Long time therapist

[Angelwings]

I'm just wondering what people think of this...My therapist has been my therapist off and on for 27 years. I've never seen anyone else. When I was 13-28 I refused to tell her who abused me and refused to talk about it. When my son was born it became overwhelming, so I finally told her that it was my dad. I was 28. We've been doing therapy consistently since then, but all we do is get me through to the next day because I'm unable to handle day to day life. I'm on social security disability for PTSD and am trying to focus on getting better. I finally found a psychiatrist who specializes in PTSD and after a year of seeing her, I am beginning to trust her. Things seem like they're coming along with the medication changes. I'd like to start some active therapy instead of just EFT. My therapist said I'm not ready. Do I need to get a new therapist? I don't want to, my therapist is like my mom, but what if she's holding me back....I don't know.

 

[Still Standing]

I cannot speak for you, but if it were me, it might be beneficial to seek the care of a PTSD trauma specialist. Since you began therapy, so many things have changed in the approach in treatments. Maybe it is time for a change. Sometimes it is good to get a new fresh perspective on things. Do you feel you are stuck in a rut, doing and approaching things the same way all the time? If you still have debilitating symptoms and have made no progress forward, maybe you need a new incentive to move ahead in your care. After all those years, in treatment, with the same person, I would think the relationship could get so comfortable and predicable that it could inhibit a continuing, productive process. But, there are others on this site who are like you in that they have been with the same therapist for years, too, and seem to be doing fine. The answer to your question, ultimately lies on you. If you have a nagging little voice popping up questioning the logic of staying in the tong term therapy you have, perhaps it is time to listen to it and consider a different path.

 

[EveHarrington]

I know it takes two, but if one therapist can’t get you “ready” in 27 years, I’d definitely say it’s time to move on and find someone new.

 

[Angelwings]

I cannot speak for you, but if it were me, it might be beneficial to seek the care of a PTSD tra...

@Still Standing good points. I started thinking about it when my psychiatrist asked me what I was doing in therapy to deal with the flashbacks, and I can honestly say that the only thing we do is EFT. I can't do flashbacks on my own, because I need my therapist to do EFT with me...I love her, but maybe I need something different.

 

[Suzetig]

I don't want to, my therapist is like my mom, but what if she's holding me back....I don't know

I think this is the key - you’ve got a strong attachment to your T which may be getting in the way of you doing the work you need to do. Something is making you question what’s happening with this T, can you articulate what’s making you ask now whether she might be holding you back?

 

[Angelwings]

I know it takes two, but if one therapist can’t get you “ready” in 27 years, I’d definite...

True, I am so bonded with her and she's really the only parental figure I've ever had that has been there for me no matter what. It's hard to make a change because I can't lose that.

I think this is the key - you’ve got a strong attachment to your T which may be getting in the way of...

@Suzetig My psychiatrist is making me question what I'm accomplishing in therapy. She's always asking me what we're working on, and honestly, we're only working on getting me through the day. I see my therapist 4 days a week, and all we do is EFT. My psychiatrist has mentioned other kinds of therapy that she thinks I should be doing. She's a PTSD specialist.

 

[EveHarrington]

4 days a week?

I’m wondering if you need support 4 days a week, would you be better off in a PHP or IOP program? 4 days of therapy a week is an awful lot, and if after 27 years, while only doing EFT, I think the writing is on the wall that EFT isn’t providing you lasting relief.

I’m also thinking that your therapist doesn’t have your best interests at heart. She should be encouraging you to seek out other help if she doesn’t have the knowledge required to provide you with the skills you need to heal.

 

[digger]

27 years and you're needing to go four times a week because you don't have any skills you can use on your own yet? I'd say, yes, you need to be looking to try something different now, with someone different.

It sounds to me that your therapist has created a very unhealthy level of dependence on her in you, when she should have been helping you learn to help yourself or, if that is outside her capabilities, helping you to find someone who can.

 

[Angelwings]

4 days a week?

I’m wondering if you need support 4 days a week, would you be better off in a P...

Wise words. Thank you.

27 years and you're needing to go four times a week because you don't have any skills you can use on you...

You are all making good points. I have been thinking the same things, but it's so hard to do, to separate from her. Maybe I'll ask my psychiatrist for a recommendation of a good therapist who takes medicare. It takes me so long to trust people, though. What if I just ask her to start doing different kinds of therapy?

 

[Still Standing]

My psychiatrist has mentioned other kinds of therapy that she thinks I should be doing. She's a PTSD specialist.

Boy, angelwings! If your psychiatrist is mentioning this to you I would think that is a huge hint that you need to rethink your situation. If you are in therapy only to make sure you make it to another day and have been doing this for a long time, that does not sound like a therapy that is teaching your coping skills and working at desensitizing you to your old trauma events. It sounds like you are simply living in a status quo...same old-same old...comfy...no progress. In my opinion it sounds like it has fostered into a dependent relationship with your T that meets a nurturing role but not one of pushing you toward, growing up and venturing into life with learned survival skills. You are still dependent on your T for comfort. You can't "grow up" if the mom does not push you out of the nest. So, you have a choice of staying stuck where you are now or taking a step into a new chapter of life where you have hope to conquer more of your life back or at least find out what it would be like to be less dependent on someone else to cover your emotional needs for one day until the next. That does not sound healthy to me, at all.

 

[Angelwings]

Boy, angelwings! If your psychiatrist is mentioning this to you I would think that is a huge hi...

You're right. I know you're right. It's just hard, but nothing about PTSD is easy. I'll take steps to get recommendations from my psychiatrist.

 

[Still Standing]

t's so hard to do, to separate from her. Maybe I'll ask my psychiatrist for a recommendation of a good therapist who takes medicare. I

Perhaps you will be able to adjust to a change by seeing if your current mother-figure T would let you stay in contact with her on a friendship basis, for occasional howdy-dos, so a separation would be easier for you. And there are therapists who take medicare. I utilize this for my own care. It is nice because there is no limit or time frame involved with it. I am in long-term care for delayed PTSD due to childhood abuse and medical phobias. So, I would have a good talk with the psychiatrist who is gently pushing you to consider changing your mental health care. In the end, it is up to you and your desire to get better or stay stuck, with no independence, on your part, in living your life. It probably is time for you to know the joy of discovering that you are stronger than you have believed in learning how to have some control over your own life. In all honesty, judging from what you have written, and obviously I don't know all the facts, here, but it sounds like a classic co-dependent relationship has developed for you and your mom-figure T. That in itself is not healthy...for either of you. Boy! I wish you the best and hope you can be brave enough to take a step forward and break your cycle of dependence.