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List Your Joke, Funny Caption To Brighten Ptsd
- Post starter anthony
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Lady of Longbourn
VIP Member
I love the TV show MASH so I'll share some of those.And funny phases....funny Anything!
#1
Father Mulcahy : Remember son, patience is a virtue.
Hawkeye: We'll your taxing my virtue.
#2
Frank: How come every time I come in here its disgusting?
Hawkeye: I think that explains it all, Frank.
#3
Hawkeye: If we don't go crazy once in a while, we'll all go crazy.
#4
Hawkeye: The way I see it, the army owes us so many coffee breaks, we should get 1954 off.
#5
Frank: Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.
#6
Frank :I want foxholes there, there, there and there -- each one smartly dug. The kind of hole a man can throw himself into with pride.
#7
Henry : I want you to accord Major Houlihan attention and respect according to someone who achieved her high rank and sex.
#8
Henry: This is Captain Pak, R.O.K, this is Lieutenant Mulcahy, G.O.D.
#9
Henry: Frank, you've been pushing your stethoscope too far in your ears. I think it scratched your brain.
#10
Margaret: You different men are all alike.
#11
Hawkeye : I can't do it, I'm not a psychiatrist. I am not screwed up enough.
#12
Hawkeye: I will not carry a gun, Frank. When I got thrown into this war I had a clear understanding with the Pentagon: no guns. I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even 'hari-kari' if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!
#13
Hawkeye: I've eaten a river of liver and an ocean of fish! I've eaten so much fish, I'm ready to grow gills! I've eaten so much liver, I can only make love if I'm smothered in bacon and onions -- Hawkeye
#14
Trapper:What happens in the event that figure 'A' is attracted to figure 'B' and wants to get married, but figure 'A' is already married to figure 'C' and figure 'B' is engaged to figure 'D', but figure 'A' can't keep his hands of figure 'B' because she's got such agreat figure?
#15
Potter: Never insult seven men when all you have is a six shooter
#16
Hawkeye: Insanity is just a state of mind.
#1
Father Mulcahy : Remember son, patience is a virtue.
Hawkeye: We'll your taxing my virtue.
#2
Frank: How come every time I come in here its disgusting?
Hawkeye: I think that explains it all, Frank.
#3
Hawkeye: If we don't go crazy once in a while, we'll all go crazy.
#4
Hawkeye: The way I see it, the army owes us so many coffee breaks, we should get 1954 off.
#5
Frank: Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.
#6
Frank :I want foxholes there, there, there and there -- each one smartly dug. The kind of hole a man can throw himself into with pride.
#7
Henry : I want you to accord Major Houlihan attention and respect according to someone who achieved her high rank and sex.
#8
Henry: This is Captain Pak, R.O.K, this is Lieutenant Mulcahy, G.O.D.
#9
Henry: Frank, you've been pushing your stethoscope too far in your ears. I think it scratched your brain.
#10
Margaret: You different men are all alike.
#11
Hawkeye : I can't do it, I'm not a psychiatrist. I am not screwed up enough.
#12
Hawkeye: I will not carry a gun, Frank. When I got thrown into this war I had a clear understanding with the Pentagon: no guns. I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even 'hari-kari' if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!
#13
Hawkeye: I've eaten a river of liver and an ocean of fish! I've eaten so much fish, I'm ready to grow gills! I've eaten so much liver, I can only make love if I'm smothered in bacon and onions -- Hawkeye
#14
Trapper:What happens in the event that figure 'A' is attracted to figure 'B' and wants to get married, but figure 'A' is already married to figure 'C' and figure 'B' is engaged to figure 'D', but figure 'A' can't keep his hands of figure 'B' because she's got such agreat figure?
#15
Potter: Never insult seven men when all you have is a six shooter
#16
Hawkeye: Insanity is just a state of mind.
Lady of Longbourn
VIP Member
This always makes me cry becuase I laugh so hard. I hope I embedded it right.
Lady of Longbourn
VIP Member
More Men in Tights. Has the song again, lots more.
Rural Australian Computer Terminology
A bit of Aussie culcha.
LOG ON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.
LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.
DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute.
HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.
KEYBOARD: Where you hang the ute keys.
WINDOW: What you shut when the weather's cold.
SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season.
BYTE: What mozzies do.
MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.
CHIP: A bar snack.
MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
MODEM: What you did to the lawns.
LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.
SOFTWARE: Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster.
HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart.
MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.
MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.
WEB: What spiders make.
WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah.
SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the ute won't go.
CURSOR: What you say when the ute won't go.
YAHOO: What you say when the ute does go.
UPGRADE: A steep hill.
SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.
NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.
INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.
NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net.
ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.
OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.
A bit of Aussie culcha.
LOG ON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.
LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.
DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute.
HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.
KEYBOARD: Where you hang the ute keys.
WINDOW: What you shut when the weather's cold.
SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season.
BYTE: What mozzies do.
MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.
CHIP: A bar snack.
MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
MODEM: What you did to the lawns.
LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.
SOFTWARE: Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster.
HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart.
MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.
MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.
WEB: What spiders make.
WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah.
SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the ute won't go.
CURSOR: What you say when the ute won't go.
YAHOO: What you say when the ute does go.
UPGRADE: A steep hill.
SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.
NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.
INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.
NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net.
ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.
OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.
Lady of Longbourn
VIP Member
LOL
Lady of Longbourn
VIP Member
LOL I live in Tennessee, believe me some people accents are so thick its like a hillbilly rally.
- Moderator
- #731
Nicolette
Supporter Admin
Message from 'Above'
There were probably many, many times this year when
I may have.....
Disturbed You,
Troubled You,
Pestered You,
Irritated You,
Bugged You,
Or got on your Nerves!!
So today, I just wanted to tell you....
There were probably many, many times this year when
I may have.....
Disturbed You,
Troubled You,
Pestered You,
Irritated You,
Bugged You,
Or got on your Nerves!!
So today, I just wanted to tell you....
Suck it up Cupcake!!
Cause there
AIN'T NO CHANGES
Planned for 2011!!
OK - someone just sent me this e-mail & it made me giggle.
Romance Novel:
He held me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room. I had never been there but I knew this was his room. I knew what he was going to do to me, and I knew I was going to let him. The door closed quietly and we were alone.
He approached silently from behind and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear. "Just relax."
Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and caressing upward along my tender calves slowly and steadily. My breath caught in my throat. I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure.
When his hands moved under my skirt to my thighs I gave a slight shudder and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. His knowing fingers continued upward across my abdomen, my ribcage. And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply. Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, his teasing hands quickly moved to my shoulders and slid down my tingling spine. By entire body was throbbing when he discovered my pink, lace thong.
Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. "This is a man," I thought. A man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking "No" for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say...
"Okay all done. Here's your purse, ma'am. Have a nice flight."
Romance Novel:
He held me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room. I had never been there but I knew this was his room. I knew what he was going to do to me, and I knew I was going to let him. The door closed quietly and we were alone.
He approached silently from behind and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear. "Just relax."
Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and caressing upward along my tender calves slowly and steadily. My breath caught in my throat. I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure.
When his hands moved under my skirt to my thighs I gave a slight shudder and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. His knowing fingers continued upward across my abdomen, my ribcage. And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply. Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, his teasing hands quickly moved to my shoulders and slid down my tingling spine. By entire body was throbbing when he discovered my pink, lace thong.
Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. "This is a man," I thought. A man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking "No" for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say...
"Okay all done. Here's your purse, ma'am. Have a nice flight."
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