List Your Joke, Funny Caption To Brighten Ptsd

[popeye]

RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do no, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

 

[freefloat]

 

[freefloat]

check it out on you tube..........​

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Tim Minchin - Prejudice lyrics​

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This is a song about prejudice​

And the language of prejudice​

And the power of... the language of... prejudice​

It's called​

Prejudice​

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In this modern freespoken society​

There is a word that we still hold taboo​

A word with a terrible history of being used to abuse oppress and subdue​

Just six seemingly harmless letters arranged in a way will form a word​

With more power than the pieces of metal that are forged to make swords​

A couple of G's an R and an E an I and an N​

Just six little letters all jumbled together have caused damage that we may never mend​

And it's important that we all respect that if these people should happen to choose to reclaim the word as their own it doesn't mean the rest of you have a right to its use​

So never underestimate​

The power that language imparts​

Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can break hearts​

A couple of G's G's unless you've had to live it an R and an E Even I am careful with it​

An I and an N, in the end it will only offend, don't want to have to spell it out again​

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Yeah​

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Only a ginger can call another ginger ginger​

Only a ginger can call another ginger ginger​

So listen to me if you care for your health​

You wont call me ginger less you're ginger yourself​

Only a ginger can call another ginger ginger​

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When you are a ginger life is pretty hard​

Years of ritual bullying in the school yard​

Kids calling you ranga and fanta pants​

No invitation to the high school dance​

But you get up and learn to hold your head up​

You try to keep your cool and not get head up​

But until the feeling of Ill is truly let up​

And the word is ours and ours alone don't you know​

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Only a ginger can call another ginger ginger​

Only a ginga can call another ginga ginga​

So if you call us ginge we just might come unhinged​

If you don't have a fringe with at least a tinge of the ginge​

Only a ginger can call another ginger ginger​

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Now listen to me when I am looking for sympathy​

Just because we're sensitive to UV​

Just because we're pathetically pale​

We do alright with the females​

Yeah I like to ask the ladies round for ginger beer​

And soon their running their fingers through my ginger beard​

And dunking my ginger nuts into their ginger tea​

And asking if they can call me ginge​

And I say "I don't think that's appropriate!"​

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Coz only a ginger can call another ginger ginger​

Only a ginger can call another ginger ginger​

And all the ladies agree it's a fact once you've gone ginge! you can't go back​

Only a ginger can call another ginger ginger​

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Yeah go ginge go you funky motherfunkin ginge​

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Yeah you can call us bozo or fire truck​

You can even call us carrot top or blood nut​

Yeah you can call us match stick or tampon​

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But f*cking with the G word is just not on​

If you're a ginger-phobe and you don't like us​

You gonna stand up to the fight if you want to fight us​

But if you cut yourself you might catch gingavitis​

So maybe you should shut your funky mouth​

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Only a ginger can call another ginger ginger​

Only a ginger can call another ginger ginger​

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So if you call us ginge you can't winge if you're injured​

If you don't have a tinge of the ginge in your minge​

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Only a ginger can call another ginger ginger yeah​

And you know my kids will always be clothed and fed​

Coz poppas going to be bringing home the ginger bread​

And they be pretty smart because they'll be well read​

And by read I mean read and the other kind of red, its a f*cking homophone!​

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Only a ginger can call another ginger ginger yeah!​

Only a ginger can call another ginger ginger​

Just like only a ninja can sneak up on another ninja​

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Yeah only a ginger only a ginger only a ginger yeah​

Are you listening up I'm not pointing the finga​

I'm just having a sing up​

I'm just reminding ya!​

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that only a ginger can call another ginger​

Ginger​

 

[Nicolette]

 

[Nicolette]

 

[Nicolette]

 

[Nicolette]

 

[Nicolette]

 

[Nicolette]

 

[Nicolette]

 

[popeye]

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work!

 

[sparrow smith]

I love this one. I want a t-shirt with it on! I already have one that says "I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here".

same.