Relationship Losing My Mind, Myself And My Marriage

[tragichamlet]

Hi Nerdanna

Does your son know about the PTSD or did you keep it from him? My husband doesnt want anyone to know. I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult time.

This forum has been very helpful to me. Have you gone to counseling together? This is all new to me and I'm scared.

The good times I have with him are just incomparable but when he gets in those episodes, it is like i'm going through hell. Since i posted this last post, things have been extraordinarily good, but I notice myself waiting....looking for the next one...watching signs.

My kids are young. They have no idea. They are his step kids, but he is SOOOO good to them. I want to try to make this work.

I bought the books and just being on this site makes me feel not alone anymore. I hope you find your happiness. I really do, and you are obviously a very strong woman.

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[tragichamlet]

Hi OKRADLAK

Some of the things you have said are the same things my husband has said to me. He said he gets more agitated and angry becuase he KNOWS he is hurting me. Sometimes he says things and he doesn't remember ever saying it. He also said he was ready to call off all relationships, giving up hope and just tired of hurting people.

He had a string of relationships that never lasted more than 6 months. Once it got too intimate, he ran and ended the relationship, but he knew I was different. He said he never loved anyone like me. He said one of the reasons why he married me was he wanted to NOT be able to run. Of course, he married me for love etc, but he said he knew that if he was married to me, he would not run. We just passed our six months anniversary as a couple.

Do you ever want to try again? to be in a relationship?

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[Nerdanna]

tragichamlet,
Yes, my son does know. As a teenager I believe he deserves to know. Besides, he has lived with him too and has friends who have fathers at home to compare with. He also has the men in my family as I have two brothers in my family.
He knows his father is ill and why. Of course that doesn't mean he doesn't have his days when he's tired of it himself. And in the past it was terribly painful when his father would simply shut him out and ignore him. It was the single most painful thing for me to watch was the hurt in my son.
I urge you to both get couseling if he will and if not...then you should.
Good Luck

 

[kay dodssim]

Hi! I read your post and I kept thinking to myself, this was me 2 years ago. Sadly enough it still is me. My husband and I got in a fight today and his exact words.. "you piss me off more than anyone in the whole world." When I read that in your post I knew I had to reply.

My husband and I got married a month after he got back from Iraq and when we first moved in together it was fighting constantly and I never knew why (and I wanted to move back home more than anything but home was 1500 miles away). His reactions when we fought were so over the top and just mean, calling me names and cursing at me. It was until one day I talked to his friend (also a marine and while I was crying) I told him I don't do anything wrong yet he tells me that I piss him off more than anyone is the world and constantly reminds me that my crying pisses him off. Well his friend finally told me that he thinks he has PTSD now that my husband is a civilian and went to the VA for disability benefits they diagnosed him with PTSD so his friend was right.

It has taken me two years to finally reach out and talk to others about the position I am in with life and how I struggle with him yelling at me still. He knows he does it but he sometimes has trouble controlling it. So I am still having trouble with everything that comes with his PTSD. After reading other peoples blog I keep reading that is it NOT our fault. I need to learn that better and I need to realize what little things I do when we argue make his fuse burn faster.

I personally want to see a therapist but I don't want him to think that we need another therapist to "help" us or him I think it would make him backtrack even further.

Message me anytime you need to talk.

Kay

 

[ISupportHer]

I personally want to see a therapist but I don't want him to think that we need another therapist to "help" us or him I think it would make him backtrack even further.

I know it is hard. I hear it is hard. I have been on the outside when my wife was admitted many, many times.

But please take another look at what you wrote. You are deferring YOUR needs to his. Sure, any relationship is "give and take" But this can be a difficult precident. If YOU feel you need something, like talking with a professional, then I hope you can find a way to do so.

ISH

 

[Loving4PTSD]

I completely understand how you are feeling.

I have been with my boyfriend a year and a half now and we go through the same things almost on a weekly basis. It is the PTSD, I can promise you that.

I also suggest reading up on PTSD as much as you can. It helped me. You have to learn how to take care of yourself when these things are happening.

We have recently started using a "code word" when things start to get out of control. As soon one of us feels like they can't take anymore or need a breather, we say our code word. Then, at that time, we both have to stop the conversation and take a time out until we both calm down and can talk about what was happening. Sometimes it takes 15mins to calm down, sometimes an hour.

A lot of the time, I've found, that even though I can't figure out what set him off, the best thing to do is to not to try to figure it out and just wait until things calm down before trying to discuss anything. When you try to reason with him or yell back at him when he is upset, it is like you are fueling the fire in his head. Unfortunatly, you have to become the stronger person, and remove yourself from what is happening, no matter how right you feel you are.

It is a hard thing to master. I'm still learning. Also if you are on Facebook, put PTSD in the search area, there are a lot of group pages there where you can talk to people as well. I can suggest a few if you would like to email me.

Good luck and don't give up!;)

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