S
So long ago
He is my guardian. My strength. My solace. He is the only one who knew how broken I was. He gave me a part of him that would always hold me up. That I was worth something besides the pain and dispair I live with everyday. There is life out there. And worth living. He had his own ptsd. And yet this man who on the outside looked scary and intimidating and dangerous and was all of those things only showed me what it was to be loved and protected. He made me helped me stand on My own. He gave me hope and faith. A direction I had lost. This month is an anniversary of his passing when he was in the prime of his life. My grief has not lessen thru the years. It is wrapped around my heart and soul. It tells me I am here will always be here catching you as the flashbacks beat me. Live be happy in the moment find your joy. I will take the bad the old pain. My depression does not define who and what I am. I thought all was lost my body a shell. My mind screaming. My ghost my guardian will always be my hope my faith. He will never abandon me. He is always giving me what I need. I miss never being able to touch the man who only had to be a presence in the room or our eyes touch. But he has never left me. So when my pain my dispare grip me in nightmare and like a movie playing over and over he is holding me tight saying I've got you. I am not alone after all.
