List Your Joke, Funny Caption To Brighten Ptsd

[cherryblossom]

Bad Day

A short guy is sitting at a bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big, biker steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. He then turns to the little guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?"

The poor little guy starts crying.
"Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," the biker says. "I didn't think you'd cry. I can't stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs. "I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home." He continues, crying even harder. "Then I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me. So, I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you showed up and drank the damn poison."

 

[amethist]

:rofl:
Not something I would do as a biker chick CB, but I do know a few bikers who would.

Amethist

 

[Jimmy]

I went down to the shopping mall the other day looking for the latest Grand Theft Auto game. The young girl did not understand me and asked me to describe it. I said, Its about a dark guy, running around with an iron bar, evading police, and having his way with lots of women. She came back with Tiger Woods 10.

 

[Jimmy]

Hopefully this one does not get lost in translation.

This man I know got a job at the 'Lemon Grove'. It was his first day and he was doing better than all the rest of the people there.
So the foreman called him in and asked him. Mate, you seem over qualified. Do you have any experience in picking lemons.
He said, as a matter of fact I do. I was married three times and voted for Kevin Rudd.

 

[Jimmy]

The Three Types Of Sex

In my understanding there is only three types of sex in a relationship.

They are, House Sex, Bedroom Sex, and Hallway Sex.

House Sex

When a couple first get together its all around the house, different rooms, the shower, the cupboards, whatever rocks your boat.

Bedroom Sex

After marriage and the first few children, its in the bedroom, lights out, under the blankets with the door locked.

Hallway Sex

After numerous years of marriage you pass each other in the hallway saying 'F#$K You'

 

[Marlene]

After numerous years of marriage you pass each other in the hallway saying 'F#$K You'

My MIL told me that she considers it oral sex when she and my FIL stand at opposite ends of the hallway and yell 'F*ck you' at each other. LOL

 

[Jimmy]

A blonde went to a pizza shop and ordered her pizza. The guy asked her whether she wanted it cut into four pieces or eight. The blonde replied 'four please, I could not possibly eat eight'

 

[amethist]

If you want a good laugh at a Yorkshire, taking the p@@s Ballard, then go onto You tube and have a listen to Tony Capstick's, Capstick Comes Home. It is typical of how miner's in the 50's and 60's acted, and the daft humour that was part of a miner's life.

It is hilarious, but unfortunately he died in 2003 at age only 59. Take a look at some of his other hilarious Ballard's while you are there, it will be worth your while if you have a crazy sense of humour.

Amethist

 

[amethist]

THOUGHTS FOR WOMEN

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But, if it sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone,
takes your money and does not appear to realize you had set it free....

You either married it or gave birth to it.

 

[Marlene]

You either married it or gave birth to it.

Amen, sister!

 

[Jimmy]

Nice Amethist. That can go both ways you know.
I am a single Dad.

Jimmy

 

[GodSeeker]

The Bathtub Test

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was, which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

That was very good:clap::wink: