Sufferer Looking For Someone Who Has Been There

[Chava]

He went from a supporting figure to a sudden turn on dime telling me I was selfish, I'll quit everything I'll ever do in life, including my children, and after I finally gave up on defending myself i broke down so hard that I physically couldn't do anything but sob into hyperventilation for ten minutes as he sat not three feet away and acted if I wasn't there.

This sounds totally humiliating, not life-threatening (I think that's the response you are bumping into, and some of the confusion here). None of that makes his actions right or okay. But hopefully your therapist is helping you get to the bottom of how negatively this kind of interaction has affected you.

 

[pancake_platter]

..........it's... a unique situation and I have found no one I can relate to. It appears that I won't find someone here either. If anything this was all a terrible trigger of some sort.

I'm sorry if I made anyone feel as though I was disrespecting their pain by using the title of ptsd. I've been researching for years and ptsd matches it the most.

I wish you all the best.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the forum! I hope you find this site beneficial.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I don't think we are trying to invalidate you.and you can get encouragement here. No one wishes PTSD on anyone. Your outlook will be incredibly more rosey if you don't have full blown PTSD. What happened to you is tragic and abusive, that's bad enough. I for one can relate, but again, it wasn't the cause of my PTSD. It was a breach of power and neglect. I wish you the best.

 

[rightkindofme]

Something to keep in mind: we aren't telling you that it probably isn't PTSD because we are big meanie pants. Part of the reason folks want you to consider the probability that it isn't full blown PTSD is because PTSD is incredibly hard to treat. It is about permanent changes in your brain that effect generations of people. Most other mental health conditions that result from trauma are easier to treat. We are kind of trying to give you hope that what is going on for you is *more treatable* than what we experience.

It's not a mean thing.

 

[still_i_rise]

Also keep in mind that if it isn't PTSD then it's going to require different treatment. You don't want to be mistreating any health condition. Getting properly evaluated is your first step. Then you can look at treatment options. Until then, you're just throwing jabs in the dark and hoping that something hits.

 

[Born to Run]

Unfortunately I can not relate to your story as you hoped someone here would. What I do find interesting is that you broke down into a sort of freeze-fear mode, as you describe no physical activity was possible. I wonder how old you are, or age range? To me in a way it sounds like a trigger of something that happened in the past. How many people go around thinking they had a perfectly happy childhood, to find out later that they have walked around a lifetime with repressed memories of abuse. A lot. Therefore, I initially never buy someone's assessment of having had a great childhood.

 

[Chava]

To me in a way it sounds like a trigger of something that happened in the past.

That's kind of what I wondered. And I think lots of us are saying make sure you have the right diagnosis and support. It's not "criterion A" type trauma, but for how you feel triggered now too, I wonder if there are abandonment triggers or other things...does not have to mean someone literally left you, but I know I felt abandoned by a mentally ill father ((and mother)). I was also left in the hospital alone a couple times in early childhood but don't remember that, so don't typically understand how that bit affects me.

This person was like a father figure and totally turned on you. Triggers happen outside of PTSD. Feeling highly emotional and triggered does not always have to mean it is PTSD but it's an indication that it is something to work on. I'm confused by you saying your therapist calls in PTSD, but also you have researched for years and it is closest. I understand wanting an answer, but "closest" isn't best if that's not the right answer either. At best, the "trauma" here is very gray-area. But I wonder..are you hung up on this one very bad experience or do you find you are triggered by relationships in other ways?

Nobody is saying your struggle isn't valid. But for the source of your responses to relational triggers, maybe you have to dig deeper. I don't know. I don't relate to this one-time verbal assault as trauma, but I am trying to understand because I do feel for your situation. What strikes me is the connection you might have had and how it just turned 180 into a shocking nothing for you...what this person stood for to you, why, and how devastating that abandonment was (and if it relates to anything else, like fear of rejection, other forms of abandonment, other trust issues, depression, etc...any of these are challenging).