Challenges of Aging: Coping Skills, Letting Go, and Isolation

[Starfish]

I am 70 now and find myself craving to hear from members here who are experiencing a decline as they age.

I am sensing that I've had this burden since birth.....never any memories of love or kindness in my family of origin and I have carried this burden, using coping skills to work and raise kids that worked but always extremely difficult and never feeling emotionally OK......while wearing my mask to the world.....
I think it's time to let go of the burden.

I find myself more in a daze than in the past and I want to "let go and let be"

The energy I used to cope with by doing physical and mental tasks is gone.
Physical activity has been a strong coping skill all my life..... is now gone.

It is taking me so much energy just to find the words for this post

I am in a living situation that I can safely let go if I choose to let go of my desire to please people by "proving myself" or appearing "normal"

Anyone out there relate?

 

[Jess1990]

I am 70 now and find myself craving to hear from members here who are experiencing a decline as they age.

I am sensing that I've had this burden since birth.....never any memories of love or kindness in my family of origin and I have carried this burden, using coping skills to work and raise kids that worked but always extremely difficult and never feeling emotionally OK......while wearing my mask to the world.....
I think it's time to let go of the burden.

I find myself more in a daze than in the past and I want to "let go and let be"

The energy I used to cope with by doing physical and mental tasks is gone.
Physical activity has been a strong coping skill all my life..... is now gone.

It is taking me so much energy just to find the words for this post

I am in a living situation that I can safely let go if I choose to let go of my desire to please people by "proving myself" or appearing "normal"

Anyone out there relate?

It sounds hard, but hang in there. I just turned 34 years old last week and I feel very isolated as I age. My PTSD got a little worse and my driving anxiety got worse too. I am unable to go to places because I stopped driving. Going out to different places when I drived was my therapy. I just try to work with what I have now and walk around my neighborhood, watch youtube clips, connect with my faith, etc. Hope you know you are not alone in your experience no matter the age. Sending love and the best to you

 

[Starfish]

It sounds hard, but hang in there. I just turned 34 years old last week and I feel very isolated as I age. My PTSD got a little worse and my driving anxiety got worse too. I am unable to go to places because I stopped driving. Going out to different places when I drived was my therapy. I just try to work with what I have now and walk around my neighborhood, watch youtube clips, connect with my faith, etc. Hope you know you are not alonhe in your experience no matter the age. Sending love and the best to you

Thank you for your encouraging words. They help me realize that at 34 I was able to drive and work etc. I did not know then what was wrong with me.But I knew something was. There are so many factors that go into our trauma effects on different timelines and symptoms. I am glad you are coping as best you can and trying to find ways to keep your head above board. Thanks for sharing.

 

[CooCoo4CocoaPuffs]

I’m a Gen X and my anxiety is much worse as I’m entering menopause and I f’cking hate it. Then again, I’m also triggered by the sleazy AF neighbors screaming profanity/ arguing outside. I shake, have intrusive thoughts etc. My PTSD is not as bad it was before but it’s like Anxiety has filled the gap.

 

[Jess1990]

Thank you for your encouraging words. They help me realize that at 34 I was able to drive and work etc. I did not know then what was wrong with me.But I knew something was. There are so many factors that go into our trauma effects on different timelines and symptoms. I am glad you are coping as best you can and trying to find ways to keep your head above board. Thanks for sharing.

You're very welcome

 

[Teamwork]

I’m 60 and hear you loud and clear, especially on the energy being used to filter out what I don’t want to think about or feel. Letting it go is a bit of a challenge though. You have to face it and call it what it was in order to truly let it go. It isn’t simply a shoulder shrug. It can be intensely sad or grievous and those feelings need to be dealt with. I see a psychologist every 4 weeks-mostly because he sees me pro-bono is why it is 4 weeks apart. He calls it unpacking the trauma. It’s layered. I’m saying this maybe as a caution that letting go is going to be done over and over. In a way it may be of more value to see your worth when others did not. Take a look at what you offered the world in spite of all that people took from you. My struggle is in wondering if I reached my true potential that was been damaged ll through my early years. Take stock of what you can seek out in others who may still be with you and connect with them for the sole purpose of enjoying an activity together.

 

[arfie]

can i share my experience despite the fact that i am not feeling the decline?

i turn 70 in august and feel the physical decline, but not so much the ptsd decline. i started psychotherapy at 18 and started taking that therapy seriously in my 30's when my family and business started suffering because of my symptoms. somewhere around menopause, losing the hormonal fluctuations made it easier to sort the physical from the psychosomatic of many of my symptoms, most especially the hypersexuality which plagued my fertile years. the therapy work on my trauma induced amnesia continues to improve my memory functions across the board. the physical decline has greatly reduced the temptation to hide behind facades. those facades are more work than they are worth. i don't believe they fool anybody but the facade-builder. the meanest lies in the world are the ones we tell ourselves.

sincere apology if my sharing is inappropriate.

 

[Starfish]

can i share my experience despite the fact that i am not feeling the decline?

i turn 70 in august and feel the physical decline, but not so much the ptsd decline. i started psychotherapy at 18 and started taking that therapy seriously in my 30's when my family and business started suffering because of my symptoms. somewhere around menopause, losing the hormonal fluctuations made it easier to sort the physical from the psychosomatic of many of my symptoms, most especially the hypersexuality which plagued my fertile years. the therapy work on my trauma induced amnesia continues to improve my memory functions across the board. the physical decline has greatly reduced the temptation to hide behind facades. those facades are more work than they are worth. i don't believe they fool anybody but the facade-builder. the meanest lies in the world are the ones we tell ourselves.

sincere apology if my sharing is inappropriate.

ditto!

I’m 60 and hear you loud and clear, especially on the energy being used to filter out what I don’t want to think about or feel. Letting it go is a bit of a challenge though. You have to face it and call it what it was in order to truly let it go. It isn’t simply a shoulder shrug. It can be intensely sad or grievous and those feelings need to be dealt with. I see a psychologist every 4 weeks-mostly because he sees me pro-bono is why it is 4 weeks apart. He calls it unpacking the trauma. It’s layered. I’m saying this maybe as a caution that letting go is going to be done over and over. In a way it may be of more value to see your worth when others did not. Take a look at what you offered the world in spite of all that people took from you. My struggle is in wondering if I reached my true potential that was been damaged ll through my early years. Take stock of what you can seek out in others who may still be with you and connect with them for the sole purpose of enjoying an activity together.

I am finding your strategies to help me too. " In-person with people" is becoming basically impossible for me due to huge fear felt in my whole body that makes my head spin and triggers an overwhelming flight impulse so I leave and now, no longer even go to events. I used to have the fear and I managed to deal with it and enjoy aspects whatever social activity I was engaged in...rising to the occasion. Now, I have a friend I used to enjoy in person, we both relocated, she is 90 and I am 70 ....we both meet regularly on zoom with our Scrabble boards and enjoy Scrabble together. We are both in the same energetic state though 20 years apart. She still does modified yoga everyday and takes a walk, etc....sharp as a pin but with eye problems...so we both are basically on the same level so enjoy each other that way.

My son, wife and grandkids moved to share property a couple of years ago. so I will go hang out and feel the love for a bit... then I walk slowly back to my house. It has been a hard transition for me as I was always making meals, giving rides to kids sports and programs ..... helping their busy household and now I have no energy for that but it is good therapy for me to let go of a lifetime of using every trick in the book to get people to love me......