Laxative Abuse

[claire east]

I'm really struggling as I abuse my body so much as my abuser did I was constantly told I was fat when I was being rapped so from an early age I started using laxative and throwing up to cope with what going on through out my adult years aged 23 I was retrumatized by the person who rapped me for two years tried to drag me into his care so I started being sick and using laxative to cope the truma and since then on offer I've been using these methods I know they are harming my body but I can't stop 7 years ago I got seriously ill and in extreme pain from a botched operation that left me in agony for two years in dropped down to a size 6 I weighd 6.5 stone my lowest every weight but it made me feel crap and I know I never want to get like that again but I'm heading that way again as I'm trying to cope with the ptsd I'm trying lots of things to help me cope running and extreme exsersize is the other is really need advice please help I know I'm not fat but that voice inside my head tells me I am their voices do

 

[Justmehere]

Have you talked to a doctor or a therapist about the laxative abuse, over excerising, and body dysmorphia symptoms returning?

 

[Friday]

I've never been able to simply "stop" using a coping mechanism, instead I have to replace it; find a healthier coping mechanism (or three) to replace the unhealthy one, or the one I don't want.

In order to replace it? I need to figure out what -exactly- it is I'm gaining from it.

Some of the things that voiding can provide:

Body image? Freedom to eat whatever I want & not have to worry about what it's made of, because it won't be staying long? A sudden spike of adrenaline? Pain? Lightheadedness? Control? Conflict avoidance? (Not having to say no to anyone else, or myself, when offered something or desiring something food wise). Ritual? Distraction? A chemical whoomph! or reset? Penance?

Et cetera.

Essentially look at absolutely everything I like about voiding, and then start replacing those things with other activities.

- Body Image? Exercise, clothes, posture, etc.
- Freedom to not have to think about what I'm eating? Put together a bunch of premade meals together, so when I'm zoned out or don't want to have to think/worry I can just grab stuff I've put thought into elsewhere.
- Ritual? Start new rituals. Things I do each and every single time before/after I eat.

Et cetera. Just go down my own personal list, one by one, and start changing things.

 

[claire east]

Have you talked to a doctor or a therapist about the laxative abuse, over excerising, and body dysmo...

Yes I have

 

[Whyteferret]

I hear you. A lot of sexual assault survivors do things like this. We can control what we eat (or don't ). We can control our appearance- gain/ lose weight, how we dress, etc.
It seems to bring a sense of control or safety.
It's an attempt to maybe look 'less attractive' to predators or protecting ourselves from "risky" (normal) relationships. There are so many reasons we can do this stuff.

Keep reaching out to your therapist. Maybe keep a journal of what happened, where,what were you thinking/ feeling when you used laxatives, etc.

It might also help you to understand about what's going on with you mentally/ emotionally

 

[claire east]

Thank-you I should keep a note of when I do these things

 

[lostforgottensoul]

instead I have to replace it;

Yes yes yes! If one coping mechnisim is just taken away and no other better one is put in its place, you will go back to what worked.

Now I do know that your body is very used to them so if you stop cold turkey you wont be able to have a bowl movement, simply because your body is used to them.

What Id do is first develop some better coping skills with a therapist and as you learn them start to take less of the laxitives. Ease off of them by tiering down. But you do need to learn some good coping skills first.

 

[Fadeaway]

Claire, you have said many things in the past on chat that I theorise are not PTSD symptoms but nutrient differences. I also firmly believe that nutrient deficiency are exaggerating your PTSD symptoms

I urge you to get ALL of you vitamin and mineral levels checked right away.

 

[Ocean5]

@claire east I'm so proud you posted a thread in forums! Positive step.

As @Fadeaway said get your blood tested if they haven't already.

Sure they have told you to take high potency vitamin/mineral supplement, and electrolytes? You know about my physical health conditions past several months. Doctor recommended Berocca tablets as a "recovery" supplement. Also, told it's suppose to help with anxiety. Ask your pharmacist best option available there for now with condition, then let psychiatrist and doc know. Or contact psychiatrist or doc for advice on what to take.

Also, EverNote is good for keeping track of things. Then you can print out for doc to try to spot pattern. Or even to see the pattern yourself. As @Whyteferret mentioned about journal.
:hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

I second @Fadeaway

It's crazy how much nutritional deficiencies can exacerbate emotional issues. It's even crazier how docs never (ever) care about correcting nutritional/food sorts of issues. (People rather pop pills than change their diet----fact.)

 

[The Albatross]

Glad you opened this up to receive peer support Claire. Hope something here is assistive for you.