Life In The Belly Of The Beast, A Rant

[Dan]

Life usd to be all puppy dogs and rainbows, now it's dark days and even darker nights. I used to be a functioning member of my family, now I'm the reason it's falling apart. I've been swallowed whole by the beast and am clawing frantically to no end trying to get out. I'm on a downward spiral and aking my family with me. I'm tryig so hard to get better, but nothing seems to help. I don't want to urt my family any more than I already have. I know the emotional scars take the most time to heal, and I've caused so many.

I wonder if my wife and kids would be better off without me. My wife used to say that she dealt with me for long enough, and that she was going to get the "happily ever after". It seems like our life story is in another section altogether.

I feel like nothing I do is good enough. Therapy doesn't help. I don't have or want any friends. My marriage is a joke. We're a each others throats more often than not. I just stopped caring completely. I don't want to lose my family, but I don't have what it takes to keep them. I've lost my humanity altogether. That's what my shrink says.

Now I'm getting medically discharged and losing what's left of my identity. I've let my career define who I am for so long that I don' have an identity outside of it. I feel like these past years have been for nothing.

I have no faith. I used to at least believe in something, but not anymore. I'm completely indifferent. I used to be angry at God for everything, but now I've stopped caring about that too.

All I have inside me is numbness and anger.

I guess that's about where I'm at right now. I just had to get this out. Thanks for reading, and I hope I didn't ruin anyones day.

 

[Zipperhead]

You can always tell how bad things are by listening to the Troops. If they are complaining, everythings going to be okay. It's when they stop complaining that you have to start worrying. Once things have gotten to the point of resignation. It may seem to you that you are now there. But you posted this. Why post it if you didn't care? There is still hope if we are still complaining.