have you investigated Reactive Attachment Disorder?

Some of the behaviours you describe are a good fit and, while I am by no means qualified to diagnose anything, my undergraduate studies in child psychology touched on attachment as an important aspect in emotional development.

Oh, re the dog thing - I wouldn't just yet, too much risk for both child and dog if things went wrong. However, large animal therapy can be a source of much healing for deeply troubled children (and adults).

 

[PTSDMama]

Thanks for responding, Pale Warrior. Yes, he has been assessed for RAD and we are very familiar with it. He does not meet the criteria for diagnosis, but you are correct, his behaviors do fit in that arena.

He does see a dog at my sister's who he does great with, so I think we'll keep it at that for now and not pursue any at our house. :-)

 

[PTSDMama]

Ohhh just need to type this out somewhere and I guess this is as good a place as any. It's a good thing feelings don't last that long...today I feel utterly defeated. It's funny that I just posted last week how great things went and today I feel so horrible. I see others adopting and helping hurting kids, and their stories are not as tough as ours. I feel like I'm so not good at it today! Why can't I get him fascinated by things that are good and fun? Why can't I draw him in? Why do I wake up some days not wanting to get out of bed?

Oh yeah, it's PTSD. Grrrrr....so irritated with it today. So, we're chucking his formal lessons today and we're headed to the farm! Running, exploring, spending time with animals, seeing God's glory - THAT's what we both need today. Oh, and some coffee for me. :sleep:

 

[ProudWife99]

As I sip my morning coffee I send lots and lots of comfort your way! You truly are a beautiful, wonderful person. Don't let the wrath of PTSD take that away from you, PTSDMama! It will try as hard as it can, but I try to remind myself every day that I can sacrifice a lot of things for this illness, but not my self worth. That is the engine in this whole thing. =) We're here to remind you of that whenever you need it!

((((((((PTSDMama))))))))

 

[PTSDMama]

Thanks for that! It's a good reminder and that's where I tend to go with this - attack on the self worth.

The farm did the trick for the moment - we even got some science in...the farm cat came up to us with a mouse in his mouth, doing the things *ahem* that farm cats do with mice. It did our hearts good to be out in the cool spring air, hiking, etc.

Now to keep that in our hearts the rest of the day.

 

[Pale Warrior]

Hi Mama!

So glad you folks managed to find the silver lining!

Re the home schooling, I don't know how it works in the US, do you get support from specialist teachers? Are you a mamber of a home school network? Do you get any on-line lessons?

When you say,

Why can't I get him fascinated by things that are good and fun? Why can't I draw him in?

If you can you give me an idea what sort of activities you are talking about, what methods you are trying, I might be able to offer some ideas. It's what I specialised in for 5 years and I have met some extremely challenging youngsters. I know a lot of the theory as well as the hard stuff - how it really works with troubled 6 year olds.

Thinking of you both, x

 

[PTSDMama]

Re the home schooling, all that is available as needed, depending on the curriculum, etc. We belong to several groups which do educational field trips, home school gym, holiday card swaps, support each other, etc.

We do a lot of physical activity with our lessons, and between them. If I can work in any sort of activity to a lesson, I do - he focuses better that way. We lay on our bellies to read, or invert and do pushups to read words, etc to engage better. We bounce a ball back and forth to spell. We lay on a ball and roll back and forth while doing math. Those are a few examples. For writing, we use a multi-sensory approach - writing in rice or sand, something like that...writing in the air, on each other's backs. We spend as much time as we can learning outside too.

Hope that makes sense.

Overall, I think it goes pretty well. There are just days like yesterday where I feel like no matter what we do I can't get him to be interested...not just in lessons but relationally as well. And then it gets better...what a rollercoaster!

 

[Eleanor]

PTSDmama, hoping today is a brighter day:). It is a good thing that there are not so many kinds of hurts in this world that fresh air and sunshine can't make a little better, or look a little more manageable.

 

[Pale Warrior]

Hey Mamma! It sounds as if you folks have a some fine support and plenty of good fun together, what a lucky lad!

We used to do loads of physical activities too, I reacall treasure hunts being great fun and can be themed to suit.

Also, gardening a little patch with flowers and/or veg (what ever he chooses from a preselection) can be a therapuetic lesson and tie into science/nature topics. Often turns into mud play... well all kids need a little dirt now and then...

I have some fabulous decks of phonics cards with comic pictures and sounds, snap takes on a whole new meaning as we shout the sound as the card gets turned (loudness is VERY important).

When he starts to read, there have been some amazing results from children reading to dogs. Not a gag, it can really help the challenged child gain confidence and proficiency.

Should you want to read up on learning through play (hands on stuff) pick up something on evolutionary playwork by Bob Hughes. It is nothing to do with Darwin, but is more to do with our human need for risk and danger and how this can be chaneled and satisfied through play, helping to alleviate risky behaviours in teens.

Hope the sun is shining where you are!

 

[Eleanor]

My L is five and ok (well, as ok as she can be with us for parents!;)) Should I take a look at the Hughes book too?

 

[Pale Warrior]

Hi Eleanor,

The book offers great insight for all parents in today's world, there is a slant towards play work but other than that, his theory and practicle guidance is insightful. There may also be some articles on the web.

Much of his experience comes from the adventure playground movement and I was priviledged to work in the last one in our city. If you are bringing up a child in an urban setting, or one with social, emotional or behavioural dificulties it might have particular resonance.

 

[PTSDMama]

I sound like a broken record, I know. I don't even want to type this and share with you all because I don't want to come across as 'woe is me' or seem like a downer all the time. But...

I'm just sick right now. Yesterday, while J (hubby) was at work, C (son) and I had a lovely time with my parents, until the very end. He started challenging my dad and just being nasty.

Today, it's gorgeous out. After church, we were going to go to a restaurant, then come home and spend some time outside together gardening, playing, cleaning, etc. As soon as we got in the car to leave church, C says he's hungry. We have bagels and we're telling him he can have some of a bagel then we're on our way to a restaurant. C starts kicking J's seat, trying to kick J, then when I, from the passenger seat try to stop C, he kicks me. Screaming that he wants to be at a restaurant NOW and we're stupid and why can't we be there NOW?!

We try and help him calm down, to no avail. J has to get out and help C get buckled in, because he's refusing. C asks in a very calm, sweet voice, which restaurant are we going to, Daddy? J by this time is tearing up - he's gotten so worn down emotionally and is hurting so badly. J tells C, "I'm sorry, we're not going to a restaurant." C wants to know why. "Because, sweetheart, we can't take you there when you are acting this way. It's not okay to kick us."

We get home, and J helps C out of the car (again, he's refusing to get out), walks him calmly to the house and asks him to take his shoes off and get in bed for a quiet time. C has the bagels and water so he can eat.

It's so sad to see J so upset and depressed. He and I both feel like giving up. We believe in the eternal value of what we're doing, and we believe we can do all things through Christ. At this moment in time, though, I feel an overwhelming sadness. This day seems like it will drag out forever with no relief. Meanwhile, we have a dirty house, many things we need to do, and family coming over tonight for dinner. How do we get all that done with a raging 5 year old?!

Praying for strength for all of us struggling to be able to do what we need to do.