Last session

[Deleted member 36028]

I had a frustration session with my T this week. I have taken a couple of things or maybe a few that I need to pass on, but I find people open about my reaction to things. This is regardless to whether I consider them understandable. Most of time I know they are and opening up about them is vital to my own recovering and something I need to work on.

Firstly, It has been two years and I still find the flow is hard and I cannot bring up stuff I want to. This is one me because I find it hard. I know that. But I do get frustrated at her making no assumption approach and sometimes wishes she would make them. Or make more initiative. However when she does I find it frustrating. I understand I am not the easiest client and can only assume she is stuck with the best way to go forward with me. There is a language barrier sometimes, which I think if I just asked for clarification then we could overcome that, but I find I become focused on language used and I think she is simplifying an issue or a term and therefore my respect for her falls.

I think the crux of the issue to add to these uncertainties is that I still struggle to open up to her and express my needs and thoughts. For example my T works from her home. I have never heard anyone in the house before. Half way through the session I hear creaking and someone moving around outside the room going to one floor to another. Nothing was said and I immediately felt myself retreat. She just carried on talking as though nothing happened and I felt like I could not express myself or ask who was outside. I felt like I should find it OK and that I should get distracted, eventhough I know that is more then a reasonable question/demand in that circumstance. As the moment passed the less I felt I could express myself/annoyance that someone was outside and equally annoyance she did not say anything.


I want to mention this in our next session, but I am torn, A) I find it hard in the first instance B) I find it embarrassing that I find it hard C) I feel like I have left it too late and should have had the courage to tell her there and then. There are a few other things I need to mention to her as well. I found it bizaar that she called me fragile.

 

[Lamename01234]

My t practices with 2 other t's (one being her sister) the offices are small back to back, with a small hallway to waiting room. I often hear conversation in the hallway or hear the microwave dinging when they are heating up lunch. When I hear something I retreat. Even though the noise machines are going and a towel cover crack under door. I asked her once if I can hear conversation in the hall can't they hear me in here. She said no, but I dont believe it, so I shrink. She even have pulled canvas with the back being egg crate as a sound buffer between offices and I am still nervous everyone in the office and world can hear me spilling my secrets and crying. I feel to high maintenance if I asked for a time no one else is in the office. But I haven't yet.