General Kids With Ptsd?

[Jen93]

Wow, what a great thread. I love that you didn't give up. It's so nice to see the love coming through posts. :) It's obvious that you care so much for him; I'm sorry for the struggle that you and your husband have had to go through with your son, but it's a wonderful reminder of how strong a good positive family unit can be. :D It's amazing how you've recognized his triggers- it's more than most of my supporters have done.

Supporters seem like super heros sometimes, they have to be therapist, mother, detective- it's amazing how you do this all for your kid- it shows how much you care about him. He needs to remember that you care.

Taekwondo is where we see it now, mostly, since we home school. And...I must say, the teachers are awesome at making the kids accountable. And helping him cope. It still sucks, but I do have to say at least that we're fortunate for that........ He's tried to hit me only twice. TWICE!

Just wanted to remind you though that if he uses physical violence, don't let him get away with it just because he has PTSD- let him know that it's not right, and that he needs a cool down. Just as the Tae Kwon Do holds him accountable, so should you. Just separate from him for maybe a half hour, and then talk about how he was feeling/ WHAT he was feeling. (Could be best not to get into the trauma with him if that's what it's about... (I know for me I HATE when my mother tries to sit me down after I've said mean things because I'm dissociative or I've had a flashback, and then she's like "Tell me your trauma.")

So yeah, I love the fact that there's been a change in him, and I really like how supportive you are. He really needs it. All sufferers need that from their supporter, even if they try to push away and they don't want to admit it. When we push, we really just want alone time, and we want to reaffirm that the people who say they care, really do care, really do love us, and won't leave us because we're expecting they will leave.

Best of luck to you and your family. :)

 

[SeekingSerenity]

When we push, we really just want alone time, and we want to reaffirm that the people who say they care, really do care, really do love us, and won't leave us because we're expecting they will leave.

and sometimes its really difficult to stay when they are particularly hurtful... thats when we just have to step back and take a few deep breaths...

 

[PTSDMama]

Thanks, Jen. It's nice to hear from a sufferer perspective what is helpful and what is not. I've wondered if me trying to get him to talk about what's bugging him can be more irritating than helpful.

We most certainly do let him know it is unacceptable for him to hurt me. It sounds a little crazy for me to be excited he only tried to hurt me twice (it should be none!), I know. But coming from the all-violence-all-the-time mode to that, was amazing. Now, it's been maybe once a week if that...such progress!

Blessings to you on your journey too!

 

[Jen93]

Thanks, Jen. It's nice to hear from a sufferer perspective what is helpful and what is not. I've wondered if me trying to get him to talk about what's bugging him can be more irritating than helpful.

My mother's the same way. I know that it's painful to watch someone go through this, and realise that you can't do anything to help "left in the dark", but it's called trauma for a reason. Encourage him to Stick more to feeling words. "I felt angry because you did this and it scared me" type of thing... then you might recognize triggers, don't ask him why whatever happened scared him or made him angry, just be glad to know the trigger, the basics, the trauma isn't important-it's the behavior and flashbacks that are. He's not in his trauma right now; and talking about it with him may make him relive it.

Great observation on your part. That's real dedication. :)

((I ought to give my mother the advice I've just given you! She's got a long way to go-still in the denial and "you're normal" phase. Thanks! ;) ))

 

[Taven Carlsen]

Taekwondo is where we see it now, mostly, since we home school. And...I must say, the teachers are awesome at making the kids accountable. And helping him cope. It still sucks, but I do have to say at least that we're fortunate for that.!

Martial arts classes were a big part of keeping me sane and settled, I have to encourage you to keep at it with that. The first thing my first teacher told every season's class was, "We're going to get into martial arts in a bit but the first lesson is to run away if you possibly can. That might sound cowardly but it's more important that you're still alive. Hand over your money if you're mugged, etc, but get away if you can."

Don't know that any other boys listened but I sure did. Don't think I'd be alive otherwise, once I got to The Crazy Times In High School and had my mother trying to cut me open, cops telling me they would kill me and (more credibly) they would mace me/beat me up if they felt like it.

Traumatic psychology makes you obsess on the very immediate - instead, martial arts gets you through until tomorrow.

 

[nimkekaa]

Kids at six still believe in Santa and the Easter Bunny. You can use that to your advantage when trying to make your son feel safe.

