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List Your Joke, Funny Caption To Brighten Ptsd
- Post starter anthony
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Lucycat
Sponsor
MALE V FEMALE AT THE ATM
A new sign in the Bank reads:
'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are
requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'
******************************* MALE PROCEDURE:
1... Drive up to the ATM.
2. LOWER your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Raise window.
7. Drive off..
************************* ****** FEMALE PROCEDURE:
(Unfortunately, most of this is the Truth.!!)
1. Drive up to ATM machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Put hand brake on, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on mobile phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page..
11. Enter PIN ..
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in cheque book and place receipt in back of it.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to ATM machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and drive off.
25. Redial person on mobile phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 kilometres.
27. Release Hand Brake.
A new sign in the Bank reads:
'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are
requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'
******************************* MALE PROCEDURE:
1... Drive up to the ATM.
2. LOWER your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Raise window.
7. Drive off..
************************* ****** FEMALE PROCEDURE:
(Unfortunately, most of this is the Truth.!!)
1. Drive up to ATM machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Put hand brake on, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on mobile phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page..
11. Enter PIN ..
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in cheque book and place receipt in back of it.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to ATM machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and drive off.
25. Redial person on mobile phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 kilometres.
27. Release Hand Brake.
Lucycat
Sponsor
proof that a good woman can bring balance into your life.
ISupportHer
Diamond Member
Good woman yes, But could I relace the one with 2 smaller ones?
KIDDING!
JUST KIDDING!
ROFL
crazytrain
Silver Member
Okay, fellow PTSD'ers, some of you will hopefully find this a little bit amusing, albeit in a bit of a dark way...
I have been having "flashback" type stuff going on lately because of some serious emotional upheaval in my family situation. One of the "rememories" as I like to call them, involved being on the floor of my bedroom, totally despondent, sobbing, contemplating the many ways in which I could "off" myself (I had more than likely been drinking WAY too much whiskey), when I suddenly decided that I needed to talk to someone; I needed help! So, having a telephone in my bedroom at the time, I grabbed a phone book and looked up the number for a local suicide hotline. I finally muster up the courage to dial, ready to pour my heart out to the wonderful saint on the other end of the line.
The line was busy...
Hope you get a (sadistic!) little chuckle out of it, as I did yesterday!
Bless you all for everything you do, and for being brave enough to face your fears! IKNOW how hard that is! Keep up the battle!
I have been having "flashback" type stuff going on lately because of some serious emotional upheaval in my family situation. One of the "rememories" as I like to call them, involved being on the floor of my bedroom, totally despondent, sobbing, contemplating the many ways in which I could "off" myself (I had more than likely been drinking WAY too much whiskey), when I suddenly decided that I needed to talk to someone; I needed help! So, having a telephone in my bedroom at the time, I grabbed a phone book and looked up the number for a local suicide hotline. I finally muster up the courage to dial, ready to pour my heart out to the wonderful saint on the other end of the line.
The line was busy...
Hope you get a (sadistic!) little chuckle out of it, as I did yesterday!
Bless you all for everything you do, and for being brave enough to face your fears! IKNOW how hard that is! Keep up the battle!
crazytrain
Silver Member
Okay, stop me if you've heard this one... Oh, right, you CAN"T!!(He, he, he...)
So, little Johnny goes next door to watch the builders work on the house being built there. He spends most of the morning just watching and listening to the laborers...
He goes back home for lunch, where his mother asks him what he's been up to. He tells her about watching the builders next door, so she asks him, "What did you learn about building houses, Johnny?". To which he replies, "Well, I learned that if the door doesn't fit sometimes you need to just move it a pube or two until it fits right; and if the window doesn't fit quite right, it's probably the asshole that measured it wrong; if you hit your thumb with a hammer, the hammer's a son-of-a-bitch; and I heard that the mother of all Whores is the lady that's moving into the house next month."
Needless to say, Johnny's mother is less than impressed with her son's report.
"Johnny", she says, "go out back and fetch me a switch this instant, young man!"
To which he replies, "F*** you, Mom, that's the electrician's job!"
Hope this finds you well and at least smirking a little bit! I like smirks (hee, hee, hee!)
So, little Johnny goes next door to watch the builders work on the house being built there. He spends most of the morning just watching and listening to the laborers...
He goes back home for lunch, where his mother asks him what he's been up to. He tells her about watching the builders next door, so she asks him, "What did you learn about building houses, Johnny?". To which he replies, "Well, I learned that if the door doesn't fit sometimes you need to just move it a pube or two until it fits right; and if the window doesn't fit quite right, it's probably the asshole that measured it wrong; if you hit your thumb with a hammer, the hammer's a son-of-a-bitch; and I heard that the mother of all Whores is the lady that's moving into the house next month."
Needless to say, Johnny's mother is less than impressed with her son's report.
"Johnny", she says, "go out back and fetch me a switch this instant, young man!"
To which he replies, "F*** you, Mom, that's the electrician's job!"
Hope this finds you well and at least smirking a little bit! I like smirks (hee, hee, hee!)
- Moderator
- #1,089
Nicolette
Supporter Admin
PerfectlyFlawed
Silver Member
Everyone except me thinks it is hilarious.
The guy I have a restraining order against, I am saving the recent call list for evidence for trail, and I end up butt dialing his number.
I about had a heart attack!
The guy I have a restraining order against, I am saving the recent call list for evidence for trail, and I end up butt dialing his number.
I about had a heart attack!
Lady of Longbourn
VIP Member
Here is something funny that happened in the last week.
We had daylight saving time and one of our clocks is really hard to take off the wall. So instead of taking the time to do that....my husband did this....
We had daylight saving time and one of our clocks is really hard to take off the wall. So instead of taking the time to do that....my husband did this....
Whitneys story
Diamond Member
Genius! Would also be a great way to advertise the forum in a broader audience. Put some genuine knowledge in the arena!
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