Living On Farm Helping Me Accept Death

[CraftyCath]

((((((Gloria)))))

I am so sorry that you have had a distressing time. What a terrible thing to have to go through. I hope your heart picks up strength and as the drugs begin to work.

Your little goat is lucky to have someone who cared so much for her. To put her down yourself will be a comfort to her as she drifts off to sleep with you next to her. It is very sad but as you say, you gave her a wonderful life.

And your dog too? How awful! So much sadness and grief. But so lucky to have you in their lives and vice-versa.

As for death Gloria. I feel the same as you. I've told my kids there will be no funeral and no one having to tend a grave. I will donate my body to medical science to other young doctors can get in some practice and there will be no funeral costs. My Husband says death is just like taking off an old coat. You leave it behind and that bring so much peace.

I hope you recover soon Gloria, keep up the good work with your animals and keep in touch.

cath

 

[Gloria]

Dear Cath,

I am getting pain meds for my dog and putting it off for a little while until I feel better. Good things have come from all of this. I believe in God and He is on my side. No matter what evil or death comes my way, I am doing well. I found out that the small animal vets are refusing to put my goat to sleep and she is unable to stand up. My horse vet doesn't want to put her down and if he did he would charge $100 for house visit. I am going to have to dig through my meds and see if I can figure out a way to put her to sleep without causing her cardiac arrest. They just did a stress test on my in the hospital and it felt like I was having a heart attack. I don't want her to die like that. I want to go peacefully.

Cath, I thank God for caring and good people like you because I have run into the most cruel and insensitive jerks lately. It will pass. Hope to meet you sometime!!!
Hugs,
Gloria

 

[CraftyCath]

Hi Gloria,

Sometimes believing in God is all there is left. I take comfort in that. No matter how far I fall He will pick me up.

I have found so many caring people on this forum that it brings tears to my eyes. I would name them but there really are too many.

I truly hope you can find a way to allow your goat to die without suffering. I hope your little dog picks up with the meds, it's heartbreaking to see them suffer.

Much love and hugs to you.

cath

 

[Gloria]

Dear Cath,
I spent much of the day on the phone. I can't take my goat to the "renderer" to be put down because I can't get her there and the law says you can't slaughter livestock unless they can stand up. The veterinarians that would even consider putting down a goat wanted $200 (and how am I supposed to drag her into the office anyway). My sons won't do it for me. I have had a very traumatic life so seeing people get shot, dead bodies and gun shots are not unknown to me but I wonder what it would do to me if I did shoot her myself? I don't want to take a chance of a flashback or anything. So I'm not doing anything. I am giving her pain meds and she is comfortable so that's all I can do.

Happily, my little dog came back to life and I have been spared his death for now. The pain meds and anti-inflamatory help but he didn't eat again this morning. Correction, little Bud refused his food but when my other dog wasn't looking, he ate her food. I think he just enjoys stealing food. The four little dogs are hysterical. No one wants a bone or a toy until another dog plays with it and then they have to fight over it. It is a competitive thing.

I'm getting some more Serama eggs to incubate. When I was in the hospital, my son turned my incubator down to for four days because he thought that 99 degrees was too high. All my eggs died but it's okay. My poor son had to take care of all my animals and it was way too much for him to handle.

I'm very grateful that there are animal lovers like you on the forum!
Hugs,
Gloria

 

[Gloria]

Dear Cath,
I have also found some very caring people on the forum but I have also met some very unhealthy people. I wish there was a way to clean it up but the nature of the beast is that people can pretend to be who they are not on this forum.

But.... I find that people who truly love and care for animals can't be sociopaths so I feel safe with them.
Hugs,
Gloria

 

[Gloria]

The vet came today and my goat got up and started "talking to me". She wanted raisins. I couldn't do it. I was supposed to lead her over to the fire pit so we wouldn't have to drag her and I just couldn't do it. I just hugged her and cried and that was it. If she still is kicking at 14 years old, I think I should just do everything that I can to make her every day happy. I gave her some raisins.

My little dog is doing wonderfully on his meds. I just ordered the IV fluid for my 24 year old cat and spent $500 on shots and tooth care for my horses. Oh but I am going to save money on horse feed! My vet said that I am giving too much grain to two of my horses so very little grain. The vet said that no way would could he tell my 26 year old mare was that old. Except for a little bit of a hay belly, she looks great. All my horses had to be tranquilized to get their teeth done and I am so totally amazed at how well they behave. I couldn't hold them because I have a large hematoma in my abdomen from being the hospital last week and have an hemmorhage when I had the angiogram. I'm so frustrated that I can't do stuff until it goes down. My son held the horses and they were angels.

My female dogs go in heat in another month so I will have puppies (just once to give to my friends). My friends begged me to breed my dogs or I would never do it. i think there are too many dogs at the shelters but my son went to the shelter and he told me that the dogs there weren't very nice and he wants one of the puppies also. Not "being nice" means they had behavior and health issues or were really old so he didn't want to adopt one. I never had puppies in my entire life. Well, actually, I never am going to have puppies myself because that is biologically impossible!:p But I am so good about spaying and neutering all my animals that I never had babies. This will be my first and only time.

 

[Sammy]

Haven't been on here much and wanted to say I am so sorry about your health scare! I hope you continue to heal and feel better. I am also glad to hear your little dog is doing well!! I love that you gave the goat raisins! That gave me a smile. It is something I would do. I have had to put some wonderful dogs to rest over the years and it is never easy. I always end up waiting longer than the vet would do but O also can't let them suffer. Some of my best friends have been animals - I tend to trust them more than people. They are much more honest, IMHO.

I look forward to some new chick photos!

 

[CraftyCath]

It seems your poor old goat doesn't want to leave you just yet Gloria!

I hope the haematoma goes down soon and you can be back to full health. It sounds like you have a good Son helping you though.

Puppies!!! So cute, can't wait to see the photos when they are born! (Well, I guess they have to be con-sieved first!).

 

[Gloria]

My little male works on conception now even when the females aren't in heat. I hate to say this because I have never seen a female dog do this before but my females are humping on him as well. I want to go on vacation or put them out in the kennel when the females are in heat. You wouldn't believe the noise and commotion when they decide to mate!

I actually found a goat doctor who makes house calls. My horse's vet is somewhat of a snob and that's another reason I didn't want him to put her down. He thinks so highly or horses and is so protective of them. He's a royal pain actually because he lectures me on cutting up carrots into tiny pieces before giving them to my horses to they won't choke. Get a life!! Horses have been eating carrots whole for centuries. Also, he doesn't want the horse's feed to any lower than their shoulder. Please!!! I baby my horses but let's not get carried away!

The pups will be so adorable and I already have a waiting list of really good homes of friends that have elderly dogs that want a puppy to ease the pain of putting down their beloved. The only thing is that most of them over-feed their dogs. Apparently, they don't know how to say no and love their little dogs too much so I'm going to be very adamant that the dog should never get a fatty layer on their ribs.

Horses are harder to tell if they are over-weight especially in the winter when they are shaggy. I always want to give them extra food because they are in the freezing cold outside all day but this spring, both the horses and I are going to slim down and do training exercises. My horses get bored and I get lazy so every day I will spend a couple hours training them. I started showing them that training had begun when I let them out this morning. They don't have halters on so it wasn't easy to make them lift their foot by voice command and so forth. My one horse lifted his foot and then put it down with a stomp and pawed. I made it over and over until he did politely. The nerve! Then I asked him lift his back leg and he kind of kicked it out a bit so he had to do over on that one also but they have to stay trained. If anything happens to me and they don't behave, they could end up back at the slaughter auction where I got them.

 

[Sammy]

I am regularly having to remind my pup that training doesn't get to be ignored. I get lazy with enforcing the rules and he becomes a complete brat. It is enough to remind me he needs the structure. I probably do too but I don't like it either. :p Oh well.

Good for you for finding a goat doc!! And well done with the horses. Good for everyone. :tup:

 

[Gloria]

After a long discussion with friends and family, I am 99% sure that I will be giving away my chickens and not getting baby goats. I go to cardiologist on Tuesday but my condition is not reversible so it's really important that if I am feeling tired that I don't have to get up and take care of a lot of animals. If necessary, I will put my horses in a stable for a while and keep my dogs with a friend so I can rest and sleep when I am tired. It's goingn to take a while to get used to this medicine and also the physical limitations that I now have.

It's all good. It would not be fair to take in animals that would have to be placed in a new home if I get sick.

I may not even breed my dogs. I am thinking of getting them fixed as I don't know if I can handle puppies. My chickens will find great homes. I know so many people who want these tiny chickens. I will keep a couple in a cage in my mud room and I have an outdoor house and pen for them for the summer but I must simplify my life.

One of my chicks died last night. I stayed up for hours trying to give it electrolytes but when it died, my heart felt nothing - no sadness. I am overwhelmed with just accepting my own death. I just keep saying to myself that everything is born will dye. It's no big deal. Some live longer than others.

 

[CraftyCath]

Oh Gloria, how sad for you to have to give up your animals :( but I feel you are doing the right thing.

I truly hope your health improves and you are right to concentrate your energies on staying as healthy as possible.

Praying the appointment with the cardiologist goes well.

((((Gloria))))