Legal Anxiety

[Mike W]

My last explosive PTSD breakdown was almost a year ago, but I found myself in legal trouble in the next few months by sending threatening and insulting texts to former co-workers while highly symptomatic, and I was arrested. I felt insulted, threatened and bullied by my former co-workers and my reactions made sense at the time.

My case went to Mediation/Diversion, and the Restorative Action Agreement in September recommended that my initial charges (utter threats x 2) be stayed, because of my participation in Anger Management, counselling and other courses. I had one breach that was not addressed in the agreement.

I made a separate Legal Aid application with the same lawyer last August after my breach, and after that my lawyer went complete no contact with me. I asked for advice with the Mediation Agreement back in September, and did not hear back from him. I've sent 2 emails and a text in the last couple weeks requesting a meeting or phone call and have not heard back. I don't know if my breach is being considered along with my original charges for a stay as recommended by Mediation, I don't even know if my Legal Aid application was accepted.

I try to calm myself down by thinking my lawyer is very busy and maybe overwhelmed at the moment, and maybe he's waiting for news from the court to relay to me. I try to convince myself that my charges are not as important to my lawyer or the court as they are to me, and maybe my lawyer is dragging it out to make more money from Legal Aid. But that rational thought is losing.

It's frustrating not being communicated with by my lawyer, causing me huge anxiety and stress. I feel I'm disgusting and worthless, because my second breach involved a text to a former co-worker that was irate, insane, racist, vulgar, abusive and hateful. I was reacting to continued gossip and disrespect toward me. I wanted all of my former co-workers to feel the same fear, anger and humiliation that I fight in my head every minute of every day, just for a few minutes, but my reaction was horribly inappropriate and I'm ashamed at myself for it. It was also illegal, as I have a no contact order with all former co-workers.

I go through intense paranoid thoughts that my lawyer, the court and my former workplace are all working together to have me committed indefinitely to a mental institution, that no one is on my side or has my back, that I'm of no value to anyone and that everyone hates me as much as I can hate myself sometimes. I'm fearful of the police breaking down my door and taking me back to jail (I was only in there for 3 days, but it was a very fearful, confusing and traumatic experience for me, especially without my meds).

I'm also waiting for a call from free psychological services at a local university. I applied in September and have not heard anything back yet. I start feeling that maybe I'm too messed up for them to help and they just decided to not reply rather than have to deal with me. I know every health support has huge waiting lists, but in the moment I struggle with my paranoid thoughts.

I could just call my lawyer - I have his direct line, but I'm too scared he'll yell at me or say something horrible, or accuse me of harassing him and drop me as a client, so I just sit here and wait for his call. I'm thinking of having my mental health worker call him in couple weeks when I meet with her, but again I'm scared of losing my lawyer if I'm too much of a pain.

Anyone have this kind of experience with lawyers, or am I just not liked and not worth it by mine?

 

[pixel]

Yes, working with lawyers is frustrating and emotionally draining.

I have two ideas that may help you:

1. Instead of directly calling your lawyer, can you ring his office? Speak to his paralegal or secretary. They are obliged to speak respectfully, and can at least inform you of the status of your case.
2. Contact the Victim Services Directory for your locality. They have advocates that can provide support and assistance navigating the legal minefield. You can find them on the Department of Justice website (for Canada).

Hope it helps, its something to try, at least. :tup:

 

[Sideways]

Legal Aid, if it's anything like here, there's a very good chance that your lawyer is crazy swamped, and that's the only reason he hasn't returned your calls. Unless there's a hearing, like, tomorrow, they can be like that.

I think getting your mental health worker to call is a great idea. There's nothing wrong with chasing up your lawyer, so long as you can keep call on the phone if they pique your anxiety for some reason (which is pretty easy given it's a pretty stressful situation). Your mental health worker will have a better time staying level headed, can help reassure you that whatever response you get hat you're clear in your mind about it, as well as give the heads up to your lawyer that this is a pretty big issue for your mental health (v reasonable).

If you can't wait that long, write out what message you're going to leave for your lawyer when you call and, if possible, get someone trusted to scan an eye over it for reasonableness.

If all that just isn't going to work, try an email. You can draft it and sleep on it before you send it, and if there's still no reply in a reasonable time, you can forward it on to the lawyer's supervisor to raise the issue with them.

All the catastrophic thoughts about your lawyer dumping you are understandable given your ptsd and anxiety. But they're just thoughts. Having heard nothing yet, with legal aid, is a good reason to assume they're just super busy. You don't need to swamp your lawyer with your panic, just let them know that not hearing back from them is triggering your anxiety. That's totally reasonable.

Follow up with the student support as well. Following up isn't the same as being a pest, and it's actually okay to follow up if you don't hear back. The way you follow up, the things you say - that's the part that determines whether you're becoming unreasonable. But a simple, calm as you can be "Hey, just following up on the email/phone call/application I sent on (date) because I haven't heard back yet..." that's actually just being assertive and effective:)

 

[Freedomfighter]

What I have found is that such people love to get those kind of results. They want you to spend your hard earned money to fight something they did. I am well aware of such types, people that attempt to stress you out until you blow up and then you look like the guilty one.

Guess how many loosers fight that war, I know of many women that do that to unaware males, then call the cops on them, maybe they get some money out of it.

I can not change such people and even though they repeatedly attempt to humiliate and hurt me while endangering my life I do not give them the satisfaction of succeeding. It is totally useless to get lost in a war that does not exist. Such people want to make you believe that you are actually fighting with them but in reality it is just strangers who hurl insults at you.

Therefore, since I can not change people like that, I concentrate on what I can do for myself. It is not easy.

 

[Sideways]

@Freedomfighter - I may be waaaay off here, but my understanding is this is a thread about working with a legal aid lawyer...that is, a lawyer that you don't have to pay for...?

If that's not the case, ignore me!!

If that is the case, I'm thinking that maybe we can take it as a given that this lawyer isn't taking the OP for a ride just to run off with the OP's hard earned money!

 

[Gs172003]

@Freedomfighter - I may be waaaay off here, but my understanding is this is a...

You're right. Legal aid is only for people that can't afford a lawyer.

 

[Mike W]

Legal Aid, if it's anything like here, there's a very good chance that your lawyer is crazy swam...

Thanks for the good advice and reassurance pixel and Ragdoll.
I did call the office (I wrote down and rehearsed ahead of time) and got an appointment.
My lawyer was waiting to hear back from the Crown, which is what caused the delay. The good news is all of my charges have been stayed - the Crown recognized there were 2 sides to the situation, and I was the only party who took action to change.
So the peace bond for my uttering threats stays in effect for one more year (understandable) then there is no criminal record and no jail time.

The anxiety got so bad that the only way I could calm down was to have a bag packed by my door ready to go in case I was involuntarily committed. Unlikely, but it just helped doing that.

Thanks again for your support.

 

[pixel]

Relief!

Congratulations on the good results :D

Now you can focus on recovering and healing :tup: