Leaving it alone

[LucyLou]

I wanted to run something by you all and I may have mentioned it before....I'm writing it out again because I'm going to be sending this over to my therapist too....I think
Anyway, do you think there is anything to the whole "leave it alone" logic? So with being on holiday and not having a session last week, I feel like I'm doing ok and not thinking about things either because I've just been busy/not having the session...doing better than when I've had a session where I'll just start overthinking everything I've said/what I should or shouldn't have said etc. Still worry if she believes what I say. What's that all about too? I know I'mnot lying about anything, so why do i constantlyworry if she (or even you lot too) believes me.....people say it gets worse before it gets better but I'm just wondering, is it all something that can be just left alone....especially when she doesn't seem to think I'm getting anywhere anyway. That's not something that she's actually said but she has asked me to consider what benefit I'm getting from therapy when I'm still finding it so difficult to put thoughts and feelings into words after 24 sessions....so I think even she thinks that maybe the whole talking therapy isn't for me? I don't even know what to do about this now because I can't see anything changing and it all magically being easier to talk about

 

[scout86]

but I'm just wondering, is it all something that can be just left alone.

When I first contacted the person who became my therapist, he said that PTSD affects more aspects of your life than you realize and it's not something you can get past on your own. You might be able to go a lifetime without dealing with stuff but it WILL affect a lot of aspects of your life and not for the better. It's a choice though.

especially when she doesn't seem to think I'm getting anywhere anyway.

In one of our early sessions, my T said that most people saw him either 3 times or 30. When we got up around 30, I figured he was probably going to fire me, even though it didn't seem like we'd gotten anywhere. I finally asked him. He kind of chuckled and said I was the "least fireable" client he had. He said that "3 or 30" thing applied to MOST people and I wasn't most people. It took WAY more than 24 sessions before I really decided he was probably trustworthy most of the time.

o I think even she thinks that maybe the whole talking therapy isn't for me?

One of the big lessons I got out of therapy is that when you want the answer to a question like that the best way to get the answer is to ask the question of the person who has the answer. Your T in this case. I don't know about you, but I found that I'm not too good at mind reading and I usually get it wrong when I try. The other thing I found is that you actually CAN ask people questions like that and the world doesn't necessarily come to an end as a result. If your T actually thinks you're not making progress fast enough, if SHE thinks that, not you trying to read her mind, she's probably in the wrong line of work. I'm guessing you didn't get to where you are over night and it's not reasonable to expect you to undo things over night either.

 

[Movingforward10]

I don't think 24 sessions is actually that many. I think it prob took around that many for me to begin to ask my T a question. And even longer to really trust her, like really really trust her.
And it took many more to be able to begin to talk about a specific trauma. And many many more to be able to talk about other stuff.
So I don't think you are doing anything wrong. it's all a very difficult process that takes time.

Maybe there is a way to progress with it with your T in a different way? I'm wondering if you feel stuck? And if your T is picking up that stuckness. So maybe, between the two of you, coming at 'it' in a different way might unstick the stuckness?

Leaving it alone? Idk. Maybe that works. It worked for me for decades, until it didn't.

I see therapy as taking all the 'stuff' out and putting it back in in a more healthy way. Shifting perspective. Shifting body responses. Shifting reality (by that I mean not fighting against what happened but accepting it as experiences in the past). So leaving it alone doesn't, for me, make things better. Working through it and making small and profound changes is freeing.

 

[whiteraven]

So with being on holiday and not having a session last week, I feel like I'm doing ok and not thinking about things either because I've just been busy/not having the session...doing better than when I've had a session where I'll just start overthinking everything I've said/what I should or shouldn't have said etc

This always happens to me. Or used to, anyway. I don't go to therapy, so I don't have to think about all that stuff, and I keep busy and feel better. Fact is, of course you'll do better if you're busy and not thinking about it and keeping yourself occupied. At least for awhile. But it will likely come back at some point--a trigger, a memory, etc.

Still worry if she believes what I say. What's that all about too?

I don't think there are probably many here who haven't felt that at some point.

she has asked me to consider what benefit I'm getting from therapy when I'm still finding it so difficult to put thoughts and feelings into words after 24 sessions

Honestly? 24 session is...what? 6 months if you go every week? I've been going 10 years with this T (and many more before that), and I still can't put things into words--and can't express feelings much around him. Now, I'm way better than I used to be, but it took me a very long time. At 6 months? I think we were still talking about the weather and other superficial stuff.

You might be able to go a lifetime without dealing with stuff but it WILL affect a lot of aspects of your life and not for the better

Yeah...I went for 10 years without therapy at all. And I did pretty well during that time. But then there was an event that had a huge effect on how I managed, functioned, etc., and I had to either return to therapy or die.

I don't think 24 sessions is actually that many.

This.

It worked for me for decades, until it didn't.

Yep. And that's not saying it can't, but if there was trauma, it will likely rear its head again at some point. Would I have done therapy in that 10 years if I had known it would better prepare me for what was to come? I'm not sure. But I suspect things may have gone a bit easier if I had.

 

[KayW]

I think there are so many things to consider that sometimes you might need to trust your instincts but at the same time be honest with yourself about what you need. I say that because I am very avoidant and have to be honest with myself about that

My own therapy has been in several parts. The first time I went for therapy, my symptoms were overwhelming and I was at the stage of feeling like Id go mad if I didn't seek help. I stayed until I felt more stable and able to handle things myself.

At that point I think I needed a break from therapy and my symptoms were far less problematic and manageable but not gone. I also still really struggle with relationships. So I went back to therapy to work some more on it but found it wasn't the right time for me. So I left and to then something happened that was triggering and I went back again.

I've come to the conclusion that therapy doesn't need to be a one time fixes everything or stay in it until we're done forever. I think it's one step at a time and each time I go back it's because me and my life are in the right place to be able to take the next step.