Letting Go Of Fear?

[Deleted member 28942]

I started getting in touch with fear in therapy and a lot of memories come mind. I am usually a person with a can-do attitude. I ignore fear. However, I started realizing that some fear is useful and necessary. Some fear tells me that I am in potential danger and I need to do something or that some person is not safe or to be trusted. In other words, it can be useful survival mechanism in a positive way. Of course, not all fear is useful but with so many self-help books, authors, and media saying that we shouldn't fear, there is no point in fear, I realize that it is not true.

I understand that some fears are counterproductive and should be overcome. For example, being afraid asking someone on a date is not useful because it prevents us from dating. Feeling afraid of being left alone is another example of fear that needs to be resolved.

Here is one useful article:
http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2010/10/14/fear-is-good/

Opinions/thoughts?

 

[City Slicker]

Those are good points.

I read a book a while back called The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker and I recall it was a really good resource at the time. There weren't a lot of books about it back then and it might still be relevant to the work you are doing. Best of luck with your work.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

@City Slicker thank you for the recommendation. I checked the book on Amazon and it looks promising. I will add it to my reading list. I am starting to recognize situations where I've put myself in danger because I was out of touch with my fears.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I double that recommendation and have read the book. When I first started here, an seasoned member @gizmo turned me onto The Gift of Fear. The book was very useful.

Oddly three other boards were buzzing on it as well despite the age of print. Most everyone on those boards found it extremely helpful.

You are making incredible progress in your journey to heal.:tup:

 

[SeaQuel]

Yup. Gift of Fear. No question. I owe De Becker my life.

My opinion is this should be a book every parent gives his/her child.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Wow, I just watched few videos with the author and Oprah. Yes! That is exactly what I was thinking about. That primal fear or gut instinct or intuition. When I look back, it has never failed me but I have failed to recognize it many times. Definitely getting the book and working more on this in therapy.

 

[Changing4Best]

I ordered a used copy of the book from Amazon. It was only $2.38 plus the $3.99 shipping. I think this will be helpful, to me. I read the article too. I felt it was good.

 

[Friday]

One of the ground rules in my own life is that I do everything I'm afraid of. Eventually.* A second that listening to my instincts is not the same thing as being a slave to them.

For me, fear is just an emotion. A warning, to be true, not a stop sign. If I'm going to not do something I'm afraid of? I need a durn good reason.

- It can be logical (like if I'm afraid of running out into the street... The logical reason is that it's a good way to get hit by a car. So I don't run out into the street, because I don't want to be hit by a car. Not because I'm afraid of either the street or the car!)

- It can be cumulative. Meaning not inherently logical. If I get a vibe that warns me away? I don't have to do something because I'm afraid. At least not right then. The eventually is important. Trust the warning, then look at it, later. Break it down. It may well be (often is) an accumulation of factors that creates the fear. Often synergistic.

- It can be trust. I don't trust a lot of people (understatement). Those that I do trust, until given reason otherwise, I will follow their lead. That's reason enough for me. In most things.

- It can be mistrust. Just because someone says something is safe, I am under no obligation to believe them. Even if I think a thing is probably safe? If I mistrust them? I'll pause before acting. It's not the act, it's the person/people involved.