The hypervigilance will get better the safer he feels. I have a daughter with ptsd (adopted and saw a lot of violence in her first few years)

We recently had a tele psyc apt and the psychiatrist talked about ways to relieve my daughter's stress and I was surprised with some of the ideas he had. I was worried about lying to my daughter but like Santa, little white lies can be a good thing. So have a stuffy that knows how to fight off nightmares or whateve issues your son might be dealing with right now. I use to have a stuffy that the kids could only use after a nightmare. He was the keep you safe after a nightmare stuffy. It was a special thing that was only used after a nightmare and seemed to help them get back to sleep.

Also if music is so soothing for your son then maybe having a song that talks about being safe that can be played when he is feeling unsafe. There is a child music artist named "Ronno" He does a lot of music that has a lot of good messages for kids. One song goes like this... I like me, I'm an ok me to be, though I'm not like you that's ok too, cause I like me. Some talk about how we are all different and that's ok because I would make a bad you and you a bad me.... you get the idea.

I also made up a song for my daughter once for separation anxiety. It just said, my mommy comes back, she always comes back, she always comes back to get me, she always comes back, she always comes back, she never would forget me. I can't remember what the tune I sung it too was but she could sing it to herself when I wasn't there if she needed too.

Anyway just some ideas that popped into my head. Hope they are helpful.

 

[PTSDMama]

Thank you, nimkekaa! Love the mommy song - we have a family song that talks about how much we love him, what we've done during the day, etc. and he loves that. We change it up according to what's going on with him, but the chorus is always the same. So I know he would enjoy the one you mentioned. And I'll have to check out Ronno.

 

[PTSDMama]

My sister got married this weekend. It was an outdoor wedding, 97 degrees, chaotic. My son behaved beautifully! He ran around with the other children, helped us, stayed quiet during the wedding ceremony. Several who attended asked me what changed, because they noticed such a difference in him. Feeling so blessed!

 

[PTSDMama]

So I've been away for awhile, as we just moved far away from our home. We've been making this home, well, home-y. :) Our boy has been adjusting pretty well so far and I'm just waiting on the other shoe to come crashing down. Everytime he's had a stint where he's doing well, I always feel like that and I'm always right. I want to get past that and just enjoy where he is, at this moment in time and not worry about what will or will not happen later.

Anyway, just thinking of people here tonight and reflecting on this past month or so.

 

[amethist]

Glad the move went well and I hope your son continues to improve. :hug:

 

[PTSDMama]

Well, the other shoe has dropped in a big way. My husband has now started work and school (yay for him), but all the change has triggered C. I dropped him off for enrichment classes today (art, science, music and geography), and cried for about an hour. I don't want to go backwards and it seems we're rapidly approaching regression. Of course, I expected it, but thought maybe, just maybe, we got lucky.

He's hitting me again, totally defiant, calling others names, not listening to any authority figure except his dad, etc. When I went to pick him up today, the director told me "Y'all really need to work on his being argumentative and listening to directions. You really need to be aware that he speaks out a lot in class and I've told him over and over again not to. He's arguing with the teachers and acting out."

Yes, director lady, I told you his situation last week before we even started and how he acts out when stressed. You said you understood and would help him through the transition of starting a new experience. I told you that we work on these behaviors at home and how we deal with them.

I know he's frustrating to deal with but am a little perplexed at her saying what we need to work on and being so irritated about it. I was up front with her about all this and it's not as if I've turned a blind eye to it. Thinking I'm probably being too sensitive.

Anyway, that's where we're at now. We're going to go back and do some practicing about how we act in a classroom, respect, etc.

Ciao!

 

[Eleanor]

Sounds like you need to have a sit down with the teacher. In California they require specialized plans for kids with special needs. It sounds like his teacher is clueless, and doesn't know how to deal effectively with him, and needs someone to coach her through it. She might have heard all you said... and then brushed it off as "but you'll deal with it at home, so I don't need to at school..." People are funny like that. Denial, don't you know.

So back to square one. And this time you know what works. So do what you did before. Be aware of possible modifications you need to make to the approach since he is a year older - and this is a new stressor (or not quite so new). And if you can, treat this as an opportunity to help him learn to deal more effectively with change - which he cannot, alas, be protected from in his life.

You might read back through this whole thread - something else might jump out at you.

Linking arms...