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I had a giggle the other day, looking through my shirt drawer I noticed all my shirts are either black or white. I'm going to buy myself the most colourfull hawaiian shirt I can find.:crazy-eye
A policeman noticed a little old lady walking down the street dragging two bags one of witch was leeking money. " Madame" he said " one of your bags is leaking where did you get that money and where are you going with it to. Well she says I live near the football stadium and after the game the men reliev themselves through my hedge so now I wait for them with my hedgeclippers and tell them to payup or of it comes, I filled a whole bag with money and I'm going to the bank. Well what's in the other bag then he says. She gave him a wicked look and said " not all pay up."
THAT IS SO SADISTICALLY FUNNY!!!! I can hardly wait to pass that on!!! It goes right along with my quite odd sense of humour!!! I am looking forward to viewing more of your jokes!!!! KEEP POSTING!!!!! ROFL!!!!!
Dumb Blonde person Joke
This blonde lived in an upscale neighborhood and disided they wanted to have a summer job so the blonde desided to go around the neighborhood looking for work. The first house they came to the blonde asked if they had any work the blonde could do. The owner looked this person up and down and figured what the heck my porch could use a coat of paint and asked how much it would cost. "How does $40 and you provide the paint" said the blonde. " Sounds great the paint and supplies are in the toolshed" The owners wife hearing this says " Does that person know the porch goes all the way around the house $40 sounds awfull cheap". " They must the person was standing on it when we made the deal" he says.
After about an hour there was a knock at the door and it was the blonde " all done" the blonde says. "It was real easy and I had enough paint to give it 2 coats and by the way that's not a porch that's a Ferrari".
P.S. I'm Blonde
two elderly men sitting on a bench outside a nursing home observe one of the lady tenants streak by(sans clothing). one looked at the other and said, wasn't that norma? yes, i think so, said the other fellow. but what was that she was wearing? i don't know, said the one, but it sure did need ironing!
the new supermarket in the neighborhood has an automatic mister for the produce, just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.when you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and smell the aroma of bacon and eggs frying. when you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and notice the scent of fresh hay.......... i don't buy toilet paper there any more!
A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her clas and she presented each child in her class half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the other half pf the proverb.
It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. their insite may surprise you. the last one is a classic.
1.Don't change horses.............until they stop running
2.Stike while the....................bug is close
3.It's always darkest before.........Daylite saving time
4.Never underestimate the power of.......termites
5.you can lead a horse to water but.......How?
6.Don't bite the hand that....................looks dirty
7.No news is.....................................impossible
8.A miss is good as.............................Mr.
9You can'tteach an old dog new............math
10.If you lie down with dogs, you'll.........stink in the morning
11.Love all trust....................................me
12.A pen is mightier than the ...................pigs
13.An idle mind is.................................the best way to relax
14.Where there's smoke there's................pollution
15Happy the bride who...........................gets all the presents
16.A penny saved is................................not much.
17.Two's company, three's.........................the Musketeers
18.Don't put of tomorrow what...................you put on to go to bed
19.Laugh on the whole world laughs with you, cry and...you have to blow your nose.
20.There are none so blind as....................Stevie Wonder.
21Chidren should be seen and not..........spanked or grouded
22.If at first you don'y succeed..............get new batteries
23.You get out of something only what you............see in the picture on the box
24.When the blind lead the blind..........................get out of the way
25.Better late than.....................................pregnant