Laughter

[shimmerz]

being around people who don't know the detail of what I'm dealing with and whose usual experience of me is as someone who is lighthearted has helped. Not because I feel I need to put on a face, but because they remind me of how I was before, if that makes sense.

YES! The problem with me was that everyone knew so walked around on eggshells around me. I passed out on a dime so 'why so serious?' was a prerequisite. Now those who knew me are seeing that I am lightening up due to my SO and therefore they feel less encumbered by my symptoms as they have eased AND my SO makes sure I am okay.

So it is like a vicious cycle perhaps. I am so sorry that you have had a rough time of it Suzetag but isn't it incredible how we do actually seem to 'forget' as things cave in. I yearn to be that person again - but dammit - with the flashbacks etc - arrrrghhhh!

 

[Suzetig]

I so get that feeling of wanting to be "that person" again, I feel at times like I've completely lost myself. I'm slowly getting back to being me again but it's more a case of getting glimpses of what used to be rather than having a clear road map to getting there. And yes, flashbacks, hyper-vigilance, second guessing myself all makes it very hard to feel "normal" again.

Sorry things have been touch for you too - it's such a nightmare all round!

 

[shimmerz]

Ah yes, but a blessing at this point as well. I can finally see the blessing of being me! Hard to imagine and I was offended when my t-doc pointed that out a few years back - but now I can incorporate the best of me back then with the best of all I have learned through this experience and choose whatever path I want. That's what it feels like anyways. I just have no freaking idea what path is viable. :meh:

 

[Suzetig]

I think that's where my therapist is hoping to get me to, while I can see what she's aiming for, it still feels like I'm some way off reaching that point but it's good to know its possible to get there.

 

[shimmerz]

@Suzetig - you may be surprised. It felt like a long way away and then a breakthrough occurred and everything started clicking into place. Have you 'fun' people in your life right now?