List Your Joke, Funny Caption To Brighten Ptsd

[amethist]

 

[Muzikluvr]

 

[Muzikluvr]

 

[amethist]

What is the wasps version of Honey ??
.
.
.
Marmite ;) :roflmao:

 

[KP the nut]

 

[Queen Boudica]

 

[Queen Boudica]

The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)
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2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)
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3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
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4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
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(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
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5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
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6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
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7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)
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(C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)
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And the personal favorite:
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
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Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart.
Then you are just an old sour fart!
-----------------------------------------------One for the ladies........
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma .'

And they say blondes are dumb.
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A couple is lying in bed.
The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies,
'I'll miss you.'
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'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him;​

And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
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Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'

 

[SeekingSerenity]

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to Little Johnny and said, "Lets talk, I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"Ok," said Little Johnny. "That could be an intersesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well then," said Little Johnny, "how is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

 

[Loloma]

SS, that's brilliant. :laugh:

 

[SeekingSerenity]

 

[AngelaMarie]

Two bears were eating a clown. One bear turns to the other bear and says "Does this taste funny to you?!":D:roflmao:

 

[Queen Boudica]

HOW TO BE A GRACIOUS BITCH

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen
her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce.

Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the
best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's
new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!

Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she
refused. ''Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress,
and I'm wearing it,'' she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ''Never mind
sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.''

A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another
gorgeous dress for her mother.

When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ''Aren't
you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another
occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother just smiled and replied, ''Of course I do, dear.....I'm
wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.''
​

Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and
touched often.
But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!​

Women are Angels.
And when someone breaks our wings....
We simply continue to fly ......... on a broomstick..... We are flexible....​